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Here is one way to deal with these people



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David

This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters


From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thank you for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around $372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my own legwarmers and headband.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags.

Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six months.


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push that' dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids, it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals. I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a community service by employing people with Down's Syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f*ck yourself.



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another side effect is a reduction in the size of your penis, this gives you understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my penis was a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those around me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that could help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I like to Listen to music by LinkinPark. The added angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Ok.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

The middle one.
 
Last edited:
tom prendergast said:
Here is one way to deal with these people



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David

This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best, Jeff Peters


From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thank you for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around $372.10 off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is correct and I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness First sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my own legwarmers and headband.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have those bags.

Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six months.


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child often turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go several days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the lady from next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her arthritis and limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude, telling me to 'lift this', ''push that' dulled my initial enthusiasm of becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids, it is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our most experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying to be helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms you could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the low qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an over supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless professionals. I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well and collected sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess we would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money back. He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of like those factories that provide a community service by employing people with Down's Syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more Spandex obviously.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f*ck yourself.



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another side effect is a reduction in the size of your penis, this gives you understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my penis was a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those around me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that could help you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available on the subject for people with limited reading skills. When I am angry I like to Listen to music by LinkinPark. The added angst and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters fight forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each other out and I find myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth a try.

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Ok.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

The middle one.
Click to expand...

Priceless. :good4u:
 
That reminds me of the fun I used to have with phonecalls from Call centers and telemarketers. Though I did get into troube for one of them.

Probably my best was when a telemarketer from India called me about a late CC payment. He used a fake American name "Joe" and was talking in a fake American accent, which was pretty obvious.

So when he asked for me by name I started talking to him in a fake Indian accent. I had a hell of a time keeping a straight face because my wife and friend who was visiting picked up on what I was doing and started laughing their asses off. Pretty soon the guy who called me started laughing and admited that he was calling from a call center in Bangalore and that his name really wasn't Joe.

Another one of my favorites is when a telemarketer calls....pretend your interested for about a minute. Then tell them..oh..someones at the door. Can you hold on a minute. Then put the phone down and time how long it takes them before they hang up. :) My record was when one poor desperate salesman waited over 20 minutes before hanging up.

Another good one to do to telemarketers is the "Grandpa Simpson" routine. Talk like your a senile octagenarian. Let them get into their sales pitch, then interupt them with an irrelevent question then segue into a rant on a completely different subject. Keep doing that till they get frustrated and hang up on you. The hard part is not cracking up laughing while you do it.

The one that got me in trouble was when some telemarketer from a cleaning company called me and I asked them if they could get blood out, that it was all over my couch, carpet and walls. Then I said "Whoops" and hung up on them. About 15 minutes later the Davidson Police were knocking on my door and they didn't think I was funny at all. Go figure?
 
Last edited:
Mott the Hoople said:
That reminds me of the fun I used to have with phonecalls from Call centers and telemarketers. Though I did get into troube for one of them.

Probably my best was when a telemarketer from India called me about a late CC payment. He used a fake American name "Joe" and was talking in a fake American accent, which was pretty obvious.

So when he asked for me by name I started talking to him in a fake Indian accent. I had a hell of a time keeping a straight face because my wife and friend who was visiting picked up on what I was doing and started laughing their asses off. Pretty soon the guy who called me started laughing and admited that he was calling from a call center in Bangalore and that his name really wasn't Joe.

Another one of my favorites is when a telemarketer calls....pretend your interested for about a minute. Then tell them..oh..someones at the door. Can you hold on a minute. Then put the phone down and time how long it takes them before they hang up. :) My record was when one poor desperate salesman waited over 20 minutes before hanging up.

Another good one to do to telemarketers is the "Grandpa Simpson" routine. Talk like your a senile octagenarian. Let them get into their sales pitch, then interupt them with an irrelevent question then segue into a rant on a completely different subject. Keep doing that till they get frustrated and hang up on you. The hard part is not cracking up laughing while you do it.

The one that got me in trouble was when some telemarketer from a cleaning company called me and I asked them if they could get blood out, that it was all over my couch, carpet and walls. Then I said "Whoops" and hung up on them. About 15 minutes later the Davidson Police were knocking on my door and they didn't think I was funny at all. Go figure?
Click to expand...

I don't know if you've come across this prank call before, it is just brilliant.

 
LOL! That sounds like something that might have been aired on the "Bob and Tom Show". Do you know if that was the source?
 
Mott the Hoople said:
That reminds me of the fun I used to have with phonecalls from Call centers and telemarketers. Though I did get into troube for one of them.

Probably my best was when a telemarketer from India called me about a late CC payment. He used a fake American name "Joe" and was talking in a fake American accent, which was pretty obvious.

So when he asked for me by name I started talking to him in a fake Indian accent. I had a hell of a time keeping a straight face because my wife and friend who was visiting picked up on what I was doing and started laughing their asses off. Pretty soon the guy who called me started laughing and admited that he was calling from a call center in Bangalore and that his name really wasn't Joe.

Another one of my favorites is when a telemarketer calls....pretend your interested for about a minute. Then tell them..oh..someones at the door. Can you hold on a minute. Then put the phone down and time how long it takes them before they hang up. :) My record was when one poor desperate salesman waited over 20 minutes before hanging up.

Another good one to do to telemarketers is the "Grandpa Simpson" routine. Talk like your a senile octagenarian. Let them get into their sales pitch, then interupt them with an irrelevent question then segue into a rant on a completely different subject. Keep doing that till they get frustrated and hang up on you. The hard part is not cracking up laughing while you do it.

The one that got me in trouble was when some telemarketer from a cleaning company called me and I asked them if they could get blood out, that it was all over my couch, carpet and walls. Then I said "Whoops" and hung up on them. About 15 minutes later the Davidson Police were knocking on my door and they didn't think I was funny at all. Go figure?
Click to expand...


I got into one of those 1-876 calls that have to do with winning a lottery; but they wan't money and a back account.
I had the guy convinced that I was a little old lady, who's daughter and son-in-law were monitoring my calls and bank account.
He told me to pawn jewelry, if I had to.

He called back twice a week, for 3 weeks; before I answered and told him that I was her son-in-law and that she was in the hospital.

He actually gave me a P.O BOX number in Chicago and I forwarded the number and contact name to the authorities.

I wonder what ever happened. :cof1:
 
USFREEDOM911 said:
I got into one of those 1-876 calls that have to do with winning a lottery; but they wan't money and a back account.
I had the guy convinced that I was a little old lady, who's daughter and son-in-law were monitoring my calls and bank account.
He told me to pawn jewelry, if I had to.

He called back twice a week, for 3 weeks; before I answered and told him that I was her son-in-law and that she was in the hospital.

He actually gave me a P.O BOX number in Chicago and I forwarded the number and contact name to the authorities.

I wonder what ever happened. :cof1:
Click to expand...
I hope he was prosecuted to the full extent of the law. People like that who prey on our elderly are lower than pond scum.
 
I worked as a telemarketer for a few years and I actually had the "murder scene" one tried on me twice. It was pretty funny, but usually we're stuck on a script that we can't vary from so we can't usually acknowledge it or laugh.
 
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