Legion Troll
A fine upstanding poster
Mayor de Blasio
“I was a little late tonight. I was running on ‘C-P-T,’ which stands for jokes white people should not make.”
Biden
“I love Joe Biden. I really do. I want to thank him for his friendship, his counsel, for always giving it to me straight and for not shooting anybody in the face.”
Republicans
“Just look at the confusion over the invitations to tonight’s dinner. Guests were asked to check whether they wanted steak or fish. But instead, a whole bunch of you wrote in Paul Ryan. That’s not an option, people.”
"Republicans have been saying there are things that I cannot do in my final year. Unfortunately this dinner was not one of them. But for everything else, it’s another story. And you know who you are, Republicans. I think we have Republican senators Tim Scott and Cory Gardner — which reminds me: security, bar the doors. Judge Garland, come on out! We’re going to do this right here, right now. It’s like the Red Wedding.”
Cruz
“Ted had a tough week. He went to Indiana, Hoosier country. Stood on a basketball court and called the hoop a basketball ring. What else is in his lexicon? Baseball sticks? Football hats? But sure, I’m the foreign one.”
Trump
“I am a little hurt he’s not here tonight. We had so much fun last time. And it is a surprise. We’ve got a room full of reporters, celebrities, cameras and he says no. Is this dinner too tacky for the Donald? What could he be doing instead? At home eating a Trump steak? Tweeting insults at Angela Merkel?”
“He has spent years meeting with leaders from around the world ... Miss Sweden, Miss Argentina, Miss Azerbaijan.”
Kasich
“Some candidates aren’t polling high enough to qualify for their own joke tonight.”
Bernie
“Bernie, you look like a million bucks! Or to put it in terms you’ll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27 each.”
“I am hurt, though, Bernie, that you’ve been distancing yourself from me. That’s just not something you do to your comrade.”
Hillary
“Hillary trying to appeal to young voters is like a relative signing up for Facebook.
“Dear America, did you get my poke? Is it appearing on your wall? I’m not sure I am using this right. Love, Aunt Hillary.”
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/obama-best-jokes-2016-white-house-correspondents-dinner-article-1.2620352