Laugh @ leftists with Legion
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Heroic Secret Service Agent Dives In Front Of Biden As Reporter Tries To Ask A ?
WASHINGTON D.C.—In an extraordinary act of bravery and heroism, a Secret Service agent dove in front of Biden to block a question from a pesky reporter.
As Biden slowly stepped out of his vehicle, a nosy reporter rudely attempted to ask him intrusive questions about things that were none of her business.
"Nooooooooooo!" said agent James Carter as the See-BS reporter raised her hand to ask a completely inappropriate question-- possibly about the Middle East, or executive orders. Carter ran up, arms outstretched, and dove through the air to shield Biden from the incoming query.
"It's like everything went into slow motion," said Agent Carter. "My training kicked in and I leapt into action. I'm just happy I was able to make a difference."
Carter took the entire force of the blow from the incoming question before collapsing to the ground.
"Hey-- lookie there, they fly now!" said Biden. "Hey there young man, would you mind not flying in front of me while I exit my vehicle? I have to get to the Oval Office in time for Matlock."
The Secret Service agent sustained minor injuries but is grateful to have saved Biden from a reporter's unwelcome question.
"Just doing my job," he said.
https://babylonbee.com/news/heroic-secret-service-agent-dives-in-front-of-biden-as-reporter-tries-to-ask-a-question
WASHINGTON D.C.—In an extraordinary act of bravery and heroism, a Secret Service agent dove in front of Biden to block a question from a pesky reporter.
As Biden slowly stepped out of his vehicle, a nosy reporter rudely attempted to ask him intrusive questions about things that were none of her business.
"Nooooooooooo!" said agent James Carter as the See-BS reporter raised her hand to ask a completely inappropriate question-- possibly about the Middle East, or executive orders. Carter ran up, arms outstretched, and dove through the air to shield Biden from the incoming query.
"It's like everything went into slow motion," said Agent Carter. "My training kicked in and I leapt into action. I'm just happy I was able to make a difference."
Carter took the entire force of the blow from the incoming question before collapsing to the ground.
"Hey-- lookie there, they fly now!" said Biden. "Hey there young man, would you mind not flying in front of me while I exit my vehicle? I have to get to the Oval Office in time for Matlock."
The Secret Service agent sustained minor injuries but is grateful to have saved Biden from a reporter's unwelcome question.
"Just doing my job," he said.
https://babylonbee.com/news/heroic-secret-service-agent-dives-in-front-of-biden-as-reporter-tries-to-ask-a-question
CDC Recommends Double-Caging Children At Border For Extra Safety
ATLANTA, GA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has been studying the situation at the Southern Border and has now issued new recommendations: double-caging for migrant children. That’s when a child is placed inside a cage and then that cage is put inside of a second, larger cage.
“According to our studies,” said CDC researcher Edmund Fisher, “double-caging increases the effectiveness of child detention by at least 25%. That’s too large a factor to ignore.”
The CDC also reiterated that the caging of children should be done both indoors and outside, with proper distancing between the cages.
Progressive groups, who had reacted with alarm to children being caged under the Trump administration, also pushed back against this CDC recommendation. “What are we, Nazi Germany?” said left-wing activist Shaun Craig. “Are we really so stingy that we are only giving children two cages? It seems like three cages would work even better and make sure those kids could never escape.”
https://babylonbee.com/news/cdc-recommends-double-caging-children-at-border-for-extra-safety
ATLANTA, GA—The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has been studying the situation at the Southern Border and has now issued new recommendations: double-caging for migrant children. That’s when a child is placed inside a cage and then that cage is put inside of a second, larger cage.
“According to our studies,” said CDC researcher Edmund Fisher, “double-caging increases the effectiveness of child detention by at least 25%. That’s too large a factor to ignore.”
The CDC also reiterated that the caging of children should be done both indoors and outside, with proper distancing between the cages.
Progressive groups, who had reacted with alarm to children being caged under the Trump administration, also pushed back against this CDC recommendation. “What are we, Nazi Germany?” said left-wing activist Shaun Craig. “Are we really so stingy that we are only giving children two cages? It seems like three cages would work even better and make sure those kids could never escape.”
https://babylonbee.com/news/cdc-recommends-double-caging-children-at-border-for-extra-safety
In New Dr. Seuss Book, Cat In The Hat Gives Kids Puberty Blockers While Their Mother Isn’t Home
NEW YORK, NY—Things have changed quite a bit in the world of Dr. Seuss, as six of his works have been pulled from publication, banned from sale on eBay, and eliminated from people’s minds using lobotomies to help fight the threat of racism. To get with the times, though, a new Dr. Seuss book has been released, called The Cat in the Hat (He/Him).
“In this new book, using reworked art from Dr. Seuss,” said a letter from Dr. Seuss’s estate, “the Cat in the Hat once again finds the two children home alone and bored. This time he diagnoses their malaise as gender dysphoria and proceeds to give the children puberty blockers.”
An excerpt from the book reads:
"I have some new drugs,"
said the cat in the hat.
"A lot of good drugs!
I'll inject them in you.
Your mother will not mind at all if I do."
The children learn a lesson in intolerance, too, as their goldfish ignorantly tries to stop them from taking the drugs, warning them of permanent side effects. The goldfish is then killed and flushed down a toilet.
Hundreds of drag queens will be deployed to libraries across the country to perform readings of the book to children.
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-approved-dr-seuss-book-has-the-cat-and-the-hat-give-kids-puberty-blockers-while-their-mother-isnt-home
NEW YORK, NY—Things have changed quite a bit in the world of Dr. Seuss, as six of his works have been pulled from publication, banned from sale on eBay, and eliminated from people’s minds using lobotomies to help fight the threat of racism. To get with the times, though, a new Dr. Seuss book has been released, called The Cat in the Hat (He/Him).
“In this new book, using reworked art from Dr. Seuss,” said a letter from Dr. Seuss’s estate, “the Cat in the Hat once again finds the two children home alone and bored. This time he diagnoses their malaise as gender dysphoria and proceeds to give the children puberty blockers.”
An excerpt from the book reads:
"I have some new drugs,"
said the cat in the hat.
"A lot of good drugs!
I'll inject them in you.
Your mother will not mind at all if I do."
The children learn a lesson in intolerance, too, as their goldfish ignorantly tries to stop them from taking the drugs, warning them of permanent side effects. The goldfish is then killed and flushed down a toilet.
Hundreds of drag queens will be deployed to libraries across the country to perform readings of the book to children.
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-approved-dr-seuss-book-has-the-cat-and-the-hat-give-kids-puberty-blockers-while-their-mother-isnt-home