cancel2 2022
Canceled
Jeremy Clarkson certainly has a way with words. One of my personal favorites was in reference to the new Caparo T1. “When this thing goes on sale, there isn’t going to be a ditch in the land or a hedge row that isn’t full of Premiership footballers who are broken and on fire.” Enjoy.
1. “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”
2. [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a
pig’s bottom.”
3. [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] “When they
debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British
engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German
engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’
They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with
nails.”
4. “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not
driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and
sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going
to happen.”
5. “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s
what gets you.”
6. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More
comfortable than what… being stabbed?”
7. [On Detroit] “God may have created the world in six days, but while
he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”
8. “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was
great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”
9. [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French.
It’s a surrender monkey.”
10. [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said:
“Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your
daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”
11. [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better
looking than this!”
12. “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic
sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”
13. “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of
a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”
14. “If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select
reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”
15. “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange
dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”
16. [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on
democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”
17. [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve
heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would,
wouldn’t
you?”
18. “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it,
witchcraft happens and you go faster.”
19. “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people
carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh
good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted
diseases!’”
20. “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a
car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when
one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead
he was.”
21. [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG] “It sounds like Barry White eating
wasps.”
22. “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a
Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a
cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford
Galaxy.”
23. “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a
diesel powered wheelbarrow.”
24. “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really
work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so
that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort
of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”
25. “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to
places quicker than I do?”
1. “I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.”
2. [On the Porsche Boxster] “It couldn’t pull a greased stick out of a
pig’s bottom.”
3. [When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel] “When they
debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British
engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German
engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!’
They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with
nails.”
4. “I’m sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not
driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and
sleeping on the couch. If you’ve got even half a scrotum it’s not going
to happen.”
5. “Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s
what gets you.”
6. “Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More
comfortable than what… being stabbed?”
7. [On Detroit] “God may have created the world in six days, but while
he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.”
8. “Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was
great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.”
9. [On the Renault Clio V6] “I think the problem is that it’s French.
It’s a surrender monkey.”
10. [On the Enzo Ferrari] “I rang up Jay Kay, who’s got one, and said:
“Can we borrow yours?” and he said, “Yeah, if I can borrow your
daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.”
11. [On the Porsche Cayenne] “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better
looking than this!”
12. “The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic
sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.”
13. “Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of
a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.”
14. “If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select
reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.”
15. “That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange
dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.”
16. [On a Chevrolet Corvette] “The Americans lecture the world on
democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!”
17. [On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve
heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would,
wouldn’t
you?”
18. “A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it,
witchcraft happens and you go faster.”
19. “This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people
carriers. Not that that’s much to shout about. That’s like saying ‘Oh
good, I’ve got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted
diseases!’”
20. “In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a
car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled – usually when
one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead
he was.”
21. [On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG] “It sounds like Barry White eating
wasps.”
22. “I’d rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a
Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a
cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford
Galaxy.”
23. “Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a
diesel powered wheelbarrow.”
24. “Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really
work. It’s like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so
that it can be shown in British hotels. You’d just end up with a sort
of half hour close up of some bloke’s sweaty face.”
25. “I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to
places quicker than I do?”
