Banish is a strong word. A biblical word. But, I ain't kidding. I am hereby joining with the Idaho Family Values Association, and other evangelical groups to call on the GOP to purge all gay GOP politicians from the party, forthwith. Closeted or not. Heck, for that matter, even gay citizens shouldn’t be in our party. We don’t want your vote. Your self-destructive, hedonistic (yet occasionally intriguing – wink, wink) lifestyle is incompatible with Republican and traditional American values, and incompatible with public service on behalf of the GOP.
Larry Craig: you’re out. Go home. Join the DemocRAT Party.
Rudy Giuliani? I’ve got my doubts about you. That thing with the dress, and making out with Donald Trump freaked me out….I’ve got my eye on you. Representative David Drier? There is no 60 year old man, who dresses as well as you and has never been married, that is above suspicion. I’ve got my eye on you too. Newt Gingrich? Hey, what kind of a name is “Newt” anyway? You sound like a fancy dancer to me. Tom Tancredo? I’ve got my doubts. All that hatin’ on Mexicans could very well be a cover; a diversion as it were. You actually look kind of light on your feet, too. Tucker Carlson? One word: Bowtie….dead giveaway my boy.
Now, you may ask why we grassroots Republicans aren’t demanding the purge of adulterers, candidates who’ve had multiple wives, and divorced candidates. Fair question. Allow me to explain….
The honest truth is that if we purge all the gays, all the Mexicans, all the adulterers, all the Muslim-american towel heads, all the blacks, and all the divorcees out of our party, I’m afraid we’ll be left with me, Pat Robertson, Billy Graham Junior, Dixie, Cawacko, Superfreak, Battleborne, and Damocles. Now, mind you, our wives wouldn’t really count, ‘cause we still be working on overturning the 19th Amendment (women’s suffrage), and Roe v. Wade. A woman’s place is in the home, or giving massages… not in the voting booth. So, honestly, we need a few sinners, to take this nation back to its Christian Theocratic roots. Besides, don’t you think the pews in our churches would be pretty danged empty without our second and third wives, our multiple step-children, our live-in girlfriends, and our mistresses sitting next to us in Church to praise the Lord?
