Dear God:

[Job]

Thou art the supreme ruler of the universe. Thou, o merciful and eternal presence, art the creator of all that is seen and unseen. I humbly give you thanks and praise! Thou art worthy of the worship of all humankind, passed, alive, and yet to be born.


Is that good enough for you, you egomaniac? Now tell me what the hell you did with my car keys.

 

[Buddha]

It is in the last place you will look...

Sit in the lotus position, breathe deeply, find your inner core... Then look again.

 

[Job]

Well, I pulled my groin trying to get into that position. I'm sure THAT was no "accident".

If I don't find my keys soon, I'm going to miss the Parade! That old bastard is really testing me this time around.

 

[Canceled.2016.1]

See what happens when you start lipping off?

Three hail marys and five our fathers and then you can have your keys back.

 

[Canceled.2016.1]

damn it buddha... quit trying to corrupt the poor lad.

How about instead of stretching all the time, ya get up off your fat ass and actually work out a bit??

Friggin couch potato.