golf advice

Cancel 2018. 3

<-- sched 2, MJ sched 1
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly
round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young
blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round
of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio
whether she could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed.

Smiling,the blonde thanked them and said, 'Look, fellows, I work in a
topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you
want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories
or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go
ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so
don't try to coach me on how to play my shots.'

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first

All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her
ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards
down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth was agape. 'That was beautiful,' he said.

The blonde put her driver away and said, 'I really didn't get into it,
and I faded it a little.'

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the
blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of
the hole (She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, 'Damn, lady, you played that perfectly..'

The blonde frowned and said, 'It was a little weak, but even an easy
seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt.'
She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.

Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck
out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the
middle of the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the
guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par,
and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, 'I really want to thank you all
for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to
use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really
like to break 70 on this course.

If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take
him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill
Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good
time the rest of the night.'

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green,
carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, 'Honey, aim
about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get
over that little hump and break right into the cup.'

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb.
'Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches
to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls
into the cup.'

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball,
picked it up and handed it to her and said, 'That's a gimme,
sweetheart.'

The blonde smiled and said, 'Your car or mine?'
 
The correct term is "treachery".
yawn.gif
 
The real question is, could the grandfather survive the date?
Dying with a smile isn't bad either, though.
A good way to go. As explained in the post below, my golf experience is limited. TOW said both you and @Ross Dolan knew you way around a golf course. Per my posts below, any help?

Anyone know much about golf? I've played two rounds in my life but don't know shit about it except playing putt-putt (great date fun!) and having a few drinks at the O'Club then going to the driving range with my shipmates and having a contest to see who can hit the little cart shagging the balls.

How do you calculate a handicap?
I have an old, partial set of used clubs and very large batch of used golfballs I bought years ago when I first moved onto my property. In a minor feud with a neighbor, I'd occasionally hit a few onto his property where his tractor mower would either send them back or into his barn. I wasn't very good as far as distance or accuracy but got the job done. LOL

My wife thinks I need to get out more and I'm looking at my options.
 
A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly
round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young
blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them

She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round
of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio
whether she could join them.

Naturally, the guys all agreed.

Smiling,the blonde thanked them and said, 'Look, fellows, I work in a
topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you
want to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, swear, tell off-color stories
or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go
ahead. But, I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so
don't try to coach me on how to play my shots.'

With that the guys agreed to relax and invited her to drive first

All eyes were fastened on her shapely behind as she bent to place her
ball on the tee. She then took her driver and hit the ball 270 yards
down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father's mouth was agape. 'That was beautiful,' he said.

The blonde put her driver away and said, 'I really didn't get into it,
and I faded it a little.'

After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the
blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of
the hole (She was closest to the pin.)

The son said, 'Damn, lady, you played that perfectly..'

The blonde frowned and said, 'It was a little weak, but even an easy
seven would have been too much club. I've left a tricky little putt.'
She then tapped in the five-footer for a birdie.

Having the honors, she drove first on the second hole, knocked the heck
out of the ball, and it landed nearly 300 yards away smack in the
middle of the fairway.

For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continued to amaze the
guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.

When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par,
and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turned to the three guys and said, 'I really want to thank you all
for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to
use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I'd really
like to break 70 on this course.

If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I'll take
him back to my apartment, pour some 35-year-old Single Malt Strath Mill
Scotch in him, fix him a steak dinner and then show him a very good
time the rest of the night.'

The yuppie son jumped at the thought! He strolled across the green,
carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said, 'Honey, aim
about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get
over that little hump and break right into the cup.'

The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb.
'Don't listen to the kid, darlin', you want to hit it softly 10 inches
to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls
into the cup.'

The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball,
picked it up and handed it to her and said, 'That's a gimme,
sweetheart.'

The blonde smiled and said, 'Your car or mine?'
Is this about simping?

they all seem like huge simptards.

and golf is gay.
 
A good way to go. As explained in the post below, my golf experience is limited. TOW said both you and @Ross Dolan knew you way around a golf course. Per my posts below, any help?
Golf is an extremely difficult game to learn in your teens, much less in your sixties.
It's also very, very expensive.
Having an idea about your inclinations, I think you can find a more suitable outdoor activity to enjoy.

Handicaps are very complicated.

First a computer calculates your INDEX based on your scores as applied to the rated difficulty (slope rating) of the courses on which you played to those scores.

Your handicap on the course that you're playing is listed on a chart applying your index to that particular course.
 
Golf is an extremely difficult game to learn in your teens, much less in your sixties.
It's also very, very expensive.
Having an idea about your inclinations, I think you can find a more suitable outdoor activity to enjoy.

Handicaps are very complicated.

First a computer calculates your INDEX based on your scores as applied to the rated difficulty (slope rating) of the courses on which you played to those scores.

Your handicap on the course that you're playing is listed on a chart applying your index to that particular course.
There is almost nothing like it...but it is not an easy sport.

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VERY few professional athletes in the major sports world are not golfers at every opportunity...with some becoming very good. But a non-professional golfer...even a scratch golfer...would not be able to handle most pro golfers.

Very, very expensive...unless you get lucky. I went to work at a county golf course in a country with five courses. While I worked, I was able to play free. Now, I am able to play as a premium senior (over 85) at a very reduced rate.

Lemme say to anyone deciding to give the game a spin. Buckle up, because it can get you into its clutches like damn near nothing else.

As for handicaps...well, what Nifty said above is right on the button. I handled the handicap input computer at our course...and even getting the score card right for entry is a bitch.
 
Golf is an extremely difficult game to learn in your teens, much less in your sixties.
It's also very, very expensive.
Having an idea about your inclinations, I think you can find a more suitable outdoor activity to enjoy.

Handicaps are very complicated.

First a computer calculates your INDEX based on your scores as applied to the rated difficulty (slope rating) of the courses on which you played to those scores.

Your handicap on the course that you're playing is listed on a chart applying your index to that particular course.
this is why it has ALL the 'riz'.
 
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