Prince Charles
Ich dien
Americanus are considered to be dangerous invasive species, known to wipe out whole native ecosystems.
Unfortunately, once established, they are notoriously hard to get rid of.
The following are a few handy suggestions towards eliminating an Americanus infestation.
Have you seen any Americanus lately? A lone Americanus is not enough to cause worry. Detection is fairly easy, because Americanus in foreign countries always look like tourists, arraying their fat bodies in Bermuda shorts, sandals worn with socks, and the ubiqitous fanny pack.
But you should beware the mating pair.
Even the presence of two Americanus (poorly disguided as advisors, for example) can lead to a whole flock establishing themselves overnight, converting areas of natural beauty to a wasteland of fast food outlets and cheap lodgings.
Two are necessary to reproduce since their singular unattractiveness normally renders them safe from the sexual attentions of other nationalities.
If you have detected an infestation of Americanus in your homeland, get an industrial strength Americanus repellant. (Look for labels like "contains cultural elements".
These ingredients will send Americanus packing in terror.
Once Starbucks appear, however, the Americanus infestation is severe.
At this point, the most humane alternative is through capture and forced relocation.
Capturing invading Americanus hordes is fairly easy: simply place tourist traps in various locations, effectively detaining them in a controlled area. (For best results, bait such traps with trinkets, such as t-shirts, paperweights, and the occasional item of cultural value. All of them overpriced, of course.
Eventually, they will relocate themselves (back into the U.S.) once they run out of money.
Unfortunately, once established, they are notoriously hard to get rid of.
The following are a few handy suggestions towards eliminating an Americanus infestation.
Have you seen any Americanus lately? A lone Americanus is not enough to cause worry. Detection is fairly easy, because Americanus in foreign countries always look like tourists, arraying their fat bodies in Bermuda shorts, sandals worn with socks, and the ubiqitous fanny pack.
But you should beware the mating pair.
Even the presence of two Americanus (poorly disguided as advisors, for example) can lead to a whole flock establishing themselves overnight, converting areas of natural beauty to a wasteland of fast food outlets and cheap lodgings.
Two are necessary to reproduce since their singular unattractiveness normally renders them safe from the sexual attentions of other nationalities.
If you have detected an infestation of Americanus in your homeland, get an industrial strength Americanus repellant. (Look for labels like "contains cultural elements".
These ingredients will send Americanus packing in terror.
Once Starbucks appear, however, the Americanus infestation is severe.
At this point, the most humane alternative is through capture and forced relocation.
Capturing invading Americanus hordes is fairly easy: simply place tourist traps in various locations, effectively detaining them in a controlled area. (For best results, bait such traps with trinkets, such as t-shirts, paperweights, and the occasional item of cultural value. All of them overpriced, of course.
Eventually, they will relocate themselves (back into the U.S.) once they run out of money.
