It’s difficult to understand what liberals really mean. So with
that in mind, here’s a liberal translation guide that will help you
understand what liberals are really saying.
1) “Peaceful Protest” – No liberals were hurt while throwing bricks
through windows, demanding “Death to the pigs” or getting
together in large gangs to waylay small, lone counter protesters
from behind.
2) “Voter Suppression” -- Cutting into Democrat vote totals by
taking any steps to prevent voter fraud.
3) “The Constitution” – An outdated, irrelevant document that
should be ignored unless you are claiming that some liberal
agenda item is guaranteed by it despite the fact that no one
noticed it for 200 years.
4) “Fascist” -- People who want to cut spending, abide by the
Constitution and get the government off your back.
5) “We want the government out of our bedrooms” – We want the
government out of our bedrooms…right after they force the Pope
to buy us birth control and promise to support our children if we
decide not to use the IUD suggested by the Pope because, “Who
does that guy think he is, right?”
6) “Greedy” -- People who want to keep money they’ve earned
instead of giving it to people who don’t work as hard, but do vote
for Democrats.
7) “Sexism” – Disagreeing with Hillary Clinton, opposing the
abortion of female babies or being against mentally ill men being
allowed to use the bathroom with women.
8) “Radical position” – Relatively popular non-liberal positions that
have been around as long as anyone can remember -- that
liberals have recently decided to oppose almost entirely to make
themselves appear more sensitive. Example: Refusing to change
the name of the Redskins or believing you can’t change genders
via surgery is a radical position.
9) “Angry, white male” – A white guy who votes Republican.
10) “Anti-intellectual” – Those who refuse to acknowledge that
liberal college professors who couldn’t cut it outside of a university
or MSNBC are right about everything.
11) “Racist” -- Those who believe that people should be judged by
the content of their character, not the color of their skin and those
who believe in enforcing the immigration laws that are already on
the books.
12) “Climate change denier” -- Someone who actually judges
global warming based on the available scientific evidence instead
of coming up with a socialistic agenda first and then passing out
grant money to any scientists who are willing to attempt to justify
it.
13) “Bipartisanship” – When Republicans cooperate with
Democrats to push the liberal agenda. Not to be confused with
“selling out” which happens when liberals cooperate with
Republicans to push their agenda.
14) “Heartless” – Supporting programs based on whether they
work and are good for the country instead of selecting programs
to back based on how good they make you feel about yourself.
15) “Open Minded” – Mindlessly agreeing with Nancy Pelosi and
Michael Moore 100% on every issue.
16) “A Courageous Speech” -- When one liberal gives a self-congratulatory speech to another group of liberals that restates
things they all believe.
17) “The American Flag” -- A symbol of oppression waved by
ignorant, bucktoothed hillbillies dumb enough to think that this is a
great place to live.
18) “Guns” -- The cause of all crime.
19) “Jesus” -- Someone who is completely irrelevant to any and all
political matters unless you’re claiming He would definitely
support gay marriage or abortion.
20) “Hands up, don’t shoot” --The police shouldn’t be allowed to
shoot people with their hands up or people pointing toy guns at
them or people trying to kill them or pretty much anybody, for any
reason.
that in mind, here’s a liberal translation guide that will help you
understand what liberals are really saying.
1) “Peaceful Protest” – No liberals were hurt while throwing bricks
through windows, demanding “Death to the pigs” or getting
together in large gangs to waylay small, lone counter protesters
from behind.
2) “Voter Suppression” -- Cutting into Democrat vote totals by
taking any steps to prevent voter fraud.
3) “The Constitution” – An outdated, irrelevant document that
should be ignored unless you are claiming that some liberal
agenda item is guaranteed by it despite the fact that no one
noticed it for 200 years.
4) “Fascist” -- People who want to cut spending, abide by the
Constitution and get the government off your back.
5) “We want the government out of our bedrooms” – We want the
government out of our bedrooms…right after they force the Pope
to buy us birth control and promise to support our children if we
decide not to use the IUD suggested by the Pope because, “Who
does that guy think he is, right?”
6) “Greedy” -- People who want to keep money they’ve earned
instead of giving it to people who don’t work as hard, but do vote
for Democrats.
7) “Sexism” – Disagreeing with Hillary Clinton, opposing the
abortion of female babies or being against mentally ill men being
allowed to use the bathroom with women.
8) “Radical position” – Relatively popular non-liberal positions that
have been around as long as anyone can remember -- that
liberals have recently decided to oppose almost entirely to make
themselves appear more sensitive. Example: Refusing to change
the name of the Redskins or believing you can’t change genders
via surgery is a radical position.
9) “Angry, white male” – A white guy who votes Republican.
10) “Anti-intellectual” – Those who refuse to acknowledge that
liberal college professors who couldn’t cut it outside of a university
or MSNBC are right about everything.
11) “Racist” -- Those who believe that people should be judged by
the content of their character, not the color of their skin and those
who believe in enforcing the immigration laws that are already on
the books.
12) “Climate change denier” -- Someone who actually judges
global warming based on the available scientific evidence instead
of coming up with a socialistic agenda first and then passing out
grant money to any scientists who are willing to attempt to justify
it.
13) “Bipartisanship” – When Republicans cooperate with
Democrats to push the liberal agenda. Not to be confused with
“selling out” which happens when liberals cooperate with
Republicans to push their agenda.
14) “Heartless” – Supporting programs based on whether they
work and are good for the country instead of selecting programs
to back based on how good they make you feel about yourself.
15) “Open Minded” – Mindlessly agreeing with Nancy Pelosi and
Michael Moore 100% on every issue.
16) “A Courageous Speech” -- When one liberal gives a self-congratulatory speech to another group of liberals that restates
things they all believe.
17) “The American Flag” -- A symbol of oppression waved by
ignorant, bucktoothed hillbillies dumb enough to think that this is a
great place to live.
18) “Guns” -- The cause of all crime.
19) “Jesus” -- Someone who is completely irrelevant to any and all
political matters unless you’re claiming He would definitely
support gay marriage or abortion.
20) “Hands up, don’t shoot” --The police shouldn’t be allowed to
shoot people with their hands up or people pointing toy guns at
them or people trying to kill them or pretty much anybody, for any
reason.
