TheDanold
Unimatrix
I created this and thought after, Ok it's a little lame, I thought of throwing it away, but it has its moments, so enjoy.
How The Liberal Grinch Stole Christmas
by Dr. Danuess
Every Who Down in Hicksville Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Liberal Grinch,Who lived just north of Hicksville, Did NOT!
The Liberal Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. It's not like he uses reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his arguments weren't bright.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.
Whatever, he had no reason, He was just full of the blues,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his ivory tower with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the oil heated houses below in their town.
For he pretended every Who down in Hicksville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a nooselike wreath.
"And they're checking their stock links!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to regulate Christmas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early with Made in China toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a big commercial feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on sugar-pudding, and endangered roast beast.
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Who down in Hicksville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start praying!
They'd pray! And they'd pray! And they'd PRAY!
PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!
And the more the Liberal Grinch thought of this Who ChristmasSing,
The more the Liberal Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for all my single years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An unlawful idea!
THE LIBERAL GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, UNLAWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Liberal Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick IRS hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like some taxman prick!"
"All I need is public transportation..." The Grinch looked around.
But, since buses were scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find public transportation, I'll make everyone pay for it instead!"
So he called his congressman, Max. Then he took some red tape thread,
And he tied up congress with crazy ideas to stop cars from his head.
THEN He loaded up his bus And some old formlike stacks,
But before on his way, he greased up the palms of old Max.
Then the Grinch said, "Giddap!" And the bus started down,
Toward the urban sprawl homes where the Whos Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all enjoying peace from gov without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Grinchy Liberal hissed,
And he slid down the fireplace that was not yet been banned, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid through the hole. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Who stock picks all hung in a row.
"These stock picks," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he taxed every present!
All kinds of guns! Bicycles with no helmets! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he confiscated them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the fridge to poke his nose in. He took the Whos' feast!
He left them rice cakes, but He took the endangered beast!
He cleaned out that fridge as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last joint of tobaccoish-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will plant back their tree!"
And the Liberal Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-loo Who, who was not more than two.
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter,
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Santy Claus, why,”
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Liberal Grinch was not smart but was slick,
He thought up another lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's an old regular light on this tree that is now banned by our side."
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."
"I'll change it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he asked her if either of her parents spank her and he sent her to bed.
And when CindyLou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took was the CO2 emitting log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but paperwork and some gov flier.
And the one speck of food stamp That he left in the house,
Cost a lot in taxes but was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing To the other Whos' houses
Leaving food stamps Much too small For the other Whos' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Whos, still a-bed,
All the Whos, still asnooze When he packed up his bus that was red,
Packed it up with their taxes! Their guns! The wrappings!
The price tags! And the tobacco! The cell phones! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Taxit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to recycle it!
"PoohPooh to the Whos!" he was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,Then the Whos down in Hicksville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Hicksville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Hicksville, the tall and the small,
Was praying! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Liberal Grinch, despite global warming was deep in snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came despite taxes! It came without price tags!"
"It came without rules, regulations or plastic bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Liberal Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't matter if it involves a store."
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Hicksville they say,
That the Liberal Grinch's small brain Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his leftwing idiocy tilted to the right,
He whizzed with his stolen load through the bright morning light,
And he refunded the taxes! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast beast!
How The Liberal Grinch Stole Christmas
by Dr. Danuess
Every Who Down in Hicksville Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Liberal Grinch,Who lived just north of Hicksville, Did NOT!
The Liberal Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. It's not like he uses reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his arguments weren't bright.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his brain was two sizes too small.
Whatever, he had no reason, He was just full of the blues,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,
Staring down from his ivory tower with a sour, Grinchy frown,
At the oil heated houses below in their town.
For he pretended every Who down in Hicksville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a nooselike wreath.
"And they're checking their stock links!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to regulate Christmas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Who girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early with Made in China toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a big commercial feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on sugar-pudding, and endangered roast beast.
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Who down in Hicksville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start praying!
They'd pray! And they'd pray! And they'd PRAY!
PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!
And the more the Liberal Grinch thought of this Who ChristmasSing,
The more the Liberal Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for all my single years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An unlawful idea!
THE LIBERAL GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, UNLAWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Liberal Grinch laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick IRS hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like some taxman prick!"
"All I need is public transportation..." The Grinch looked around.
But, since buses were scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Grinch? No! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find public transportation, I'll make everyone pay for it instead!"
So he called his congressman, Max. Then he took some red tape thread,
And he tied up congress with crazy ideas to stop cars from his head.
THEN He loaded up his bus And some old formlike stacks,
But before on his way, he greased up the palms of old Max.
Then the Grinch said, "Giddap!" And the bus started down,
Toward the urban sprawl homes where the Whos Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Whos were all enjoying peace from gov without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Grinchy Liberal hissed,
And he slid down the fireplace that was not yet been banned, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid through the hole. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Who stock picks all hung in a row.
"These stock picks," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he taxed every present!
All kinds of guns! Bicycles with no helmets! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And he confiscated them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the fridge to poke his nose in. He took the Whos' feast!
He left them rice cakes, but He took the endangered beast!
He cleaned out that fridge as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grinch even took their last joint of tobaccoish-hash!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Grinch, "I will plant back their tree!"
And the Liberal Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!
Little Cindy-loo Who, who was not more than two.
The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter,
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Grinch and said, "Santy Claus, why,”
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Liberal Grinch was not smart but was slick,
He thought up another lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's an old regular light on this tree that is now banned by our side."
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."
"I'll change it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head,
And he asked her if either of her parents spank her and he sent her to bed.
And when CindyLou Who went to bed with her cup,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing he took was the CO2 emitting log for their fire!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old liar.
On their walls he left nothing but paperwork and some gov flier.
And the one speck of food stamp That he left in the house,
Cost a lot in taxes but was even too small for a mouse.
Then He did the same thing To the other Whos' houses
Leaving food stamps Much too small For the other Whos' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Whos, still a-bed,
All the Whos, still asnooze When he packed up his bus that was red,
Packed it up with their taxes! Their guns! The wrappings!
The price tags! And the tobacco! The cell phones! The trappings!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Taxit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to recycle it!
"PoohPooh to the Whos!" he was grinchishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,Then the Whos down in Hicksville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Grinch put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at Hicksville! The Grinch popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Hicksville, the tall and the small,
Was praying! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Liberal Grinch, despite global warming was deep in snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came despite taxes! It came without price tags!"
"It came without rules, regulations or plastic bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Liberal Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't matter if it involves a store."
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Hicksville they say,
That the Liberal Grinch's small brain Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his leftwing idiocy tilted to the right,
He whizzed with his stolen load through the bright morning light,
And he refunded the taxes! And the food for the feast!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grinch carved the roast beast!