Why did the chicken cross the road?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets
the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't
about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHANEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of crossing?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that
he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do
is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current
problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going
to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can
see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going.. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain
truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other
side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new
platform is much more stable and will never &&^(C%..........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
NGO CAMPAIGNER: The chicken is yet another immigrant forced into a risky journey to the other side by desperate economic conditions bred by rampant globalization.
ENVIRONMENTAL CAMPAIGNER This is yet more evidence that global warming is causing increased chicken crossings, melting glaciers, rising sea levels, stronger hurricanes, and increased ice cream sales.
TRANSPARENCY CAMPAIGNER: The fact that we do not know why the chicken crossed the road is a scandal. The reasons for chicken crossings, which affect us all, must be published and verified in a process involving all stakeholders.
ECONOMIST: We have undertaken a spectral deviation cross sectional double least squares analysis of chicken crossings over the period 1971 to 2004 (the most recent year for which data are available). Our conclusion is that in at least 95% of cases the chicken crossed the road because it wanted to get to the other side. Our study has avoided the data biases associated with the Henn and Pecking study (Journal of Poultry Dynamics, November 1996), since we have adjusted for the number of chickens that did not successfully complete the crossing due to encounters with large vehicles. We have applied for a further grant from the Poultry Economics Trust Fund to develop a Chicken Crossing Motives Index, based upon a survey of expert chicken crossing observers in 22 countries.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets
the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't
about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We
just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The
chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHANEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of crossing?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that
he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it
goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do
is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current
problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going
to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we
have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can
see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going.. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain
truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that
chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I
say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the
liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other
side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as
simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new
platform is much more stable and will never &&^(C%..........reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
NGO CAMPAIGNER: The chicken is yet another immigrant forced into a risky journey to the other side by desperate economic conditions bred by rampant globalization.
ENVIRONMENTAL CAMPAIGNER This is yet more evidence that global warming is causing increased chicken crossings, melting glaciers, rising sea levels, stronger hurricanes, and increased ice cream sales.
TRANSPARENCY CAMPAIGNER: The fact that we do not know why the chicken crossed the road is a scandal. The reasons for chicken crossings, which affect us all, must be published and verified in a process involving all stakeholders.
ECONOMIST: We have undertaken a spectral deviation cross sectional double least squares analysis of chicken crossings over the period 1971 to 2004 (the most recent year for which data are available). Our conclusion is that in at least 95% of cases the chicken crossed the road because it wanted to get to the other side. Our study has avoided the data biases associated with the Henn and Pecking study (Journal of Poultry Dynamics, November 1996), since we have adjusted for the number of chickens that did not successfully complete the crossing due to encounters with large vehicles. We have applied for a further grant from the Poultry Economics Trust Fund to develop a Chicken Crossing Motives Index, based upon a survey of expert chicken crossing observers in 22 countries.
