Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque..
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside.
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During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling
tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said, "We didn't even know
they were living up there."
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Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough
television shows with minorities in mind, so Crimewatch is being shown
5 times a week now.
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I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low!
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I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth
floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
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A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates..
He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points
to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder
in great strides, climbs through the clouds and comes to a room where he meets
another bearded man.
He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder
and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another
man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
"No, I am Jesus. You will find Mohammed higher up."
Mohammed higher than Jesus!
The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever
higher.
Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and
repeats his question:
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of
breath from all his climbing.
"No, my son. I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a
coffee?"
"Yes, please, my Lord."
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out,
"Hey, Mohammed! Two coffees!"
