when My son was born I wanted him to be himself and make his own path in the world.

evince

evince

Truthmatters
I didnt want to harm the thread on the death of a friend but one thing keeps popping into my mind when I see that thread.


The nice young man losing his father said that when his son was born he wanted him to be a better version of himself.

I know the kid meant well with this insight but to me it is just wrong.


They are NOT you.

They are not supposed to be a better version of you.

They are here to be them and your job is to HELP them not be confused about who they are.


Help them be who they are.

Help them be the BEST them they can be.


Its not easy but its the only way to set them on a path to happy.


trying to force your child to be a little you is just wrong.
 
evince said:
I didnt want to harm the thread on the death of a friend but one thing keeps popping into my mind when I see that thread.


The nice young man losing his father said that when his son was born he wanted him to be a better version of himself.

I know the kid meant well with this insight but to me it is just wrong.


They are NOT you.

They are not supposed to be a better version of you.

They are here to be them and your job is to HELP them not be confused about who they are.


Help them be who they are.

Help them be the BEST them they can be.


Its not easy but its the only way to set them on a path to happy.


trying to force your child to be a little you is just wrong.
Click to expand...

There are usually plenty of characteristics that are passed from father to son, whether by genetics or environment. I think that is what he meant. I never wanted my sons to be copies of me, but we share so many similar habits, mannerisms, likes and dislikes that it is easy to tell where they came from. I also see shades of my Dad in them.

They are definitally individuals. They are also my sons. Some of me inevitably rubbed off on them. Luckily, they have both avoided the mistakes I made in my youth.
 
He's speaking from what he saw as a Truth rather than what "should be" according to Desh. You may not think it to be that way, but what he feels he told the truth about.

Anyway, your perspective is that of a mother, not of a father which is what the kid was talking about. The relationship from father to son is very different than that of mother to son.
 
the person also never said anything about "force" desh. you're putting words in his mouth. wanting and forcing are two very different things. i think it is completely natural for any parent to want their offspring, especially the same sex, to grow up like (note i did not say same) them. hence, why all (i don't any that don't) parent raise their children with their own values etc.

forcing your child to be something they do not want to be is not good in any situation. regardless if you want them to be like you or be like mike.
 
genetics are powerful.

I come from a family where I had 7 siblings.

Yes genetics determine much of who we are.

Inviroment also adds a whole hell of alot to any humans perspective.


Heres the key guys.


They need to KNOW that what comes from inside them as a completely seperate person from everyone standing next to them no matter how much all those people look and move like them is what makes them an indivdual.


I was not trying to insult the young man I was trying to clairify parenting.


the more the baby (I believe the child had just been born) looks like a clone of anther person the more they need to have stressed that they own their own life and what is inside them is them and that not expected to be someone else other than them.


I would always tell my son when we discussed things that he was free to deside what he believed and I could only tell him my perspective on the world and what I believed.

a Childs perception question:

What do we believe?

my son actually asked me that one once.

He wanted to know what religion we were.

He was in kindergarden.


I told him that I believed in sceince and that that was what I based my beliefs about understanding the world on.

He was elated with that one but I also told him that I could not deside what he believed and that only he could deside that.


I have told him that about every major discussion we had in our lives.

He knows if he came home to me and annouced he was a scientologist and had just registered as a republican that I would accept that and love him the same.


Its his life not mine.

I was just lucky enough to be his parent.


Oh Damo BTW how do you know a father and son relationship is different from a mother son one?

have you ever been a mother to a son so you can compare the two?


There are many men walking this earth who only had a mother.
 
evince said:
genetics are powerful.

I come from a family where I had 7 siblings.

Yes genetics determine much of who we are.

Inviroment also adds a whole hell of alot to any humans perspective.


Heres the key guys.


They need to KNOW that what comes from inside them as a completely seperate person from everyone standing next to them no matter how much all those people look and move like them is what makes them an indivdual.


I was not trying to insult the young man I was trying to clairify parenting.


the more the baby (I believe the child had just been born) looks like a clone of anther person the more they need to have stressed that they own their own life and what is inside them is them and that not expected to be someone else other than them.


I would always tell my son when we discussed things that he was free to deside what he believed and I could only tell him my perspective on the world and what I believed.

a Childs perception question:

What do we believe?

my son actually asked me that one once.

He wanted to know what religion we were.

He was in kindergarden.


I told him that I believed in sceince and that that was what I based my beliefs about understanding the world on.

He was elated with that one but I also told him that I could not deside what he believed and that only he could deside that.


I have told him that about every major discussion we had in our lives.

He knows if he came home to me and annouced he was a scientologist and had just registered as a republican that I would accept that and love him the same.


Its his life not mine.

I was just lucky enough to be his parent.


Oh Damo BTW how do you know a father and son relationship is different from a mother son one?

have you ever been a mother to a son so you can compare the two?


There are many men walking this earth who only had a mother.
Click to expand...

I can't answer for Damo, only for myself. But having had daughters and sons, I can say the dynamic is different.

I also think that wanting my sons to be better versions of me does not eliminate their individuality. I wanted my sons to carry on my sense of humor, my wonder atthe world, my love of the outdoors, my love of reading, and even my fanaticism concerning the Crimson Tide. I raised 3 biological kids that are very close in ages. They turned out to be very different individuals. But that also closely resemble me and my family traits.
 
evince said:
Oh Damo BTW how do you know a father and son relationship is different from a mother son one?

have you ever been a mother to a son so you can compare the two?


There are many men walking this earth who only had a mother.
Click to expand...

That some people have single-parent families doesn't change that the relationship with a father/son or mother/daughter is different than daughter/father and mother/son.

It doesn't take more than simply having a father and mother to know your relationship is much different between the two.

If you want to go deeper into it, you can take some psychology courses. It is very different, the things a daughter learns from the father is even different than things that sons learn (not talking simple reading, etc, such things as a girl's self-worth is attached to a relationship with the father..)

I will tell you, the words I most wanted to hear from my father were not the same as the words I most want to hear from my mother... and it is held up by those courses I suggested.
 
WinterBorn said:
I can't answer for Damo, only for myself. But having had daughters and sons, I can say the dynamic is different.

I also think that wanting my sons to be better versions of me does not eliminate their individuality. I wanted my sons to carry on my sense of humor, my wonder atthe world, my love of the outdoors, my love of reading, and even my fanaticism concerning the Crimson Tide. I raised 3 biological kids that are very close in ages. They turned out to be very different individuals. But that also closely resemble me and my family traits.
Click to expand...

Nobody is perfect, hopefully they saw the easy way to improve? ;)
 
evince said:
I didnt want to harm the thread on the death of a friend but one thing keeps popping into my mind when I see that thread.


The nice young man losing his father said that when his son was born he wanted him to be a better version of himself.

I know the kid meant well with this insight but to me it is just wrong.


They are NOT you.

They are not supposed to be a better version of you.

They are here to be them and your job is to HELP them not be confused about who they are.


Help them be who they are.

Help them be the BEST them they can be.


Its not easy but its the only way to set them on a path to happy.


trying to force your child to be a little you is just wrong.
Click to expand...

I totally agree...
 
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