I Drive Sweetly

Minister of Truth

Minister of Truth

Practically Perfect
Yesterday I was driving back from the base when a trio of douchebags pulled up behind me on I-5. A minute later, some guy in the center lane pulled in front of me forcing me to slow down to like 59, and the dbags were like "he go slow, we get around him!!!!!"

When people try to do stupid things like this, I will school them by refusing to let them in, be it failing to use the turn signal or wanting to pass me for no good reason. They got into the center lane, which kept having long breaks in the traffic, but couldn't get around me, so they dropped back into the left lane. I stopped them from passing me for like 20 miles, despite all of their best maneuvers.

Finally, I saw a long stretch of road as soon as I could get passed the next car in the center lane. As soon as I did I jumped over and gunned it up to 90. I could see the dbags frantically scrambling to not lose all of their manhood. After quite a ways, I was cruising down the empty right lane, but I was approaching a semi, so I needed to get over. I was thwarted by one dumb fucking asshole in a blue Focus, otherwise I would have pwned their asses. Motherfucker wouldn't let me go in front of him, because its his civic duty to discourage racing.

The dbags got passed me. It wasn't the end of the world, since we were now at my exit, but had they not, I would have had a 100% over them instead of just 95%. Plus, I could have given them the finger as I was exiting. But it was so much fun, and I was cackling like a maniac the whole!!!
 
Its never a good idea to race on the highway- too fucking expensive. I've found other ways of dealing with folks on the road who try to control my sane speed, which is normally 4 over.

Occasionally I've made good time by following a "rabbit". Once I went from Buffalo NY nearly to Syracuse following behind two kids in a new van- probably their dad's or their boss's. I stayed 1/2 mile or so behind them as they gradually sped up to 100, when the barn door they were driving was hit by a radar gun from the median. I'm sure the driver lost his license, and most likely his job.
 
one time I was in rush hour traffic going about 85 in 65 and this dumb bitch starts tailgating me. I mean.... I'm already going 20 miles over.. chill the fuck out. Anyway she was way up on my bumper, and I could see her face in my rearview mirror, she was chatting on her phone, and honked her horn at me impatiently (i couldn't really go anywhere even if I wanted too....which I didn't) so once she came up close on my bumper again, I UBER JAMMED my breaks taking me from 85 to god know what slow speed in a matter of a second or two.. I will never forget the absolute SHEER TERROR that was on her face. Her mouth was open (likely she was screaming for her life) and she bobbled her phone. If you've ever seen a medieval painting of people in hell, crying out for their forsaken souls, that's what her face looked like. If she took her eyes off the road for one second, I would also probably be dead. It was so fucking awesome.

To reverse the roles, one time I was coming back from new hampshire, and I was driving in the right lane for some reason. I was going to the speed limit (I think I actually had gotten a ticket recently so I was being more cautious O_O) when I came up upon this old geezer that was creating his own death trap driving literally 40 miles an hour. I was on life tilt that day so I started to tailgate him a bit to get his ass moving at the legal speed that 98% of other drivers drive at. Instead he decided to show my young punk ass a lesson and slowed his car down to 30 miles an hour.... I guess he assumed at that point that I would get the point and just drive off in one of the other open lanes at my preferred speed.

I followed him back from new hampshire, for about 45 minutes riding his stupid ass bumper. At times I think we literally got it down to 25 miles per hour. It was a battle of egos and I wasn't going to lose. I could see his wife in the car, and I knew she was doing what wifes do best, which is nag, and felt that my chances were very good that she would eventually beat her husband into submission. Sure enough, after about 50 minutes of this, he finally pulls over into the middle lane, defeated :( and then I sped up to like 100 mph and went in front of him.
 
LOLZ Grind.

