LOTR characters all bachelor virgins

F

FUCK THE POLICE

911 EVERY DAY
Seriously. The only people with a girlfriend in the entire story is Elrond, the husband of Galadriel, Aragon, and Sam. Everyone else is a bachelor who has presumably never had a girlfriend (Tolkien never mentions one for any of them in the story at least) and is therefore most likely a virgin. For the entire story all they do is grabass and talk about how pale the elf chicks (I believe only one human woman is named, two hobbit women, and no Dwarves) are. Bilbo was a bachelor for almost a century and a half, Frodo for about 60 years, and they both go to the undying lands (where there are no hobbit chicks) without a girlfriend to spend the next hundred or so years together.

Anyone see anything wrong with this picture?
 
Batchelors, a fundamental lack of sex and dwarves?

Change the names about a bit and it could be referring to the contributors to a political message board or something.
 
Watermark said:
Seriously. The only people with a girlfriend in the entire story is Elrond, the husband of Galadriel, Aragon, and Sam. Everyone else is a bachelor who has presumably never had a girlfriend (Tolkien never mentions one for any of them in the story at least) and is therefore most likely a virgin. For the entire story all they do is grabass and talk about how pale the elf chicks (I believe only one human woman is named, two hobbit women, and no Dwarves) are. Bilbo was a bachelor for almost a century and a half, Frodo for about 60 years, and they both go to the undying lands (where there are no hobbit chicks) without a girlfriend to spend the next hundred or so years together.

Anyone see anything wrong with this picture?
Click to expand...

Yes....

Elrond is not the husband of Gladriel. Celeborn is. Dumbass.
 
Well, we now all know just what big geeks Watermark and Superfreak are... :pke:

I've read the books and seen the movies, yet not once did WM's realizations enter my mind, nor could I have told you who Gladriel's husband is.
 
Superfreak said:
Yes....

Elrond is not the husband of Gladriel. Celeborn is. Dumbass.
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It was meant to be read as a reference four different people. I couldn't remember who Galadriels husband was so I put "The husband of Galdriel" instead. I wasn't describing Elrond as the husband of Galadriel.
 
Norman Paperman said:
Well, we now all know just what big geeks Watermark and Superfreak are... :pke:

I've read the books and seen the movies, yet not once did WM's realizations enter my mind, nor could I have told you who Gladriel's husband is.
Click to expand...

See how easy it is for conservative to overlook the absence of women and a good ole grabassing?
 
Watermark said:
See how easy it is for conservative to overlook the absence of women and a good ole grabassing?
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Ouch! No need for the name calling!

I read the books more than twenty years ago and merely enjoyed them for the story and the classic value the books had achieved. The movies I simply viewed as damn fine movie making. I tend not to analyze my entertainment too deeply. Hell, it wasn't until a few years ago that I became aware of the Christian under-pinnings of Tolkien's work. His and C.S. Lewis'. I just read and enjoyed.
 
Norman Paperman said:
Ouch! No need for the name calling!
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LOL. I was just ribbing you, man.

Norman Paperman said:
I read the books more than twenty years ago and merely enjoyed them for the story and the classic value the books had achieved. The movies I simply viewed as damn fine movie making. I tend not to analyze my entertainment too deeply. Hell, it wasn't until a few years ago that I became aware of the Christian under-pinnings of Tolkien's work. His and C.S. Lewis'. I just read and enjoyed.
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I do the same thing.

I just got to thinking about it the other day, and found it amusing because I started seeing his extremely Christian ethos everywhere. Women are rarely mentioned; their beauty is highly emphasized but in an asexual way. It's sort of like going back in time and seeing this:

24410_1970childrensbook.jpg


Delightfully sexist.
 
Norman Paperman said:
Well, we now all know just what big geeks Watermark and Superfreak are... :pke:

I've read the books and seen the movies, yet not once did WM's realizations enter my mind, nor could I have told you who Gladriel's husband is.
Click to expand...

I didn't know his name either... looked that part up... just knew that Elrond wasn't her husband.
 
Watermark said:
It was meant to be read as a reference four different people. I couldn't remember who Galadriels husband was so I put "The husband of Galdriel" instead. I wasn't describing Elrond as the husband of Galadriel.
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Well then...

1) Who was Elronds girlfriend???

2) You are forgetting Faramir.... he hooked up with Eowyn
 
Superfreak said:
Well then...

1) Who was Elronds girlfriend???

2) You are forgetting Faramir.... he hooked up with Eowyn
Click to expand...

1) Yeah. I'm listening to it on audiobook and haven't finished it yet. They may have had that on the movie, but my memory of the movie is sketchy. I'm planning on re-watching it (in the directors cut version) after I finish the book.

2) Elronds girlfriend it Celebrían, Galdriel and Celborn's daughter.
 
Watermark said:
Seriously. The only people with a girlfriend in the entire story is Elrond, the husband of Galadriel, Aragon, and Sam. Everyone else is a bachelor who has presumably never had a girlfriend (Tolkien never mentions one for any of them in the story at least) and is therefore most likely a virgin. For the entire story all they do is grabass and talk about how pale the elf chicks (I believe only one human woman is named, two hobbit women, and no Dwarves) are. Bilbo was a bachelor for almost a century and a half, Frodo for about 60 years, and they both go to the undying lands (where there are no hobbit chicks) without a girlfriend to spend the next hundred or so years together.

Anyone see anything wrong with this picture?
Click to expand...

Yes, there is something wrong here, they remind us of you. A bachelor virgin!

:pke:
 
Watermark said:
At least I'm not a 150 year old virgin like Bilbo, although if the singularity happens during my lifetime it's certainly a possibility.
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I'm confident you'll get an invite into a young lady's hobbit hole before you hit the century.
 
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