High tech watch

C

Cancel 2018. 3

<-- sched 2, MJ sched 1
A confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?”
“No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A state-of-the-art watch? What’s so special about it?”
“It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” he explains.
“What’s it telling you now?” she asked.
“Well, it says you’re not wearing any panties.” he said.
The woman giggles and replies, “Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!”
The man explains, “Damn thing must be an hour fast.”
 
tom prendergast beer joke

A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“That will be one ruble,” says the bartender.
“One ruble!” the customer protests, “last week it was only fifty kopeks!”
“Well,” replies the bartender, “it’s fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika.”
Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, “We are out of beer
 
Yurt said:
A Russian walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“That will be one ruble,” says the bartender.
“One ruble!” the customer protests, “last week it was only fifty kopeks!”
“Well,” replies the bartender, “it’s fifty kopeks for the beer and fifty kopecs for the perestroika.”
Reluctantly, the customer gives the bartender a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender gives him back fifty kopecs and says, “We are out of beer
Click to expand...

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
One is a slimy, bottom dwelling, scum sucker. The other is a fish.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What’s the difference between God and an attorney?
God doesn’t think he’s an attorney.

How can you tell the difference between a dead skunk and a dead attorney on the road?
The vultures aren’t gagging over the skunk.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
The bucket.

A lawyer with insomnia consulted his doctor. “Which side is it best to lie on?” he asked. “The side that pays your fee,” replied the doctor.

If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you read the paper or go to lunch?

What is the proper weight for a lawyer? About 3 pounds, …….not counting the urn!
 
thanks for those never before heard lawyer jokes tom. i will tell my fellow parking nazis about your amazing sense of humor.

you did forget the classic one though:

what do you call 5000 lawyers on the bottom of the ocean floor?

a good start.
 
Yurt said:
thanks for those never before heard lawyer jokes tom. i will tell my fellow parking nazis about your amazing sense of humor.

you did forget the classic one though:

what do you call 5000 lawyers on the bottom of the ocean floor?

a good start.
Click to expand...

How many horse's heads are there in your bed?
 
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