Dumb People Make Children Cry
PBS fires young, female kiddie-show host over old, naughty video. Smart people groan
By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
Friday, July 28, 2006
What sort of people are we? What sort of warped and reckless and utterly silly value system do we suck on in this culture? Why are we so wildly, preternaturally terrified of all things sexual while at the same time drawn to it all like fat teenagers to French fries?
It is a fine moment to ask. Is it the lingering cancer of puritanism that makes us so bewildered? The rash-inducing wail of the evangelical right? How can they be slapped upside the head and put into a small cold room without windows for 10 thousand years or until they relax and take off their pants and learn to laugh again?
Here is one example. Here is an insidious nonstory about sex and puritanism and silly stupid people that happened recently in our silly stupid morally damaged culture, and you need to know because it infects us all and we need to develop some sort of vaccine, some sort of protective body armor as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently, the PBS Sprout Network just fired one of its on-air talents, name of Melanie Martinez, the host of a nightly, three-hour show called "The Good Night Show," which, according to the AP story, "airs soothing stories and cartoons designed to get an audience of 2-to-5-year-olds ready for bed. Each night, Martinez guides a puppet character into dreamland."
Right. So "The Good Night Show" ain't exactly "The West Wing." It's not exactly "Deadwood" on HBO. It's a cute piece of harmless fluff on PBS that airs in about 20 million homes. Martinez, it is reported, has a toddler of her own, which we can take to mean she knows something about what kids like. I'm guessing she smiles a lot. Is maternal. Sits on giant, brightly colored furniture and chats with birds. Or whatever.
Now, not owning a toddler of my own and therefore usually watching "The Daily Show" or browsing blogs or surfing for porn during kiddie bedtime hour, I have no idea what the hell this show is. But it sounds just insanely sweet and safe, in the way only a show that's designed to be televised Ambien for the pre-complete-sentence set could possibly be.
But then, a shocker. Turns our lovely Melanie Martinez is not what she appeared to be. Turns out Melanie Martinez had, prior to her gig smiling a lot and keeping your kids company for three solid hours while you join me in surfing for porn on the Internet, turns out she had a tiny sliver of an adult life before she took the gig at PBS. And what's worse, it's on video. On the Internet.
Oh. My. God.
Yes indeed, before joining PBS (a full seven years before, mind you), Martinez apparently appeared in two harmless, 30-second satire videos called "Technical Virgin" in which she spoofs PSAs by joking about -- say it with me now -- sex and virginity. Gasp. And PBS found out about it. Because Martinez told them.
And of course, PBS, spineless as a jellyfish licked by Pat Robertson, immediately fired her. They claimed the dialogue in Martinez's humor videos somehow meant she wasn't a good role model for their fluffy kiddie show. A show, remember, that's designed for 3-year-olds. For creatures who can barely go to the bathroom by themselves, much less understand the meaning of an adult satiric video they will never ever see.
