Science Humour

C

cancel2 2022

Canceled
[FONT=&quot]Q. Why do they call He, Cm, and Ba the 'medical elements'? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
A. Because, if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
 
Aoxomoxoa said:
[FONT="]Q. Why do they call He, Cm, and Ba the 'medical elements'? [/FONT][FONT="][/FONT]
A. Because, if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Click to expand...

What is Pi r squared?
Pi is not square.
Pi is round.
Cake is square.

It's not the fall that kills you.
It's the sudden stop at the end.

How do you catch a polar bear?
You dig a hole in the ice and scatter pieces of a donkey around the hole.
When the bear comes up, to eat the pieces of donkey, you kick him in the ass hole.
 
An Ion bumps into his good friend Atom and tells him. I'm afraid I've lost an electron. Atom asks "Are you sure". Ion says "I'm positive."

A nuetron walks into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender gives it to him and the neutraon asks how much it will cost. The bartender says "For you...no charge."

What does a subatomic duck say? "quark"

One of the most interesting books on science I ever read was on anti-gravity. I couldn't put it down.

Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.

When I was in grade school a teacher asked us to show her an example of chemistry. So I put a tooth in a beaker of water. She said "What's this?" I said "It's a one molar solution."

Why did the mathematician divide sin by tan? Just cos.

Two chemist walks into a bar. The first chemicst asks for some H2O. The Second chemist ask for some H2O too. The second chemist dies.

I once threw an infectious disease out of a party I had. He said I was a poor host.

There are 10 kinds of people on this planet. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
 
Mott the Hoople said:
An Ion bumps into his good friend Atom and tells him. I'm afraid I've lost an electron. Atom asks "Are you sure". Ion says "I'm positive."

A nuetron walks into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender gives it to him and the neutraon asks how much it will cost. The bartender says "For you...no charge."

What does a subatomic duck say? "quark"

One of the most interesting books on science I ever read was on anti-gravity. I couldn't put it down.

Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.

When I was in grade school a teacher asked us to show her an example of chemistry. So I put a tooth in a beaker of water. She said "What's this?" I said "It's a one molar solution."

Why did the mathematician divide sin by tan? Just cos.

Two chemist walks into a bar. The first chemicst asks for some H2O. The Second chemist ask for some H2O too. The second chemist dies.

I once threw an infectious disease out of a party I had. He said I was a poor host.

There are 10 kinds of people on this planet. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Click to expand...

At least that was good for a couple laughs.

Take note Tom; some of what Mott posted above is actually funny.
 
Mott the Hoople said:
An Ion bumps into his good friend Atom and tells him. I'm afraid I've lost an electron. Atom asks "Are you sure". Ion says "I'm positive."

A nuetron walks into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender gives it to him and the neutraon asks how much it will cost. The bartender says "For you...no charge."

What does a subatomic duck say? "quark"

One of the most interesting books on science I ever read was on anti-gravity. I couldn't put it down.

Why did the bear dissolve in water? It was polar.

When I was in grade school a teacher asked us to show her an example of chemistry. So I put a tooth in a beaker of water. She said "What's this?" I said "It's a one molar solution."

Why did the mathematician divide sin by tan? Just cos.

Two chemist walks into a bar. The first chemistt asks for some H2O. The Second chemist ask for some H2O too. The second chemist dies.

I once threw an infectious disease out of a party I had. He said I was a poor host.

There are 10 kinds of people on this planet. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
Click to expand...

I highlighted the ones I liked.
 
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO[SUB]3[/SUB]

How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.

What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking? In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon
 
The sin by tan joke would be better if you divided the sine by the tangent to get the cosine... but you don't. The adjacent by the hypotenuse is what gives you a cosine.... (The first rule of engineering is that nobody can ruin a math joke like somebody who can do the math.)

Ask my old Native American friend Chief Sohcahtoa.... (SOH - Sine = Opposite/Hypotenuse) (CAH - Cosine = Adjacent/Hypotenuse) (TOA - Tangent = Opposite/Adjacent)...

Im-Not-Nerd-im-Just-Smarter-Than-You_original.jpg
 
Damocles said:
The sin by tan joke would be better if you divided the sine by the tangent to get the cosine... but you don't. The adjacent by the hypotenuse is what gives you a cosine.... (The first rule of engineering is that nobody can ruin a math joke like somebody who can do the math.)

Ask my old Native American friend Chief Sohcahtoa.... (SOH - Sine = Opposite/Hypotenuse) (CAH - Cosine = Adjacent/Hypotenuse) (TOA - Tangent = Opposite/Adjacent)...

Im-Not-Nerd-im-Just-Smarter-Than-You_original.jpg
Click to expand...
HaHaHa! Good One Damo. Sohcahtoa! LOL
 
Aoxomoxoa said:
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO[SUB]3[/SUB]

How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.

What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking? In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon
Click to expand...
I may be the only one here who gets the first joke Tom....but I like it. :-)
 
A derelict walks into a bar, drops his pants and shits on the floor. Then pulls his pants up and walks out. The Bartender is standing there just stunned when a blowfly walks in. The blowfly looks at the mess on the floor turns to the bartender and asks "Is this stool taken?"
 
Let's see if Damo can ruin this one.

At a party of functions "X" is at the bar looking despondent. The bartender says to him "Why don't you go integrate?" "X" says "It wouldn't make any difference."
 
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I was at the lawn and garden center at Wallmart the other day. I asked the clerk there if they had any 3-phosphoshikimate-carboxyvinyl transferase? The clerk gave me a funny look and asked "Did you mean Roundup?". I said "Yea...I never can remember that darned name!"
 
Mott the Hoople said:
I was at the lawn and garden center at Wallmart the other day. I asked the clerk there if they had any 3-phosphoshikimate-carboxyvinyl transferase? The clerk gave me a funny look and asked "Did you mean Roundup?". I said "Yea...I never can remember that darned name!"
Click to expand...

Hate to be pedantic but Roundup is glycine phosphonate aka N-phosphonomethylglycine.
 
Aoxomoxoa said:
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO[SUB]3[/SUB]

How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocado's number.

What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking? In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon
Click to expand...

The first one could be funny. But calling it a "Chemistry Hotel" makes it too obvious, there's no hotels that I know of that cater only to Chemists. Mott would be there all the time, pretending to be a cool nerd and introducing scientists to his sheep.
 
Damocles said:
The first one could be funny. But calling it a "Chemistry Hotel" makes it too obvious, there's no hotels that I know of that cater only to Chemists. Mott would be there all the time, pretending to be a cool nerd and introducing scientists to his sheep.
Click to expand...

Don't give up the day job.
 
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