A Strong Message To America

[TonyBlairPM]

Fellow Americans.

It has been some time since last we spoke and for that i apologise. However, may i take this opportunity to wish you all a Happy New Year. The pleasantries over, let us get down to to business as there are things i must address.

I'd hate to inconvenience President-elect Obama, not least because with his empty rhetoric and talk of change he reminds me so much of myself before they realised. For the record can i just make it very clear that i am not staying at Blair House, however appropriate that would have been. I don't know why people often seek to blame me, rather unjustly i feel, for all manner of ills, such as destroying my country and, more commonly, invading Iraq but this time none of it can be pinned on me.

I'll tell you the same thing i'll tell the legal-eagles at the International Court of Justice - "not guilty", although i admit that this time i did not seek the advice of God beforehand.

Now, i've followed behind President Bush, praise be to him, for some time now. I've suffered the sniping and the barbs from the press corps, the opposition parties, my own party, foreigners, countrymen, friends and relatives, accusing me of being the President's poodle. To you scoundrels i say, "for shame". I'd like to see you all eat your words next week, when i finally receive my reward and am bestowed with the finest dog collar America has to offer. Hopefully i'll be able to run around on that fantastic looking lawn they have at the Whitehouse as well. It is going to be ace.

Alas, i'm afraid i must do a John Edwards - love you and leave you. I don't know if you're aware of this but i am the official Middle East Peace Envoy for the Quartet. It is quite a challenging position but things are going so well i decided to take a couple of extra weeks holiday over Christmas and New Year. Cherie joked that i'd probably get back to the office, next week, and all hell will have broken loose but i just laughed and said, "what's the worst that can happen?" I mean who on earth would want to start a war at Christmas?

Looking forward to seeing you all on the 13th.

Lots of love, your best pal

Tony B xxx (hugs)

 

[Cancel7]

Hi Tony! It's because bush acolytes don't want to admit that this was more bush spitefullness. You see, the bushies, lead by Karen "Bigfoot" Hughes and Karl "is that his face or a butt" Rove, are on a whirlwind revisionist history tour. And part of their narrative is for everyone to ooooh and ahhhh over how "gracious" laura and george have been, as if, previous to this transition, other outgoing presidents usually set a pile of dogshit wrapped in newspaper on fire, and left it in the oval office for the incoming guy.

They have to pretend that there is a veritable roster of world leaders coming to Blair House and that they were invited before Obama requested an early arrival. Don't feel bad...well, about that. You've got enough bad karma on your plate.

 

[Damocles]

Hi Tony! It's because bush acolytes don't want to admit that this was more bush spitefullness. You see, the bushies, lead by Karen "Bigfoot" Hughes and Karl "is that his face or a butt" Rove, are on a whirlwind revisionist history tour. And part of their narrative is for everyone to ooooh and ahhhh over how "gracious" laura and george have been, as if, previous to this transition, other outgoing presidents usually set a pile of dogshit wrapped in newspaper on fire, and left it in the oval office for the incoming guy.

They have to pretend that there is a veritable roster of world leaders coming to Blair House and that they were invited before Obama requested an early arrival. Don't feel bad...well, about that. You've got enough bad karma on your plate.

I'm hoping he T.P.s the guest house and paints the Oval Office some ugly color, like Day-glo Green.