Dear Ornot:

Beefy

Beefy

Worst gambler ever
I saw a really cute girl in front of my store today smoking a cigarette, but I didn't have the nerve to ask her on a date. How do I go about finding her and showing her that we belong together?

-Sleepless in Canyon Country
 
Dear Sleepless,

I suggest hunting her down and following her while singing "Every Step You Take" under her window every night at 3 AM for 3 months. This will show your dedication and willingness to commit...
 
Damocles said:
Dear Sleepless,

I suggest hunting her down and following her while singing "Every Step You Take" under her window every night at 3 AM for 3 months. This will show your dedication and willingness to commit...
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What? You'll get him arrested for stalking!

Try "Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady" instead.
 
Dear Ornot,

If I get arrested, surely it will show her that I am dedicated to such an extent that she will forever love me. If it doesn't, should I pull a Hinckley?

-Sleepless in Warner Center (I'm home from work)
 
Beefy said:
Dear Ornot,

If I get arrested, surely it will show her that I am dedicated to such an extent that she will forever love me. If it doesn't, should I pull a Hinckley?

-Sleepless in Warner Center (I'm home from work)
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Dear Sleepless,

The Eight Ball says "No" so I wouldn't advise it*. Face it: in the end, Hinckley was just another John.

On the other hand, if you follow my initial advice (see above) you will not be sent to prison. You will be sent to a psychiatric hospital instead, which, while unpleasant, will give you plenty of opportunites in craft therapy in which to express your true feelings for your lady love. With persevernece you should be able to maintain a lively correspondence.



* If you do decide to do it, for God's sake take a marksmanship course first.
 
Okay, after you have been arrested she'll get herself a "Restraining Order" this is just playing coy. You have to show your persistence to convince her that you are worthy. Make sure to follow and harrass any man she speaks to, even if it is a gas station attendant in the regular course of business... This shows how dedicated you are to her noticing you.
 
hate to break it to ya, but it is the Woman that chooses the man, the lifetime mate! :) Whether "he" knows it or not.... :D hehehe!
 
Beefy said:
Darla IS the one I'm TALKING ABOUT!!! How did you know???/

She smokes the same brand as me. We are soulmates.
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He would never give you advice on how to date me, it's backfired on him in the past, and he's afraid of my slapping him with a lawsuit if his streak continues. lol

Plus, I don't smoke, sorry. I did quit though, and you should too. Sorry, it's the liberal in me rearing her head and forcing me to tell you what to do. "It's for your own good!" You know how we are.
 
Darla said:
He would never give you advice on how to date me, it's backfired on him in the past, and he's afraid of my slapping him with a lawsuit if his streak continues. lol

Plus, I don't smoke, sorry. I did quit though, and you should too. Sorry, it's the liberal in me rearing her head and forcing me to tell you what to do. "It's for your own good!" You know how we are.
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No, you've got it all wrong, here let's go over lib strategy together...

1. Start all sorts of lawsuits against tobacco corporations because after all it's not like the people who freely buy the product should take any responsibility or face any consequences.
2. Make it banned in all places including private clubs, pissing all over the Constitution in regard to respect over private property.
3. At the same time, scream about how Marijuana laws are too harsh and play up smoking weed as cool. That way you get that hip-PC-hypocrisy thing going.

Then and only then do you start the lecturing other people over quitting for their own good - just don't forget that the next day you still got to get really pissed at anyone religious who lectures anyone over doing something for THEIR own good.
 
I don't want to smoke. I just want to be allowed to let other people smoke in my place of business if I choose to.
 
Yes, but in his argument not only disproved that people should be allowed to smoke, he also said that people should be allowed to smoke pot, although he himself doesn't believe this. He was using a logical fallacy, common among liberals and conservatives, because both are philosophically inconsitent and illogical. Only libertarianism is logical and consistent.
 
TheDanold said:
No, you've got it all wrong, here let's go over lib strategy together...

1. Start all sorts of lawsuits against tobacco corporations because after all it's not like the people who freely buy the product should take any responsibility or face any consequences.
2. Make it banned in all places including private clubs, pissing all over the Constitution in regard to respect over private property.
3. At the same time, scream about how Marijuana laws are too harsh and play up smoking weed as cool. That way you get that hip-PC-hypocrisy thing going.

Then and only then do you start the lecturing other people over quitting for their own good - just don't forget that the next day you still got to get really pissed at anyone religious who lectures anyone over doing something for THEIR own good.
Click to expand...


Wow. You really want me don't you?
 
TheDanold said:
No, you've got it all wrong, here let's go over lib strategy together...

1. Start all sorts of lawsuits against tobacco corporations because after all it's not like the people who freely buy the product should take any responsibility or face any consequences.
2. Make it banned in all places including private clubs, pissing all over the Constitution in regard to respect over private property.
3. At the same time, scream about how Marijuana laws are too harsh and play up smoking weed as cool. That way you get that hip-PC-hypocrisy thing going.

Then and only then do you start the lecturing other people over quitting for their own good - just don't forget that the next day you still got to get really pissed at anyone religious who lectures anyone over doing something for THEIR own good.
Click to expand...

disingenuous. "the left" is a broad spectrum of people. Can you prove that at least a simple of majority of "the left" want cigarettes banned while they want marijuana legalized as an otc product?
 
LadyT said:
disingenuous. "the left" is a broad spectrum of people. Can you prove that at least a simple of majority of "the left" want cigarettes banned while they want marijuana legalized as an otc product?
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It's a joke, LadyT... No need to take it so seriously.
 
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