Were you lobotomised earlier in your boyhood or was it more recent ?
Why don't you leave the closet ? Just come out and say ' I thoroughly enjoy eating coprology samples between applauding massacres ' You'll feel better getting it off your...er...chest.
I bet you don't have the guts to do it either. We're you born a coward or did your coward parents raise you to be one.
Next time you come home when I'm hammering your wife in the closet, I'll come out of the closet and see what you do.