Here's an old one... but it still made me grin.

Damocles

Damocles

Accedo!
Staff member
If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!

A United States Marine was taking some college courses

between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq

and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who

was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.

He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if

you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform...

I'll give you exactly 15 min.. The lecture room fell silent.

You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor

proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the

Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and hit him;

knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there

looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to,

noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,

"What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting

soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid

stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."

The classroom erupted in cheers!
 
Kinda funny, but I like it better when C'Thulhu comes down and devours the entire class, except for his faithful Marine follower, who he deems worthy enough to witness the coming madness.
 
damo this is by far probably one of the dumbest things you have ever posted. You should ban yourself from jpp
 
Damocles said:
If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!

A United States Marine was taking some college courses

between assignments. He had completed 20 missions in Iraq

and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who

was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.

He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "GOD, if

you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform...

I'll give you exactly 15 min.. The lecture room fell silent.

You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor

proclaimed, "Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting."

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the

Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and hit him;

knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there

looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to,

noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked,

"What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Marine calmly replied, "GOD was too busy today protecting

soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid

stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me."

The classroom erupted in cheers!
Click to expand...

Not funny. I remember 'The Deck of Cards' and others of that ilk. Not funny at all. They are simplistic, ill thought propaganda designed to sell their god (?) to you and persuade you to switch off your 'sensible' button. It is foolish in the extreme to respond to such hogwash. It is certainly foolish to give any of these dips into the syrup of fictitious nonsense any credence whatsoever.
 
Synchronicity said:
damo this is by far probably one of the dumbest things you have ever posted. You should ban yourself from jpp
Click to expand...

wow do you hate damocles or something? I think you hate him based on what you said.

Anyway none of you know me or give a shit about my presence in the slightest, but I would like to announce that I am leaving this website to go to a better message board where people don't hate damocles. His joke was perhaps one of the funniest things ever posted.
 
A retired marine DI was attending college. At a function, he stood in his dress blues looking like he was at attention. A young coed noticed how stiff and stuffy he looked, and went up to engage him in conversation. After about 30 mins the young lady asked, "You seem like a very nice man, but you are so tense. May I ask when the last time you had sex?". The marine raised an eyebrow and replied, "I'm not tense ma'am. I am simply standing as any good marine would stand. As for your question, it was 1955".

The lady was amazed and decided to help him out with his tension. She took him back to her apartment, where she proceeded to help him. She was surprised at how much he helped her instead. In fact, after 2 hours of helping her relieve her stress, she was bordering on exhaustion from sheer pleasure. After they were finished she commented, "You certainly didn't forget anything since 1955". The marine looked at his watch and replied, "Ma'am why would I? Its only 2030 now".
 
My Uncle who just recently passed away was a combat Marine during the Vietnam War. He was telling about how once he was out on patrol and he was bivouaced with an Army Ranger, a Green Beret and a Navy Seal. It was night and no VC were in the area so they were sitting around a camp fire drinking beer and bragging about what bad asses they were. The Army Ranger was bragging that he could scale a cliff with just a butter knife that we being defended by enemy soldiers with hand grenades and machine guns and he could take them all out to gain the position. The Green Beret said "that's nothing, you can drop me 500 miles behind enemy lines with no food, no water and a sling shot and I can find my target, take him out and return 500 miles through enemy lines unscathed." The Nave Seal said "Phlllllbbbbt! That's nothing, I can swin half a klick under water with one breath, plant a bomb on a ship and make it back to shore undetected and take out a whole ship."

My Uncle the Marine sat their just smiling and said nothing and just sat there stirring the coals of the camp fire with his dick.
 
Mott the Hoople said:
My Uncle who just recently passed away was a combat Marine during the Vietnam War. He was telling about how once he was out on patrol and he was bivouaced with an Army Ranger, a Green Beret and a Navy Seal. It was night and no VC were in the area so they were sitting around a camp fire drinking beer and bragging about what bad asses they were. The Army Ranger was bragging that he could scale a cliff with just a butter knife that we being defended by enemy soldiers with hand grenades and machine guns and he could take them all out to gain the position. The Green Beret said "that's nothing, you can drop me 500 miles behind enemy lines with no food, no water and a sling shot and I can find my target, take him out and return 500 miles through enemy lines unscathed." The Nave Seal said "Phlllllbbbbt! That's nothing, I can swin half a klick under water with one breath, plant a bomb on a ship and make it back to shore undetected and take out a whole ship."

My Uncle the Marine sat their just smiling and said nothing and just sat there stirring the coals of the camp fire with his dick.
Click to expand...
Mott, that's the best one yet. For a profligate anyways.
 
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