Shhhh, he thinks he’s on a roll
When I was going through Uni, I worked as a penciller for a big Brisbane bookie on the track. That was- back in the days when Bookies still literally used a large book (with ruled, 2 foot x 3 foot pages in it) - to record their wagers and possible losses/profit foreach race. My job was to "write the book": i.e. to make an accurate running record of the total amount of money placed on each horse and calculate the total amount the bookie would have to pay his punter if each of the horse in the field , happened to win the race or ran a "place" - (i.e. came home second or third) at the odds the bookie was offering at the time the punters had placed their bets.
American youngsters (say, aged: 18-35) could not do this today, because to be a "penciler" for a bookie meant your you had to perform lots of "messy", mental arithmetic at lightening speed, and your calculations had to be 100% correct, 100% of the time. If you fucked up any figures in the "book" and they had ended up costing your bookie money on a race, he'd tear you a "new one" (and trust me, hearing a working class Australian bookmaker spraying a torrent of extreme profanity in your face was a very ugly experience). If you screwed up the book
again, and it cost your bookie any substantial amount of cash, you be fired after the last race.
Today ,in American public (K-12) youngsters are not given a solid grounding in the 3Rs ("Reading and Eighting and Rithmetic") In fact, if I gave a young adult in the US an opportunity to demonstrate their grasp of the kind of elementary school mathematics that I was required to master when I was a child, here's what would likely happen...
(ME) Hey Dude, wanna test your skills?
(DUDE) Yeah, OK man, what's the game?
(ME) Elementary school math.
(DUDE) Tell me more...
(ME) If you can work out the answer to a basic math problem using mental arithmetic I'll give you this $ 100 bucks (shows the Dude a crisp Benjamin) . But If you accept the challenge and fail, then you'll have to pay for my next session at the "MyThai" - "Rub and Tug" Massage Parlour in the city..
(DUDE) "Mmmmm, give me a second ...(thinks quietly) ....You'd only be having a standard "Happy Ending" at "MyThai."Right? I mean, I wouldn't be up for any exotic
specialty services, I take it ? No "Golden Showers" or "Ass hole Licking" or anything like that."Right ?
(ME) That's right; just one, standard, half - hour, "Rub and Tug" massage.
(DUDE) OK, then, I guess you got yourself a deal. But in all fairness, I must warn you that I have a Phd from Princeton.
(ME) What Department at Princeton did you study in ?
(DUDE) The Department of Social Sciences / Gender Studies.
(ME) OK, that's not a problem. The challenge is a test of basic, mental arithmetic- it's got nothing to do with the social sciences.
(DUDE) OK then, I'm in. Fire away, brother, let me have it !
(ME) OK, here it is....If Mr Smith placed a $55 dollars bet on a race horse called ,
Pharlap, to win the race he'll be running in, and the bookie gave him "9 to 4" odds, how much money will Mr Smith make if
Pharlap wins his race?
(DUDE) What does "9 to 4 odds" mean ?
(ME ) "9 to 4 odds" means that for every $4 dollars you wager on the horse, you will be receive $9 in winnings if the horse wins the race
.
(DUDE) OK, $55 and $9 for every $4 in that. I got it; "too easy, lemon squeezie" ! Just give me a couple of seconds. (The DUDE pulls an "iPhone 15" out of the pocket of his jeans and starts to tap its screen).
(ME) Uh -Uh-Arrh ! Not so fast, brother. Remember I said this was a MENTAL ARITHMETIC test? That means you have to work iout the answer in your head. You don't get to google the solution on the internet.
(DUDE) WTF ?! You must be fucking joking , man. ! No one could work out that kind of crazy shit in their head; not even Elon Musk or Alfred Einstoon.
(ME) So, you're telling me you can't solve the problem.
(DUDE) That's right; at least II can't work out the answer
in my head - nobody could . It's way too hard !! Only those freaky Egg Heads with IQs of 200 or so could work out stuff like that in their heads !! I mean you probably have to know all about weird things like "fractions"!
(ME ) But surely you had to practice mental arithmetic in your math classes at elementary school, dude?
(DUDE) The only arithmetic I got taught in school was "2 + 2 = 5"
(ME) That's not arithmetic, dude, that's Woke bullshit.
(DUDE) WHATEVER ! Anyway, I guess I owe you the cost of a half hour session at that Thai "Rub and Tug" How much am I up for ?
(ME) Armm, let me see. ...I think $125 should cover it.
The DUDE shakes his head slowly in disbelief as he pulls the cash bills from his wallet and hands to ME. Then he says...
(DUDE) Is THAT what a basic "Rub 'n' Tug" costs now ? Man, that's a "rip off", if you ask me. Wasn't that long ago $125 would buy you a full service in most joints round here. "Pinky's Palace" up on the Northside used to offer quick, ten - minute,
"Blow -'n'-Go" pokes fot $25 every week-end for $25.
(ME) It think BIDENFLATION has caused a lot of the prices to go up, that's why I can only usually aford a basic massage with a "Happy Ending". I go to MyThai's "Rub 'n' Tug" because I have a regular girl who throws in a free fettish for me.
(DUDE) What's that ?
(ME) She let's me give her mental arithmetic problems to solve ((along with a few basic quadratic equations and stuff like that) while she massaging me. Her name's MEELING CHOKEE CHICCUN, and like many Asians, she has a high IQ and a natural talent for maths and science. So during my massages I say: "Minnie: 5/6 + 4/3 ? And she tells me the answer; then, "MINNIE 1/2 X7/8 ?" and so. I find it turn me sexually. So I guess I have a mental arithmetic fetttish. I save the hardest problems for the "Tug" phase of the massage, like "MINNIE: Divide 450 in the ratio 3:5:8, and as climactic second just before I "pop my cork" I typically give her a meaty quadratic equation to solve. "MINNIE (I cry) 6 -X
squared minus Seven X plus Twelve equals zero....Soooolve for X 11
Dachshund Dawg
Dachshind the Loyal TRUMPER Hound !!
