Hey, my wife!

Mott the Hoople said:
Hehe, you may be laughing now....but wait till you have one!
Click to expand...

That reminds of the late great Bob Monkhouse.

When I was young they laughed when I said that I wanted to become a comedian, well they're not laughing now.

Here are some more Bob Monkhouse one liners.


  • "Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?"
  • "Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted."http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Monkhouse#cite_note-Times_obit-5
  • "Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest."http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Monkhouse#cite_note-Times_obit-5
  • "I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father. Not screaming and terrified like his passengers."http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Monkhouse#cite_note-Guardian_obit-1
  • "Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional."
  • "As a comic, you need every wrinkle. Having a facelift would be like asking a tap dancer to have his feet lopped off."
  • "I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!"
  • "I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate."
  • "So you are half Welsh and half Hungarian, that means you are well-hung!"
  • "You'll be glad to hear, I can still enjoy sex at 74 which is great because I live at 76.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Monkhouse#cite_note-11
  • "I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard."
  • "It got up to 94 degrees today - that's pretty good at my age."
  • "People often think I'm from Kent. I hear them whisper it as I walk past."
  • On his visits to Princess Grace Hospital for treatment after being diagnosed with prostate cancer--"I've been in and out of Princess Grace more often than Prince Rainier."
  • "With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.
 
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It's a shame that Bob is not more well known in the US. Here he is with the also late great Peter Cook in 1985. He wrote many of the jokes for the likes of Bob Hope, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis in his early career.

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7o_aldP0trs"]YouTube - The Bob Monkhouse Show with Peter Cook[/ame]
 
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