I'm thinking about what you experienced through my lens. I'm able to live in SF and I'm not going to miss any meals. But I have a some friends that I've known a long time (people who attended my wedding) that I'm still friends with but they are just in another economic world.
These are people I used to go out with a lot. Now when they go out it's to Michelin star restaurants. It's fancy trips. Going to games and sitting in Suites. That type deal. So I haven't stopped being friends with these people but I can't do the things they do on a regular basis - so they stop asking me.
I've never had a sense these folks think they're better than me, I'm just not a BSD like they are. And my friends are sharp people who have worked really hard so I don't begrudge them for their success (in fact I love it, it's great having rich friends who will occasionally invite you to events).
So it's not specifically what you experienced but there's an element of it when people go to different stations/levels in life and how do others react to it.
That’s true and ever interesting. Sometimes I forget how far I’ve moved up the socioeconomic ladder. I was born into a working poor family and stayed there throughout my childhood cause my father didn’t complete his doctorate till a month before I turned 18. It took him a couple of years to build his practice but once he did that he quickly attained middle class but never rose beyond that as he preferred the small town/rural lifestyle.
By the time he had attained middle class status I had already moved out his house and thus remained working poor. Over time and with a good education and hard work I rose through working poor to working class to middle class to upper middle class.
But getting back to your point of how people react to your change in status was pretty odd in the relationship with my father. I think I told you about how I dropped out of my Doctoral program because I was starving and a year later entered the environmental field and how my father freaked out. Let me know it was a loser move. So he held that view of me for a very long time. Part of that was my fault as I never discussed what I was earning and I was living pretty frugally as I was single.
Well around 2006 shortly after I moved back to Columbus a new Chiropractor moved into Mercer county where he lived. He and I were driving somewhere and he started talking to me about the new guy and how he had recently graduated and got his license and in his first year in practice he had earned $75,000. I whistled as I was impressed and said “Wow, that’s not too far off from what I’m earning.”. That went right in one of his ears and out the other and didn’t register. He then had a look of real disappointment on his face and started a diatribe and lectured me on how that could have been me and I could be making that kind of money or better had I staid in grad school and became a chiropractor like him. To which I said “Dad, why in the world would I want to make $25,000 a year less than him?”. That one got through. LOL
So he gave me a look of disbelief and said “Are you trying to tell me you made $100 kpy last year? Bullshit! Don’t lie to me.”. So I pulled out three pay stubs from my wallet. One was my biweekly pay stub. That showed my base salary was 60 kpy. I then showed him the two bonus check stubs for that year. The first was a $10,000 one for my annual performance bonus and the second was my Managers Incentive Bonus for $30,000 that was based on the profits earned from the projects I had managed and completed.
When he realized that I wasn’t bull shitting him and I had made $100 kpy that year he just cracked a grin and said “Son, I had no idea you could make that kind of money in your work. How long have you been earning this kind of money?”. I said “Adjusted for inflation…8 years.”. His jaw about hit the floor. You see I never discussed what I was earning with him because he had been so judgmental towards me about my career choice and thought environmental jobs were low paying jobs for losers. So he had this mind set of me as his loser under achieving son.
Well his attitude completely changed instantly when he finally realized what my status actually was. Hell if he had ever came up to Columbus to visit me and the fact that I was living in Dublin should have clued him in that I wasn’t exactly working poor. After thinking about it he said something he had never said to me before. “Son I’m proud of you. I’ve been wrong all these years when I would think about your career path. I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”. To which I said “Because I didn’t think it would make a difference to you. You never got over the fact that I didn’t want to be a chiropractor.”.
But his reaction to the change of my status was both nice and a disappointment. As it was nice to finally hear my father tell me he was proud of me but bitterly disappointing that he had held such a low opinion of me for so long. I remembered little things in context that I hadn’t understood before. Like how if he, my mother and I would go out for dinner he would never let me pick up the check. I thought it was a Dads pride thing of “I’m not going to let my kid pick up the check for me.”. That wasn’t it at all. He just simply thought I couldn’t afford it.
Another of his reactions was like I went from being a loser in his eyes to being a leader of our family and he showed me significantly more respect.
Anyway I found the whole situation surreal. All this negativity from him in the past over money and perception of me that was departed from reality?
But that was my Dad and I had learned to ignore his sarcastic comments and not take him to seriously on the matter as having tact and sensitivity were never his strong point. Besides outside of the issues he had with my career we had a great father son relationship and were very close. Now that he’s passed away I always miss him terribly when football season starts.