Hit the Jackpot!

Ted Haggard

Ted Haggard

Verified User
“4 lottery tickets win $330M grand prize" (Yahoo News)


Well dear friends, I was one of the four winners! Hit the jackpot!

I’ll be off the board for a while. I’m gonna take that dream vacation I’ve always wanted: Thailand and Cambodia, here I come! (and get your mind out of the gutter, I’m not going to southeast asia because prostitution with young boys is legal).

What will I do with the loot, when I come back home you ask, dear friends?

Well, I’m going to open a chain of clinics to treat people for gay sex and massage-addiction.

Second, I’m going to provide the seed money for an insurgent republican nominee for president.

Let’s face it, the GOP current field is just embarrassing to any God-fearing Christian. I’m mean, the top four Democratic contenders are married to their first and only spouses; their high school and college sweethearts all.

In contrast, the top republican candidates are serial adulterers, with multiple wives, estranged children, and trophy wives decades their junior; with surgically enhanced breasts.

No, no, this will never do. Does anyone know if Ron Reagan, Junior is available and willing to run for President? I heard some rumours that he had a career as a ballet dancer, that he’s liberal, and was estranged from his father. But, I simply can’t believe that anyone with Reagan genes could turn out that way. Anyone with Reagan genes simply HAS to own a ranch, a ten gallon cowboy hat, and season passes to Dallas Cowboy football games. Anyhoo, if you have Ron Junior’s email or contact information, and are willing to provide it, I would appreciate it!

Thanks, dear friends. See you when I get back from Cambodia!


God Bless,

Ted
 
Dude I can travel to Thailand on my salary. $300 over there is enough for a week of whatever you want.
 
Dear Brother Ted,

You should be ashamed of yourself. A man of your stature and importance in the Church doing such a shameful thing. We all know that the church denounces the very same things that you seem to relish. The members of your congregation would expect you to be a bit more giving since you have had such good fortune. Playing the lottery is a form of gambling Ted, and gambling is a sin. But if God saw fit to bestow winning numbers on you, I believe that he would expect you to use the winnings to spread your love to the needy youth of your own congregation. Please rethink your vacation plans and try to consider the poor, struggling, sweaty, glistening young men in our own church, neighborhood and community.
 
Good point Crash I was forced to attend the same denomination as ted is for the first 15 years of my life....
Gambling is a major sin in thr Assemblies of god and many other church denominations. they specifically told me Catholics would burn in hell for playing bingo and actually drinking alcoholic beverages like Jesus did.


They sort of had me sold for a while on the gambling, but if jesus drank wine and he was the son of god or god whichever way you see it....
I guess that no drinking is an islamic influence ;)
 
Crashk said:
Dear Brother Ted,

You should be ashamed of yourself. A man of your stature and importance in the Church doing such a shameful thing. We all know that the church denounces the very same things that you seem to relish. The members of your congregation would expect you to be a bit more giving since you have had such good fortune. Playing the lottery is a form of gambling Ted, and gambling is a sin. But if God saw fit to bestow winning numbers on you, I believe that he would expect you to use the winnings to spread your love to the needy youth of your own congregation. Please rethink your vacation plans and try to consider the poor, struggling, sweaty, glistening young men in our own church, neighborhood and community.
Click to expand...


Dear Sir,

My hands are clean!

I made my little son go buy the lottery ticket. The sin in on his head! Ha Ha, sucker!



God Bless,

Ted
 
USC, I was just saying that Brother Ted should bend over backwards to serve the youth in his congregation. With his lotto winnings his faith should be so strong that they could never suck the righteousness from his body. With his lotto winnings his holy rod and staff should be generously lubricated and willing to penetrate into the bowls of his congregations sins.
 
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