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Damocles

Damocles

Accedo!
Staff member
So, I was at the local bar when in walks somebody who obviously doesn't fit in. He's wearing a business suit, and doesn't have horse sh*t on his boots, in fact he isn't wearing boots.

So he sits at the bar and orders a drink, when up comes Obama on the bar television. He looks up at the television, sees Obama and says, "Horse's ass!"

A couple seats down from me a local says, "Y'all need to watch what you are saying, you're like to just get your ass kicked!"

So he just looks at the guy, a puzzled look on his face, turns away and goes on watching the television and up comes Michelle Obama. He again says, "Horse's ass!"

Well the dude a couples seats down is pissed now, he goes over and pretty much stomps the dude into submission then calmly walks back to his seat to finish his beer.

The guy pulls himself up, spits out a tooth and says, "Damn! You wouldn't figure that this is Obama country!"

So, I just had to tell him... "Dumbass! This isn't Obama country.... "
"It's horse country!"
 
OK Damo, try this one. Two Elephants are sitting in a hot tub when one elephant farts. The other elephant observes the fluff bubbles and says with a look of disgust to the elephant who farted "Hey, those were my potato chips!"
 
OK, let's have a contest. The winner will be judged by Grind (Cause he's warped and can also give Rep Points.). The object is to create a joke using Damo, Sheep and a plate of spaghetti. Winner is decided by Grind and get's either rep points or Darla never talks to them again for being a mysogenistic asshole.
 
Mottleydude said:
OK, let's have a contest. The winner will be judged by Grind (Cause he's warped and can also give Rep Points.). The object is to create a joke using Damo, Sheep and a plate of spaghetti. Winner is decided by Grind and get's either rep points or Darla never talks to them again for being a mysogenistic asshole.
Click to expand...

Damo and a sheep were having an Italian dinner and the sheep looked up, from it's plate of spaghetti, and said "You know I really appreciate this; because the other shepards just fuck me and throw me back in with the rest of the flock".
 
Here's my first try. When Damo was a little boy the mail man came knocking on the door one day. Damo opened the door and say's "Yea mister, whaddya want.". The mailman say's "Well son, I'm looking for your mom, I have a certified letter I need her to sign." Damo say's "Come on in, she's upstairs in the bedroom. The mailman dutifully goes upstairs where he finds Damo's mom in bed with a small heard of sheep having an orgy. The mailman, shocked beyond belief comes back downstairs where he finds Damo in the kitchen eating a plate of spaghetti. The mailman say's to Damo "Son I saw what was going on upstairs and that's just absolutely depraved, sick and disgusting. Doesn't it bother you?" Damo say's "Naaaaaaaaaaa"
 
Dam and Mottleydude have taken jobs as shepherds and are flying the herd to a new pasture. While they were enjoying their inflight meal of spaghetti they hear the engines sputter and die. The pilot comes running buy wearing a parachute and jumps out of the plane.

Damo asks "What do we do?"
Mottleydude answers "Grab a parachute and we bail out"
Damo asks "What about the sheep?"
Mottleydude shakes his head "Fuck the sheep!"
Damo thinks for a minute and asks "Do you think we have time?"
 
An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand, walks into a small village and sees Dam sitting on his porch patting his dog and eating spaghetti. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "G'day Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Damo: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right"
Damo: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Damo: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Damo: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Damo: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Damo: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Damo: "That sheep's a damn liar"
 
Damo and a sheep walk into a resturant and Damo orders a plate of spaghetti, for the sheep.
The waiter looks at him and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"
 
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