WM, by passing for no reason, I mean, blaming me for the slow speed or steady speed of the whole line of cars in front of me, and trying to get around me when it will avail you nothing. If you've ever seen the driver that will tailgate, pass/cut-off, tailgate, pass/cut-off, and so on ad-nausiating, you know its fucking annoying. I once held one off for quite some time, and when he finally cut in front of me and began tailgating the next guy, I got right up on his ass, and then a semi pulled up alongside the three of us, trapping him. I could tell that he was getting really nervous, and when we all finally cleared the semi, he jumped the hell over into the right lane in four seconds flat.
 
Mr. Spite said:
Who cares?
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The average bitch driver (particularly in Western WA, which is home the the country's worst drivers) will get away with his shenanigans most of the time. Occasionally they come accross the deus ex machina, who will school their ass, and give them that 5 minutes of lessons in human civility. Its been fun schooling some of them myself.

I noticed one guy get real pissed off once when he realized that the reason he finally got in front of me was because he had finally utilized his turn signal. Has he used it since? Probably not, but for one brief moment he was reminded that it exists, and what it is there for.
 
If you tried to block me over something so trivial I probably wouldn't understand and wouldn't know what was going on. Therefore, you'd have accomplished nothing.
 
Mr. Spite said:
If you tried to block me over something so trivial I probably wouldn't understand and wouldn't know what was going on. Therefore, you'd have accomplished nothing.
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You and I would just interpret it as "oh, there's no room for me to get it." But for people like this, they are emotionally invested in always getting their way on the road. Trust me, the asshole drivers notice when they can't cut their way into another lane, and whatnot.

The guys from yesterday clearly developed an "oh, its on!" attitude when I blocked them the second time. It was so obvious that I was speeding up everytime they began their approach from the center lane, that you would have to be pretty clueless not to notice.
 
Mr. Spite said:
I don't really get road rage, I get road guilt. I'm a shitty driver.
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If I were to drive outside of Western WA, I would probably be viewed as a shitty driver, because I herald from the land of the absolute worst drivers known to man. If you doubt me, just ask any Californian who was spent any length of time driving up here, or anyone else who has visited here out of state.

I consider my homeland a paradise, but not when it comes to driving in it. Recently a local radio guy returned from a hiatus, where he had been down in LA, and he commented that he had temporarily forgotten how GK about the road had to be re-learned because it was only applicable up here. He was like, its the only place where certain individuals consider it their civic duty to drive 50mph in the left lane. This sucks when you are driving north from Snohomish to Monroe and the road narrows to just one lane, for example...
 
Mott the Hoople said:
Those stories are nothing. I once drove in Indiana....and survived!!
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LOLZ, the general traffic congestion out here is too thick for it to be all that dangerous. But the crappy delays are more a product of lousy drivers than of failing roads, poor planning, and size of the population. Just the fact that sick fucks slow down to gaze at accidents causes constant back-ups all along the I-5 corridor.
 
T&A said:
He was like, its the only place where certain individuals consider it their civic duty to drive 50mph in the left lane...
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They do that here too. There's an old lady that drives a Buick on 40E going to Winston every morning and she's a legend around here. The left lane is all hers. I swear if someone was stopped in front of her she wouldn't know what to do.
 
FYI

500x_left_lane_driving_laws_2_01.jpg
 
also without threedee making shit up, rhode island has the worst drivers, followed by massachusetts (one of the reasons we are called massholes)

of course, what these studies mean by worst, is brave and daring. and not to be messed with
 
G 2 i n d said:
also without threedee making shit up, rhode island has the worst drivers, followed by massachusetts (one of the reasons we are called massholes)

of course, what these studies mean by worst, is brave and daring. and not to be messed with
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My Dad taught me how to take a left turn out a side street in heavy traffic in metro Boston:

1. Drive a large, old car with rust and dents.
2. A break in traffic is more than two car lengths.
3. Cross the near lane at the first break then stop at the center line. They have to stop for you, because you're stopped and it would be their fault if they hit you.
4. Nose out slowly into the far lane of traffic at a constant speed, squeezing the lane down. When someone finally honks or slows down, step on the gas and get on your way. They have to stop for you, otherwise they will have hit you from behind and its their fault.
 
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