Scottish Hospital

C

cancel2 2022

Canceled
An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital.

At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:

Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm.


The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:

Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.


This continues with the next patient:

Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"


"Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns unit."

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Havana Moon said:
An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital.

At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims:

Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain e' the puddin' race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
painch tripe or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o' a grace
as lang's my arm.


The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, and immediately the patient launches into:

Some hae meat, and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.


This continues with the next patient:

Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering brattle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle!"


"Well," the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, "I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last."

"Nay, nay," the Scottish doctor corrected him, "this is the Serious Burns unit."

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Click to expand...

That was good!
 
http://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poetry/poems/cuddle-doon



Cuddle Doon
Poem
The bairnies cuddle doon at nicht
Wi muckle faught and din.
"Oh try an' sleep, ye waukrife rogues,
Your faither's comin' in."
They niver heed a word I speak,
I try tae gie a froon,
But aye I hap' them up an' cry
"Oh, bairnies, cuddle doon!"

Wee Jamie wi' the curly heid,
He aye sleeps next the wa'
Bangs up and cries, "I want a piece!"
The rascal starts them a'.
I rin and fetch them pieces, drinks,
They stop a wee the soun',
Then draw the blankets up an' cry,
"Noo, weanies, cuddle doon."

But ere five minutes gang, wee Rab
Cries oot frae neath the claes,
"Mither, mak' Tam gie ower at aince,
He's kittlin' wi' his taes."
The mischief in that Tam for tricks,
He'd bother half the toon,
But aye I hap them up an' cry,
"Oh, bairnies, cuddle doon!"

At length they hear their faither's fit
An' as he steeks the door,
They turn their faces tae the wa'
An Tam pretends tae snore.
"Hae a' the weans been gude?" he asks,
As he pits aff his shoon.
"The bairnies, John, are in their beds
An' lang since cuddled doon!"

An' just afore we bed oorsel's
We look at oor wee lambs,
Tam has his airm roun' wee Rab's neck
An Rab his airm roun' Tam's.
I lift wee Jamie up the bed
An' as I straik each croon,
I whisper till my heart fills up:
"Oh, bairnies, cuddle doon!"

The bairnies cuddle doon at nicht
Wi' mirth that's dear tae me.
But soon the big warl's cark an' care
Will quaten doon their glee.
Yet come what will to ilka ane,
May He who rules aboon,
Aye whisper, though their pows be bald:
"Oh, bairnies, cuddle doon!"
Alexander Anderson
 
Havana Moon said:
I suspect that I don't care, it's not for Septics.
Click to expand...

In case it escaped you, I do care, and this is a US-based political discussion forum mainly frequented by Americans. Know your audience.

BTW, "septic" is predominantly Australian slang in my experience. Do they call you "Tom the Pom" down under?
 
God bless America said:
In case it escaped you, I do care, and this is a US-based political discussion forum mainly frequented by Americans. Know your audience.

BTW, "septic" is predominantly Australian slang in my experience. Do they call you "Tom the Pom" down under?
Click to expand...
Septic is pretty widely known in England, trust me. Anyway there's plenty of Americans with Celtic backgrounds.

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Havana Moon said:
Septic is pretty widely known in England, trust me. Anyway there's plenty of Americans with Celtic backgrounds.
Click to expand...

Having a Celtic background does not equate to having a familiarity with Burns, Tom. That's the kind of assumption I'd expect from an identity politics drone, not yourself.

That said, the joke was mildly amusing.
 
God bless America said:
Having a Celtic background does not equate to having a familiarity with Burns, Tom. That's the kind of assumption I'd expect from an identity politics drone, not yourself.

That said, the joke was mildly amusing.
Click to expand...
Oh well, I will have to make do with that then!

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God bless America said:
BTW, "septic" is predominantly Australian slang in my experience. Do they call you "Tom the Pom" down under?
Click to expand...

"Septic" was Cockney rhyming slang before it reached Australia.

BTW,
Wha hae a fiere wi' tassie gowd
Maun gan' tae Auchtermuchty?
O wad a body drammies fu'
An' sleekit gowrie!

Geez, you should see the red underlining!
 
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