Rationalist
Hail Voltaire
Seattle is among the shittiest cities in America. Below, I've provided a few reasons why I believe this to be true.
First, driving in Seattle sucks. When a traffic light turns green, drivers hesitate for a minimum of ten seconds before accelerating. When they finally do move, they move very, very slowly. It is not uncommon for only one or two vehicles to make it through a light cycle. Yet, the same Seattleites have no qualms about running red lights.
Bicyclists are of the belief that they own the road. While I am perfectly willing to share the road, what I'm not willing to do is slow down to 3mph when the bicyclists could easily move aside and allow me to pass. Bicyclists intentionally block/jam traffic, even as the city has partitioned lanes for riders. Also, pedestrians never obey the law. This is particularly true in the Wallingford and Ballard neighborhoods, where pedestrians ignore crosswalks and expect drivers to stop for them as they break the law.
When I don't drive, I take the bus. My workplace has provided me with a free bus pass, which I try to use as often as I can tolerate. Many of the bus drivers are rude, never on time, and the stench of other passengers is simply unfathomable. It would seem even rudimentary hygiene is a foreign concept to these creatures.
The culture is odd and the politics are absurd. While sporting their Che Guevara tee shirt and Fidel Castro-style military cap, they actually brag about how they have no money, as though having no money is somehow impressive; and yet, $14 martinis don't seem to be a problem. Ninety percent of them are Democrat (or Socialist, Green, etc.), but they are unable to explain why. They claim to be open minded. I think they're so open minded that their brains fell out.
Then, there are the limousine liberals - the rich folks who get involved with various "progressive" causes. These are the schmucks you see driving in their new Audi RS4 covered with left-wing bumper stickers. They advocate higher property taxes to support public education, while sending their kids to Lakeside or Bishop Blanchet.
The homeless in Seattle are quite possibly the stupidest mother fuckers in America. When I walk to the office, I get stopped by the same idiots who try to tell me the same unbelievable sob story from the day before. It's the same, tired old bullshit, every day.
The weather is indescribably terrible. Contrary to popular belief, Seattle does not receive an extraordinary amount of annual rainfall - around 35 inches, which is lower than that of NYC, Chicago, New Orleans, and several other cities in the US. The best way to describe Seattle's weather is overcast with a constant drizzle. In fact, Seattle receives less than 70 days of sunny weather. The winters suck balls. Everyone freaks out when there's half an inch of snow on the ground. Last November, I had to abandon my car, hike a mile to work and sleep in my office because there were 5+ vehicle collisions blocking the way home.
Lastly, the cost of living is obscene. I pay nearly $1200 per month for a small, two-bedroom apartment on the outskirts of the city. If you're a middle-class person looking to buy a house, look elsewhere. Even a 800 Sqft hole in the ground will run you $500k. Plus, all the essentials (groceries, booze, etc.) are more expensive.
Bottom line: nearly everything about Seattle amounts to one giant fucking step backwards as a species.
I'd like to finish on a positive note, however, by mentioning one thing that's great about Seattle: beer. We have some of the finest beer in the country, which is, along with gin and whiskey, the only thing that sustains me in this godforsaken place.
First, driving in Seattle sucks. When a traffic light turns green, drivers hesitate for a minimum of ten seconds before accelerating. When they finally do move, they move very, very slowly. It is not uncommon for only one or two vehicles to make it through a light cycle. Yet, the same Seattleites have no qualms about running red lights.
Bicyclists are of the belief that they own the road. While I am perfectly willing to share the road, what I'm not willing to do is slow down to 3mph when the bicyclists could easily move aside and allow me to pass. Bicyclists intentionally block/jam traffic, even as the city has partitioned lanes for riders. Also, pedestrians never obey the law. This is particularly true in the Wallingford and Ballard neighborhoods, where pedestrians ignore crosswalks and expect drivers to stop for them as they break the law.
When I don't drive, I take the bus. My workplace has provided me with a free bus pass, which I try to use as often as I can tolerate. Many of the bus drivers are rude, never on time, and the stench of other passengers is simply unfathomable. It would seem even rudimentary hygiene is a foreign concept to these creatures.
The culture is odd and the politics are absurd. While sporting their Che Guevara tee shirt and Fidel Castro-style military cap, they actually brag about how they have no money, as though having no money is somehow impressive; and yet, $14 martinis don't seem to be a problem. Ninety percent of them are Democrat (or Socialist, Green, etc.), but they are unable to explain why. They claim to be open minded. I think they're so open minded that their brains fell out.
Then, there are the limousine liberals - the rich folks who get involved with various "progressive" causes. These are the schmucks you see driving in their new Audi RS4 covered with left-wing bumper stickers. They advocate higher property taxes to support public education, while sending their kids to Lakeside or Bishop Blanchet.
The homeless in Seattle are quite possibly the stupidest mother fuckers in America. When I walk to the office, I get stopped by the same idiots who try to tell me the same unbelievable sob story from the day before. It's the same, tired old bullshit, every day.
The weather is indescribably terrible. Contrary to popular belief, Seattle does not receive an extraordinary amount of annual rainfall - around 35 inches, which is lower than that of NYC, Chicago, New Orleans, and several other cities in the US. The best way to describe Seattle's weather is overcast with a constant drizzle. In fact, Seattle receives less than 70 days of sunny weather. The winters suck balls. Everyone freaks out when there's half an inch of snow on the ground. Last November, I had to abandon my car, hike a mile to work and sleep in my office because there were 5+ vehicle collisions blocking the way home.
Lastly, the cost of living is obscene. I pay nearly $1200 per month for a small, two-bedroom apartment on the outskirts of the city. If you're a middle-class person looking to buy a house, look elsewhere. Even a 800 Sqft hole in the ground will run you $500k. Plus, all the essentials (groceries, booze, etc.) are more expensive.
Bottom line: nearly everything about Seattle amounts to one giant fucking step backwards as a species.
I'd like to finish on a positive note, however, by mentioning one thing that's great about Seattle: beer. We have some of the finest beer in the country, which is, along with gin and whiskey, the only thing that sustains me in this godforsaken place.
