Blond Joke

C

cancel2 2022

Canceled
A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her.

Well, I was trying to commit suicide, the blonde replied.

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?"

"No, Silly!" the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."

"And then?" asked the doctor.

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."

"And then?"

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
 
tom I don't get pissed off at your weak sauce material. I just think it's weak sauce. But off topic doesn't have lots of activity so if you want to post weak sauce be my guest.
 
it's all cool bro. the holy trinity is not oppressive we embrace the freedom of others to laugh at whatever jokes they wish. We are the sum of all our parts, combined, we are a omnipresent monolith.
 
Dr. Krieger said:
tom I don't get pissed off at your weak sauce material. I just think it's weak sauce. But off topic doesn't have lots of activity so if you want to post weak sauce be my guest.
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Is this any better?

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.

"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
 
Dr. Krieger said:
better, but not good
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Do you like nerd jokes?

For all those computer programmers who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best.

Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks!!
 
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Aoxomoxoa said:
Do you like nerd jokes?

For all those computer programmers who don't want to spend the money for those fancy exercise machines, here is a little secret for building arm and shoulder muscles. Three days a week is best.

Begin by standing (in your cubicle works well) with a five pound potato sack in each hand. Extend your arms straight out to your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Punchline on request
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That's actually not the worst idea. I fully endorse that. However I always urge you to drink until your urine is clear and to stretch 20minutes a day. Preferably when you wake up or after a long period of inactivity.

Weightless workouts are the best, but this is sure to fill out your chest/shoulders. Curl the heavier bags and you get biceps! Then all the ladies will like! And if female, nothing is sexier than a toned body!

I want teh puchline though.
 
Aoxomoxoa said:
Got any better ones?
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It's not that you need a better one Tom...it's all about timing. Here...I'll show you.

A bum walks into a bar. Grinds Mom is the bartender. A sign on the wall over her head says "Hand Jobs $5. Cheese Sandwhich $10.".

The bum looks at the sign and than squints at Grinds Mom and asks "Are you the bitch here who gives the handjobs?".

Grinds Mom looks sourly at him and says "Yes I am."

And the Bum says "Well wash your hands bitch I want a cheese sandwhich!"
 
Mott the Hoople said:
So does that mean you'd support Skidmark if he voted for Ralph Nader?
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yes. Ralph nader isn't even all that bad. at least he's principled. Remember, I respect those with principles far more than those that are closer to me in idealogy but work towards their own self interests
 
pisskop said:
That's actually not the worst idea. I fully endorse that. However I always urge you to drink until your urine is clear and to stretch 20minutes a day. Preferably when you wake up or after a long period of inactivity.

Weightless workouts are the best, but this is sure to fill out your chest/shoulders. Curl the heavier bags and you get biceps! Then all the ladies will like! And if female, nothing is sexier than a toned body!

I want teh puchline though.
Click to expand...

Punchline: Next, start putting a few potatoes in the sacks!!
 
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