Polar Vortex Causes Hundreds of Injuries as People Making Snide Remarks About Climate

F

FUCK THE POLICE

911 EVERY DAY
January 6, 2014
[h=1]Polar Vortex Causes Hundreds of Injuries as People Making Snide Remarks About Climate Change Are Punched in Face[/h]
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MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—The so-called polar vortex caused hundreds of injuries across the Midwest today, as people who said “so much for global warming” and similar comments were punched in the face.
Authorities in several states said that residents who had made ignorant comments erroneously citing the brutally cold temperatures as proof that climate change did not exist were reporting a sharp increase in injuries to the face and head regions.
In an emergency room in St. Paul, Harland Dorrinson, forty-one, was waiting to be treated for bruising to the facial area after he made a crack about how the below-freezing temperatures meant that climate-change activists were full of shit.
“I’d just finished saying it and boom, out of nowhere someone punched me in the face,” he said. “This polar vortex is really dangerous.”
The meteorology professor Davis Logsdon, of the University of Minnesota, issued a safety warning to residents of the states hammered by the historic low temperatures: “If you are living within the range of the polar vortex and you have something idiotic to say about climate change, do not leave your house.”
 
Man, when did the winter states become such pussies? I remember winters like this when I was a kid. And they were even worse when my dad was young.
 
part of snowdays is timing. you need it like right around an hour before the the school busses start going, or you need it close to the end of the day where it makes it really hard to get kids home. If the snow comes at like 1am-5am then you'll be screwed. Same thing if it's from like 8am-12pm
 
my town when I was a kid basically was the only one open when all the other towns around us were closed. fucking pissed me off O_O
 
Doppelganger said:
amount of snow needed to cancel school on average across the U.S.:


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Snow is a once a decade event here. We don't have the infrastructure to deal with it, and even if we could and were just pussies, it's still just like 1 off day in your lifetime if you're lucky. If the north practiced a simialar policy, you would just have to shut down the schools for most of winter, civilization would collapse and the area would depopulate. Better to keep them open even if a few die.

The only major source of school closures for us where I live was hurricanes. And no one prays for the hurricanes to close the schools, because it also likely means a week without power that you have to spend clearing your yard of a thick mat of debris and felled trees. After Katrina, I spent almost a month without power. Have you ever spent a month without electricity, in the heat of the Mississippi summer? It sucks.
 
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Tyrion the Imp said:
Snow is a once a decade event here. We don't have the infrastructure to deal with it, and even if we could and were just pussies, it's still just like 1 off day in your lifetime if you're lucky. If the north practiced a simialar policy, you would just have to shut down the schools for most of winter, civilization would collapse and the area would depopulate. Better to keep them open even if a few die.
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WA are a bunch of pussies as well. I remember the first winter after I moved out there, been there a few months. 3rd grade. Grass was still poking up out of the snow, my mom didn't even bother to check if school would be closed because there was basically no snow on the ground. My friend knocks on the door with his sled and hand and I'm like . ."dude.. wtf?" I was blown away that they closed school, but I wasn't complaining :)

WA doesn't salt the roads cause of the salmon. Also there are a lot of hills and shit. It would be a disaster where I lived every minor snowfall.

The only major source of school closures for us where I live was hurricanes. And no one prays for the hurricanes to close the schools, because it also likely means a week without power that you have to spend clearing your yard of a thick mat of debris and felled trees. After Katrina, I spent almost a month without power. Have you ever spent a month without electricity, in the heat of the Mississippi summer? It sucks.
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I always, always, always loved power outages. My family and I would basically go out to restaurants and movies every night during them. Then we would play flashlight tag, or play boardgames with a bunch of candles. Was awesome. As for all the sticks and shit on the ground (WA got major windstorms)..... it was bonfire time. We would seriously just go pyro on everything, it was a frenzy.

But yeah, MS in summer with no A.C., that would blow.
 
Doppelganger said:
I always, always, always loved power outages. My family and I would basically go out to restaurants and movies every night during them. Then we would play flashlight tag, or play boardgames with a bunch of candles. Was awesome. As for all the sticks and shit on the ground (WA got major windstorms)..... it was bonfire time. We would seriously just go pyro on everything, it was a frenzy.

But yeah, MS in summer with no A.C., that would blow.
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Yeah, the roads are also largely impassable, and gas is a precious resource.
 
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