Great Rants

Mott the Hoople

Sweet Jane
OK, I was going to limit this to great JPP rants but then figured the thread would become a "Dixie's all time greatest hits" list with maybe a post by Earl Buttz thrown in there. ( I wonder what ever happened to Earl? I haven't heard from him in a long time.)

Here's my all time favorite rant;

Gunnery Sgt Hartman from Full Metal Jacket;

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!
 
"the bears are who we thought they were, and we let them of the hook. You wanna crown their ass, go ahed"
 
Look, you have to appreciate this Bonnie situation. I mean she's coming home from a long night of work at the h ospital and she comes home and sees her husband with some gangsters doing all kinds of gangster shit" (Jewels)

"I understand that Jewels. I'm only comtemplating the 'What ifs""(Marcellus)

"Aint no mother fuckin what ifs. All I wanna hear from you is, You aint got nutting to worry about Jewels, I'm on the mother fucker, chill them *****s out and wait for the cavalry which should be arriving shortly!" (Jewels)

"You aint got nuttin to worry about Jewels. I'm on the mother fucker. Chill them *****s out and wait for THE WOLF, who should be arriving shortly" (Marcellus)

"You sendin the wolf?" (Jewels)

"Oh, you feel better now mother fucker?" (Marcellus)

"Well shiiiiiiiiit Neeegro.. That's all you had to say!" (Jewels)
 
my favorite from pulp fiction
Jules: Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin' mother****er, mother****er! Every time my fingers touch brain I'm SUPERFLY T.N.T, I'm the GUNS OF THE NAVARONE. In fact, what the **** am I doin' in the back? You're the mother****er should be on brain detail. We're ****in' switchin' right now. I'm washin' the windows and you're pickin' up this nigger's skull
 
Did your parents have any children that lived?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Yes, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I bet they regret that? You're so ugly you can be a modern art master piece! What's your name fat buddy?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Leonard Lawrence, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Lawrence? Lawrence what... of Arabia?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: That name sounds like royalty. Are you royalty?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Do you suck dicks?
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: Bullshit. I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, No, sir.
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: I don't like the name Lawrence, only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on you're Gomer Pyle.
Private Gomer Pyle: Sir, Yes, sir.
 
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman: If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human, fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian shit. Because I am hard you will not like me. But the more you hate me the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?
 
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exOxUAntx8I"]YouTube- DJ Steve Porter - "Press Hop" featuring A. Iverson featuring Mora, Green, Namath, Gundy & T O[/ame]
 
Look, you have to appreciate this Bonnie situation. I mean she's coming home from a long night of work at the h ospital and she comes home and sees her husband with some gangsters doing all kinds of gangster shit" (Jewels)

"I understand that Jewels. I'm only comtemplating the 'What ifs""(Marcellus)

"Aint no mother fuckin what ifs. All I wanna hear from you is, You aint got nutting to worry about Jewels, I'm on the mother fucker, chill them *****s out and wait for the cavalry which should be arriving shortly!" (Jewels)

"You aint got nuttin to worry about Jewels. I'm on the mother fucker. Chill them *****s out and wait for THE WOLF, who should be arriving shortly" (Marcellus)

"You sendin the wolf?" (Jewels)

"Oh, you feel better now mother fucker?" (Marcellus)

"Well shiiiiiiiiit Neeegro.. That's all you had to say!" (Jewels)
Topper....that's a dialogue...not a rant. A rant by definition is a monolouge.
 
This rant by Blake (Alec Baldwin) in Glengary Glenn Ross is a killer too. (anyone who works with sales people can relate to this! LOL)

"You see this watch? You see this watch? . . . That watch costs more than your car. I made $970,000 last year. How much you make? You see pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a shit. Good father? Fuck you! Go home and play with your kids. You wanna work here, close. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this, how can you take the abuse you get on a sit? You don't like it, leave."
 
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Topper....that's a dialogue...not a rant. A rant by definition is a monolouge.

you are by defenition a tool

Gunny has some of the best lines ever, that's why they are included. They are IMHO rant worthy

Just like Mora's Playoffs got voted best rant ever on ESPN
 
you are by defenition a tool

Gunny has some of the best lines ever, that's why they are included. They are IMHO rant worthy

Just like Mora's Playoffs got voted best rant ever on ESPN
Oh yea....the first half of that movie is pretty much on Hartman's rants. His one of Xmas day I about heaved a lung on too;


"Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines! God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand? "
 
"You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks! Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick! Four fucking wheels and a seat! . . . And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile at my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!"
 
Since today is November the 5th I think this rant is entirely appropriate;

V: Good evening, London. Allow me first to apologize for this interruption. I do, like many of you, appreciate the comforts of the everyday routine, the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition. I enjoy them as much as any bloke. But in the spirit of commemoration - whereby those important events of the past, usually associated with someone's death or the end of some awful bloody struggle, are celebrated with a nice holiday - I thought we could mark this November the fifth, a day that is sadly no longer remembered, by taking some time out of our daily lives to sit down and have a little chat.
There are, of course, those who do not want us to speak. I suspect even now orders are being shouted into telephones and men with guns will soon be on their way. Why? Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth. And the truth is, there is something terribly wrong with this country, isn't there?
Cruelty and injustice...intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance, coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those who are more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable. But again, truth be told...if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror.
I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War. Terror. Disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you and in your panic, you turned to the now High Chancellor Adam Sutler. He promised you order. He promised you peace. And all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent.
Last night, I sought to end that silence. Last night, I destroyed the Old Bailey to remind this country of what it has forgotten. More than four hundred years ago, a great citizen wished to embed the fifth of November forever in our memory. His hope was to remind the world that fairness, justice and freedom are more than words - they are perspectives. So if you've seen nothing, if the crimes of this government remain unknown to you, then I would suggest that you allow the fifth of November to pass unmarked. But if you see what I see, if you feel as I feel, and if you would seek as I seek...then I ask you to stand beside me, one year from tonight, outside the gates of Parliament. And together, we shall give them a fifth of November that shall never, ever, be forgot!
 
And another favorite

Beale: I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the street, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it.

We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. And we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be!

We all know things are bad -- worse than bad -- they're crazy.

It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we're living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, "Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials, and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone."

Well, I'm not going to leave you alone.

I want you to get mad!

I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write to your Congressman, because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street.

All I know is that first, you've got to get mad.

You've gotta say, "I'm a human being, goddammit! My life has value!"

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell,

"I'm as mad as hell,

and I'm not going to take this anymore!!"

 
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