*Number One Idiot of 2005
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2005
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2005
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote "this iza stikkup. Put all your munyin this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller'swindow. So he left the Bank of America and
crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in
line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and,
surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the
harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickupnote because it was
written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to
fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2005
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days
later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Smartass... but you still get a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~
Number Five Idiot of 2005
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and
agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of t he robber that he got
off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~
Idiot Number Six of 2005
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2005
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It
seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was
caught on videotape. Yep, Here's your sign...
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote.*
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter
into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in
order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~
Number Two Idiot of 2005
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a
life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river,
they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at
Boeing. Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Number Three Idiot of 2005
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote "this iza stikkup. Put all your munyin this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller'swindow. So he left the Bank of America and
crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in
line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and,
surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the
harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickupnote because it was
written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to
fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~~
Number Four Idiot of 2005
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days
later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Smartass... but you still get a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ ~
Number Five Idiot of 2005
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a
bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter
on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because
she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license
out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and
agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of t he robber that he got
off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~
Idiot Number Six of 2005
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2005
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It
seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was
caught on videotape. Yep, Here's your sign...
Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote.*
