10 Reasons Why Ryan Lochte Is America’s Sexiest Douchebag
The first time I heard the voice, I chose to ignore it. Ryan Lochte is kind of a fratty idiot, Erin, the voice said. All the signs are right there. You're being willfully ignorant. "Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." And then we went out for appletinis. But as the Olympics progressed, as more and more montages of Ryan Lochte talking about his sneaker collection or donning a sparkling America grill in his gorgeous mouth filled my TV screen, I couldn't pretend that reality wasn't real anymore. Ryan Lochte, as drool-inducingly hot as he is both in and out of the water, is a raging, throbbing douchebag. And here's why.
10. He has a "signature exclamation."
It's not "VICTORY FOR THE FORCES OF DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM," which would walk the line between gratingly nerdy and amazing. It's not "Zoiks!" either. It's "Jeah!" Like "Yeah," but said in a way that indicates you may have difficulty pronouncing the "y" sound and could benefit from working with a professional speech therapist. The New York Times explains its origins,
He even has a catchphrase: the exhortation "jeah!" - adopted from the rapper Young Jeezy and pronounced like "yeah," but, in Mr. Lochte's case, with a surfer boy slope.
Not only is it totally lame, it's something totally lame that he didn't even make up. But that hasn't stopped Ryan from proliferating it as part of his brand as a dude who co-opts irritating things from rap videos and acts like he was just sitting in the middle of his cul de sac one day and it came to him like a neon pink lightning bolt from the sky. According to his website, he's splashed "Jeah!" over all sorts of stuff, like a pair of bright green rhinestone encrusted sneakers he designed for Speeedo.
It's only fitting that Ryan is well known for his kick, given that he designed his own pair of custom shoes for Speedo. Neon green, covered in rhinestones and complete with Ryan's signature exclamation "Jeah!", this footwear could have come from no one else.
Imagine him yelling that out when you're having sex with him. The thought is positively clit-shrinking.
The rest is linked in the title.
The first time I heard the voice, I chose to ignore it. Ryan Lochte is kind of a fratty idiot, Erin, the voice said. All the signs are right there. You're being willfully ignorant. "Shut up, brain!" I replied. "You're not the boss of me! Come on, vagina! Let's get out of here, away from the party pooper trying to ruin our fun." And then we went out for appletinis. But as the Olympics progressed, as more and more montages of Ryan Lochte talking about his sneaker collection or donning a sparkling America grill in his gorgeous mouth filled my TV screen, I couldn't pretend that reality wasn't real anymore. Ryan Lochte, as drool-inducingly hot as he is both in and out of the water, is a raging, throbbing douchebag. And here's why.
10. He has a "signature exclamation."
It's not "VICTORY FOR THE FORCES OF DEMOCRATIC FREEDOM," which would walk the line between gratingly nerdy and amazing. It's not "Zoiks!" either. It's "Jeah!" Like "Yeah," but said in a way that indicates you may have difficulty pronouncing the "y" sound and could benefit from working with a professional speech therapist. The New York Times explains its origins,
He even has a catchphrase: the exhortation "jeah!" - adopted from the rapper Young Jeezy and pronounced like "yeah," but, in Mr. Lochte's case, with a surfer boy slope.
Not only is it totally lame, it's something totally lame that he didn't even make up. But that hasn't stopped Ryan from proliferating it as part of his brand as a dude who co-opts irritating things from rap videos and acts like he was just sitting in the middle of his cul de sac one day and it came to him like a neon pink lightning bolt from the sky. According to his website, he's splashed "Jeah!" over all sorts of stuff, like a pair of bright green rhinestone encrusted sneakers he designed for Speeedo.
It's only fitting that Ryan is well known for his kick, given that he designed his own pair of custom shoes for Speedo. Neon green, covered in rhinestones and complete with Ryan's signature exclamation "Jeah!", this footwear could have come from no one else.
Imagine him yelling that out when you're having sex with him. The thought is positively clit-shrinking.
The rest is linked in the title.
