Today, I read an article with the same title as this thread and found it to be pretty moving. I suspect part of the reason is that I haven't had a girlfriend for most of my 48 years of being on this earth and so I can certainly relate with people who haven't had many if any heterosexual romantic relationships due to not being able to find someone you 'match' with.
For anyone who doesn't know, incel stands for "involuntarily celibate". Wikipedia has a long article on it here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel
Here's a bit from Wikipedia's page on Incels:
**
History
The first website to use the term "incel" was founded sometime between 1993 and 1997.[30][9][31] The website was created by a university student living in Toronto and known only by her first name, Alana, to discuss her sexual inactivity with others.[30] Titled "Alana's Involuntary Celibacy Project", the website was used by people of all genders to share their thoughts and experiences.[9] During 1997, she started a mailing list on the topic that used the abbreviation INVCEL, later shortened to "incel", for "anybody of any gender who was lonely, had never had sex or who hadn't had a relationship in a long time".[32] During her college years and after, Alana realized she was bisexual and became more comfortable with her identity.[31] She stopped participating in her online project around 2000 and gave the site to a stranger.[33][34] In 2018, Alana said of her project: "It definitely wasn't a bunch of guys blaming women for their problems. That's a pretty sad version of this phenomenon that's happening today. Things have changed in the last 20 years".[32] When she read about the 2014 Isla Vista killings, and that parts of the incel subculture glorified the perpetrator, she wrote: "Like a scientist who invented something that ended up being a weapon of war, I can't uninvent this word, nor restrict it to the nicer people who need it".[35][31] She expressed regret at the change in usage from her original intent of creating an "inclusive community" for people of all genders who were sexually deprived due to social awkwardness, marginalization, or mental illness.[28]
**
Anyway, this is all just background for the article that shares the title of this thread. Because the article isn't about incels, which has basically become almost exclusively about men who can't find romantic partners, but rather of women who can't find romantic partners. Quoting a bit from that article:
**
You may have already forgotten, but 2022 is supposed to be the year of the femcel. In case you have forgotten or never knew, a femcel is the female counterpart to an “incel”, or involuntarily celibate male, a woman who can’t find a partner because she is (again, supposedly) too ugly and/or weird. These women had to form their own team because they weren’t welcome in the largely online gatherings of deeply aggrieved guys who (I suppose) couldn’t accept their shy female counterparts because: 1) they are really pissed at/estranged from women generally, 2) incel sites are places where men can vent about women with mind-crushing hostility, which could be awkward if they were co-ed, and 3) incels mostly don’t believe it’s even possible that a female can’t get sex if she wants it.
[snip]
It may be true what incels say, that if femcels “lowered their standards” (that is, if they would have sex with anyone), they could. But I think this is probably true of young men as well: that they, too, could have sex if they would accept literally anyone. But surprise: just about no one of any gender wants to have sex with literally anyone.
[snip]
Another story: a homely young woman used to work as a cashier at a grocery store where I live. She wasn’t ugly, but very plain and somehow too matronly for her age; she had an aura of hurt and hopeless loneliness about her. She never smiled. She barely spoke. She made minimal eye contact. For years, every time I saw her she was the same. I felt sad for her.
Then one day I went in with my face covered in red pustules. It was a disfiguring skin infection called folliculitis and I had it for about a week before I could see a doctor. The only upside about it was watching how people reacted to it. Most people averted their eyes; one actually gawked. But this sad young woman had a reaction that I still clearly recall, even though it was almost two decades ago. She was the only person to meet my eyes with a look of pure compassion.
It was very brief, but unmistakable; I felt her kindness directly in my heart. This lonely, plainly unhappy woman had the most loving response of anyone. I felt more than sad for her. I felt sad for the world. This woman had a reserve of goodness and care that is needed by so many people. And it wasn’t being tapped. What a waste of a precious resource. What a waste.
**
The year of the femcel | unherd.com
For anyone who doesn't know, incel stands for "involuntarily celibate". Wikipedia has a long article on it here:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel
Here's a bit from Wikipedia's page on Incels:
**
History
The first website to use the term "incel" was founded sometime between 1993 and 1997.[30][9][31] The website was created by a university student living in Toronto and known only by her first name, Alana, to discuss her sexual inactivity with others.[30] Titled "Alana's Involuntary Celibacy Project", the website was used by people of all genders to share their thoughts and experiences.[9] During 1997, she started a mailing list on the topic that used the abbreviation INVCEL, later shortened to "incel", for "anybody of any gender who was lonely, had never had sex or who hadn't had a relationship in a long time".[32] During her college years and after, Alana realized she was bisexual and became more comfortable with her identity.[31] She stopped participating in her online project around 2000 and gave the site to a stranger.[33][34] In 2018, Alana said of her project: "It definitely wasn't a bunch of guys blaming women for their problems. That's a pretty sad version of this phenomenon that's happening today. Things have changed in the last 20 years".[32] When she read about the 2014 Isla Vista killings, and that parts of the incel subculture glorified the perpetrator, she wrote: "Like a scientist who invented something that ended up being a weapon of war, I can't uninvent this word, nor restrict it to the nicer people who need it".[35][31] She expressed regret at the change in usage from her original intent of creating an "inclusive community" for people of all genders who were sexually deprived due to social awkwardness, marginalization, or mental illness.[28]
**
Anyway, this is all just background for the article that shares the title of this thread. Because the article isn't about incels, which has basically become almost exclusively about men who can't find romantic partners, but rather of women who can't find romantic partners. Quoting a bit from that article:
**
You may have already forgotten, but 2022 is supposed to be the year of the femcel. In case you have forgotten or never knew, a femcel is the female counterpart to an “incel”, or involuntarily celibate male, a woman who can’t find a partner because she is (again, supposedly) too ugly and/or weird. These women had to form their own team because they weren’t welcome in the largely online gatherings of deeply aggrieved guys who (I suppose) couldn’t accept their shy female counterparts because: 1) they are really pissed at/estranged from women generally, 2) incel sites are places where men can vent about women with mind-crushing hostility, which could be awkward if they were co-ed, and 3) incels mostly don’t believe it’s even possible that a female can’t get sex if she wants it.
[snip]
It may be true what incels say, that if femcels “lowered their standards” (that is, if they would have sex with anyone), they could. But I think this is probably true of young men as well: that they, too, could have sex if they would accept literally anyone. But surprise: just about no one of any gender wants to have sex with literally anyone.
[snip]
Another story: a homely young woman used to work as a cashier at a grocery store where I live. She wasn’t ugly, but very plain and somehow too matronly for her age; she had an aura of hurt and hopeless loneliness about her. She never smiled. She barely spoke. She made minimal eye contact. For years, every time I saw her she was the same. I felt sad for her.
Then one day I went in with my face covered in red pustules. It was a disfiguring skin infection called folliculitis and I had it for about a week before I could see a doctor. The only upside about it was watching how people reacted to it. Most people averted their eyes; one actually gawked. But this sad young woman had a reaction that I still clearly recall, even though it was almost two decades ago. She was the only person to meet my eyes with a look of pure compassion.
It was very brief, but unmistakable; I felt her kindness directly in my heart. This lonely, plainly unhappy woman had the most loving response of anyone. I felt more than sad for her. I felt sad for the world. This woman had a reserve of goodness and care that is needed by so many people. And it wasn’t being tapped. What a waste of a precious resource. What a waste.
**
The year of the femcel | unherd.com
