CIA Awkwardly Debriefs Obama On Creation Of Crack Cocaine

Epicurus

Reasonable
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/cia_awkwardly_debriefs

WASHINGTON—In his first meeting with President Barack Obama, CIA crime and counternarcotics analyst Timothy R. McIntire haltingly explained to the nation's first African-American commander in chief the highly classified origin of crack cocaine and the resultant epidemic that swept across U.S. inner cities.

"Well, you see, sir...thing is, we needed money to help those Contras back in '85, and we never really expected...so we distributed it, and...shortsighted...and, ha, well, Christ—is it hot in here?" McIntire said between exaggerated coughs. "Yikes, okay. See, it was a very tense time—not that that makes it right—and, uh, bottom line is, we're a different agency now."

McIntire went on to disclose several other secret CIA operations, including the assassination of President John F. Kennedy in 1963 and the recruitment, four years earlier, of a Kenyan grad student for a clandestine program at the University of Hawaii
 
i really doubt this happened.

Thankyou, Captain.

captain_obvious.jpg
 
if it's not a conspiracy theory then what the fuck is it?

Satire. The Onion only publishes satirical stories with headlines such as "Studies Show: High Schools Not Properly Preparing Drop-Outs for Unemployment." They also did their "Election Profiles," which most of us agreed were fucking hillarious.
 
that post is too retarded to warrant a response other than this one.

I literally was starring at it and shaking my head over how dumb you are.
 
Its not meant to be conspiracy theorizing in the sense of something Desh and Asshate would link us to. Maybe if the story was about his citizenship status, you'd have a point.


The fun part is how many of the things you guys called conspiracy theories which turn out to be fact.
 
Okay wtf is up with Grind and WM emo-jizzing all over my thread.

Move it along folks.

Actually I thought it was great. They're too young to know what The Onion is I guess. It was very funny. Especially Grind feeling he had to step up and say, Okay, that's going too far with this Obama conspiracy shit.

Very cute.
 
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