Sumerians Look On In Confusion As Christian God Creates World

FUCK THE POLICE

911 EVERY DAY
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sumerians_look_on_in_confusion_as

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As Christian God Creates World

December 15, 2009 * Issue 45•51
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Lord God, Creator of All, caught thousands of Sumerian farmers and mathematicians somewhat off guard.



Members of the earth's earliest known civilization, the Sumerians, looked on in shock and confusion some 6,000 years ago as God, the Lord Almighty, created Heaven and Earth.


According to recently excavated clay tablets inscribed with cuneiform script, thousands of Sumerians—the first humans to establish systems of writing, agriculture, and government—were working on their sophisticated irrigation systems when the Father of All Creation reached down from the ether and blew the divine spirit of life into their thriving civilization.

"I do not understand," reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. "A booming voice is saying, 'Let there be light,' but there is already light. It is saying, 'Let the earth bring forth grass,' but I am already standing on grass."

"Everything is here already," the pictograph continues. "We do not need more stars."

Historians believe that, immediately following the biblical event, Sumerian witnesses returned to the city of Eridu, a bustling metropolis built 1,500 years before God called for the appearance of dry land, to discuss the new development. According to records, Sumerian farmers, priests, and civic administrators were not only befuddled, but also took issue with the face of God moving across the water, saying that He scared away those who were traveling to Mesopotamia to participate in their vast and intricate trade system.

Moreover, the Sumerians were taken aback by the creation of the same animals and herb-yielding seeds that they had been domesticating and cultivating for hundreds of generations.

"The Sumerian people must have found God's making of heaven and earth in the middle of their well-established society to be more of an annoyance than anything else," said Paul Helund, ancient history professor at Cornell University. "If what the pictographs indicate are true, His loud voice interrupted their ancient prayer rituals for an entire week."

According to the cuneiform tablets, Sumerians found God's most puzzling act to be the creation from dust of the first two human beings.

"These two people made in his image do not know how to communicate, lack skills in both mathematics and farming, and have the intellectual capacity of an infant," one Sumerian philosopher wrote. "They must be the creation of a complete idiot."
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I like this one better:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/dinosaurs_sadly_extinct_before

Dinosaurs Sadly Extinct Before Invention Of Bazooka

More than 65 million years ago, a cataclysmic event drove a majority of the Earth's species into extinction, and tragically, wiped out the last of the dinosaurs long before bazookas could be invented and used on them.

According to Ernest Diffey, a fossil archivist at the American Museum of Natural History, a giant asteroid struck the earth in the late Cretaceous period, forever robbing scientists of valuable data concerning the effects powerful rocket launchers might have had on the largest land animals that ever lived.

"Over the years, we've learned a great deal about their physiology, their dietary habits, and even their migratory patterns," Diffey said. "Unfortunately, however, nothing in the fossil record can reveal what it would be like to blow apart the massive front leg of a charging diplodocus and then watch it crash violently to the ground, sending a spray of dirt and dinosaur blood several stories into the air."

"There are so many questions that must remain unanswered," Diffey added. "Like what kind of blood-curdling shriek a pterodactyl would have made after being blasted out of the sky with an M20A1 Super Bazooka. It's truly a shame."

More at link...
 
fyi.....if you think you're being unique or first in line to mock GOD.....

you're not

its been going on a long, long, long time....
 
fyi.....if you think you're being unique or first in line to mock GOD.....

you're not

its been going on a long, long, long time....

And believing in "GOD" has been going on a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time. What's your point? I'm just inciting ancient wisdom!
 
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