The United States has the lowest taxes and smallest government of any industrial nation (as a percent of Gross Domestic Product). After years of huge tax cuts for wealthy elites and corporations, government at all levels is struggling to meet public needs.
Nevertheless, with services being slashed, infra-structure crumbling and deficits soaring, demands continue for smaller government and lower taxes. A key player in this process is arch-libertarian Grover Norquist—the most powerful man you never heard of in Washington. He runs the well-funded Americans for Tax Reform, and his goal is to shrink government to the point "you can drown it in a bathtub." Norquist's ideal citizen is "the self-employed, home schooling, IRA-owning guy with a concealed-carry permit because that per-son doesn't need the goddamn government for any-thing.'" Norquist has made a living of bashing anything with the word "public" attached, and his message heavily influences the Bush administration and resonates with many anti-government Americans.
Democracy For $ale: Libertarian Paradise DR. JACK MILLER / Monitor Winter 2004-05 20feb2005
Well, I've done some research and have great news for Grover and his followers. I actually found a place where the government has already been "drowned in a bathtub—"a tax-free paradise awaiting any libertarian who cares to travel a little: Somalia! That's right! Located in picturesque East Africa, caressed by the warm waters of the Indian Ocean, Somalia has no functioning government, so there's no one to steal your hard-earned dollars.
Well, almost no one—since there are no police, the warlords sort of call the shots (no pun intended). They may demand some tribute, but it's not like wasting your money on police protection, garbage collection, sidewalks, schools, libraries, clean water, etc. Think about it: by paying tribute you're getting something really personal in return—your life! Don't despair—if the war-lord even leaves you fifty bucks, you'll still be a Somali millionaire. According to the CIA, "The absence of central government authority, as well as profiteering from counterfeiting, has rapidly debased Somalia's currency" to where one U.S. dollar now buys 30,000 Somali shillings!"
Also, if you arrive by sea, be careful. Somalia has no tax-supported Coast Guard, so our State Department advises that there are real live pirates who keep a sharp lookout for over-upholstered, spoiled libertarians (like Grover) to snatch for ransom. At the risk of seeming wimpy, you might want to check the "Weekly Piracy Report" on the International Chamber of Commerce's web site before sailing."'
Arrhh, matey, if you are kidnapped, the closest U.S. Embassy is in Nairobi, Kenya! But who cares? Since embassies are another symptom of bloated tax-hungry governments, self-respecting libertarians will gladly walk the plank before submitting to any such official meddling. That may not become a problem, anyway, because you can hit the beach heavily armed (remember, no gun laws). In fact, no laws at all! No patronizing, nosey officials to keep you from doing absolutely anything you want to do.
With no public health system or sanitation in Somalia, malaria, tuberculosis, tetanus and leprosy may become a problem for even the tidiest libertarian. Try to limit your contact with the waterways; no wading or swimming is suggested, but of course, not ordered. The inland waters are a veritable toxic brew of microbes, which cause cholera, hepatitis, typhoid, dysentery, and several other ailments not routinely found in brutally high-tax areas. Don't despair, there is good news! According to our tax-supported Centers for Disease Control, at least one pesky parasite, the blood fluke, dislikes salt water and only bores through tender, libertarian skin exposed to fresh water in'and. Whew! That means the warm waters of the Indian Ocean off Somalia are blood fluke-free—so enjoy!
While frolicking in the Indian Ocean there is one minor concern: Since Somalia has no tax-supported Navy to patrol its shoreline, foreign ships routinely dump highly toxic waste into the coastal waters. According to the BBC, a massive fish kill a couple years ago was caused by nuclear waste freely off-loaded into Somalia's territorial waters. Well, a quick dip shouldn't hurt—a slight bodily glow at worst. Most of the locals don't have to worry very long about such inconveniences since the average person only lives 46 years.
Remember to take along a powerful radio since the public telecommunications system was completely destroyed during the last civil war. If another freedom lover, say a bandit, liberates your powerful radio, you can currently make international connections from the capitol, Mogadishu, by satellite.
When you visit Mogadishu to send your message, plan on doing some walking. According to the UN, "No car, no bus, no heavily armed jeep can make its way through this Mogadishu road block: only goats and pedestrians attempt to climb the huge mound of rubbish—a solid mass.'"
Highway travel is possible elsewhere. The country's principle highway is a 700-mile two-lane paved road from Chisimayu to Hargeysa. Don't worry about getting stuck at a railroad crossing since there are no railroads in Somalia. Drive on whatever side of the road suits your mood! Hey, pedal to the metal, but keep yourfingers crossed because the northern segment of the highway still needs to be cleared of land mines. Links to neighboring countries are mostly dirt trails and tend to be impassable in rainy weather.
So there you are: a country about the size of Texas where you can roam free. Free from the Nanny-State, un-mined highways, laws, police, paramedics, telephones, museums, schools, clean water, libraries, hospitals, sanitation, old-age and most of all—free from taxes! Bon voyage, you lucky libertarians, and don't for-get to write. Oops! I forgot—there are no post offices there, either.
