What to do in Cincinnati?

Mott the Hoople

Mott the Hoople

Sweet Jane
I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put it on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich, which is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

Watching the local “Appalachian Americans” get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!
 
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Believe it or not my fellow Bengal fans took that with a good laugh and their sangfroid intact. About 20% were not amused. I’d consider that a success. :-)
 
Mott the Hoople said:
I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put your clothes on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

Watching the local hillbillies get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!
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The poor guy is probably petrified!
 
Mott the Hoople said:
I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put it on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich, which is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

Watching the local “Appalachian Americans” get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!
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:laugh:

It sounds strangely like St. Louis, only the sitting for hours waiting for something to move happens on I-270, while the four other major hwys take turns.
 
Mott the Hoople said:
I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put it on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich, which is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

Watching the local “Appalachian Americans” get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!
Click to expand...

I remember Cincinnati before the days of GPS. We crossed the river a few times after missing exits and getting lost.
 
Jade Dragon said:
I remember Cincinnati before the days of GPS. We crossed the river a few times after missing exits and getting lost.
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Wow! You must have been toasted. Cincinnati is hard to get lost in. All roads lead to the Ohio River, so to speak, and the road system there is largely a grid network. I’ve taken some wrong exits there and in some cases you had to drive a ways to get turned around but never got lost there. Though it is a bit of a rat Warren down by the river.
 
Mott the Hoople said:
Wow! You must have been toasted. Cincinnati is hard to get lost in. All roads lead to the Ohio River, so to speak, and the road system there is largely a grid network. I’ve taken some wrong exits there and in some cases you had to drive a ways to get turned around but never got lost there. Though it is a bit of a rat Warren down by the river.
Click to expand...

We were trying to get to an aquarium just across into Kentucky. We ended up back in Ohio trying to find it. By we, I of course mean my parents since I was a young teen at the time.
 
Jade Dragon said:
We were trying to get to an aquarium just across into Kentucky. We ended up back in Ohio trying to find it. By we, I of course mean my parents since I was a young teen at the time.
Click to expand...

I've been to the aquarium. It was so awesome. There was a tunnel you can walk through and look at various fishes.

I am impressed that the glass could withstand the pressure. :eek:
 
AProudLefty said:
I've been to the aquarium. It was so awesome. There was a tunnel you can walk through and look at various fishes.

I am impressed that the glass could withstand the pressure. :eek:
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I can't remember too much but I remember what was probably a tiger or mako shark, the many jellyfish, the octopus, and I believe a land exhibit with gators.
 
Mott the Hoople said:
I was on a Cincinnati Bengals Sports Message Board this morning when a fan from the UK asked. “I’ll be in Cincinnati on business next week. What’s fun to do there?”.

I was having my morning coffee on my patio and feeling a bit ornery and though I do hold the city of Cincinnati in high regard…this was my reply;

Well you have to remember that Cincinnati is the last great bastion of the anal retentive conservative so there is a large segment of the population there that would frown upon you having “fun”.

So some of the traditional forms of fun in Cincinnati are, porch sitting, watching grass grow, cow tipping, in particular, is very popular. Going to strip clubs and yelling at the girls “put it on” (you have to see the strippers of Cincinnati to understand that one) is way fun.

Cheating on your taxes is also a popular past time as is raising taxes on the poor and cutting them for the rich, which is a time honored tradition in Cincinnati, as is eating cheap chili and getting mugged in the Over The Rhine district. Going to country music concerts and listening to women sing through their noses is very popular too, assuming you don’t get crushed to death by a human stampede when they announce free fried pork rinds.

Watching the local “Appalachian Americans” get confused when counting past 11 or 12 cause they ran out of fingers and toes to count on is rather amusing too.

But by far the favorite past time in Cincinnati is sitting in a car for hours on end on I-75 waiting on something to move.

I’d also recommend visiting the Creation Science Institute and Museum as watching the Evangelicals squiggle on the ground while speaking in tongues is highly entertaining.

My favorite thing to do in Cincinnati is to go to funerals where the dearly departed last words were “Hey y’all, watch this!”. A good time had by all there! That’s for sure.

Also, if you happen to be a person of color who enjoys having their civil rights violated then Cincinnati is a must see destination!!! The race riots there can be a whole lot of fun too!

So yea, Cincinnati can be a whole lot of fun. Just remember to be safe there and bring your bulletproof vest and your 9 mm Smith and Wesson and you’ll be fine!
Click to expand...

Odd I have been there several times and have family there . Lots to do there.

here are some of the more common things cow tipping is not on there for some reason
https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g60993-Activities-Cincinnati_Ohio.html
 
AProudLefty said:
I've been to the aquarium. It was so awesome. There was a tunnel you can walk through and look at various fishes.

I am impressed that the glass could withstand the pressure. :eek:
Click to expand...

It’s not glass. It’s highly polished polycarbonate I believe. It has a similar strength to glass, is less dense and not as susceptible to catastrophic failure as glass.
 
Bulletbob said:
Odd I have been there several times and have family there . Lots to do there.

here are some of the more common things cow tipping is not on there for some reason
https://www.tripadvisor.com/Attractions-g60993-Activities-Cincinnati_Ohio.html
Click to expand...

Ok BB….did you miss the part where I said this was in jest?

Cincinnati is a very interesting city. It’s the Gateway to the South and the city has an interesting blend of Northern and Southern culture that some folks call “Butternut” culture.
 
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