Laugh @ leftists with Legion
- Thread starter Legion
- Start date
NBA honors only remaining viewer by painting his name on court
When NBA officials learned that 19-year-old Kevin Peterson was their last remaining television viewer, all the players quickly dove onto the court with paint scrapers and frantically removed the slogan “Black Lives Matter”.
In its place, “Kevin Peterson” was painted in an effort to pander to their last audience member.
“I’ve always said, my job is to shut up and dribble,” LeBron James told the press once he learned his next contract would net him under fourteen dollars annually.
The news gets even worse for the NBA.
State Farm, the league’s largest advertiser, pulled all its ads and opted to just send a local agent over to Kevin’s house instead.
“Hello, Mr. Peterson, would you be interested in signing up for State Farm insurance?” the insurance agent asked him on his porch.
“My dad handles all that stuff,” Kevin informed the agent.
“OK, thank you,” the agent said, as State Farm saved themselves 312 million dollars.
At this grim juncture, NBA officials believe they have two options to save their multi-billion operation.
“Five billion? You’ll have to ask my dad,” Kevin told Commissioner Adam Silver.
https://flu-likesymptoms.com/nba-honors-only-remaining-guy-watching-by-painting-his-name-on-court/
When NBA officials learned that 19-year-old Kevin Peterson was their last remaining television viewer, all the players quickly dove onto the court with paint scrapers and frantically removed the slogan “Black Lives Matter”.
In its place, “Kevin Peterson” was painted in an effort to pander to their last audience member.
“I’ve always said, my job is to shut up and dribble,” LeBron James told the press once he learned his next contract would net him under fourteen dollars annually.
The news gets even worse for the NBA.
State Farm, the league’s largest advertiser, pulled all its ads and opted to just send a local agent over to Kevin’s house instead.
“Hello, Mr. Peterson, would you be interested in signing up for State Farm insurance?” the insurance agent asked him on his porch.
“My dad handles all that stuff,” Kevin informed the agent.
“OK, thank you,” the agent said, as State Farm saved themselves 312 million dollars.
At this grim juncture, NBA officials believe they have two options to save their multi-billion operation.
- One option is to grow their audience by providing televised sports entertainment for people who don't hate America.
- The other is to send someone over to Kevin’s house to ask for the five billion dollars they need to keep the league afloat.
“Five billion? You’ll have to ask my dad,” Kevin told Commissioner Adam Silver.
https://flu-likesymptoms.com/nba-honors-only-remaining-guy-watching-by-painting-his-name-on-court/
Biden Proposes Mask That Will Cover The Entire Continental U.S.
Shaky old Joe Biden has has repeatedly called for a national mask mandate.
Now he’s gone one step farther and asked for a giant mask to be placed over the entire continental U.S.
“Masks work,” Shaky Joe told fawning reporters, “and it’s time to stop giving people an option on masks. So we’re just going to put a mask on everything. Everything!”
Some scientists have spoken out against his plan, saying, “Masks don’t work that way,” but Shaky Joe said those were “bad scientists” and “the kind you ignore” as opposed to “good scientists” whom you "always obey without question.”
The plan, while hailed as necessary by many progressives, has been denounced by right-wingers who hate helping others and by farmers and other people who need the sun. “Muh crops!” said one farmer. “Muh crops!”
“Come on, man!” responded Shaky Joe. “We can’t worry about how you’re trying to grow pickles or whatever.”
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-proposes-mask-that-will-cover-all-the-continental-us
Shaky old Joe Biden has has repeatedly called for a national mask mandate.
Now he’s gone one step farther and asked for a giant mask to be placed over the entire continental U.S.
“Masks work,” Shaky Joe told fawning reporters, “and it’s time to stop giving people an option on masks. So we’re just going to put a mask on everything. Everything!”
Some scientists have spoken out against his plan, saying, “Masks don’t work that way,” but Shaky Joe said those were “bad scientists” and “the kind you ignore” as opposed to “good scientists” whom you "always obey without question.”
The plan, while hailed as necessary by many progressives, has been denounced by right-wingers who hate helping others and by farmers and other people who need the sun. “Muh crops!” said one farmer. “Muh crops!”
“Come on, man!” responded Shaky Joe. “We can’t worry about how you’re trying to grow pickles or whatever.”
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-proposes-mask-that-will-cover-all-the-continental-us
