My Dog Keeps Farting Tonight

I feel your pain bro. My wife keeps blowing the blankets off the bed with her farts. I wake up in the morning with hash marks on my belly. It's fucking gross......not to mention a fire hazard if she's near an open flame.

If your dogs farts a lot and they stink badly it's usually a sign your feeding em cheap fucking dog food with lots of corn fillers. So don't be such a cheap asshole and feed him/her something decent like Iams or mix some wet dog food with the dry (though that does increase the number of torpedos they launch) or feed the flatulant mother fucker and toss his funky ass outside. This is not a hard problem to solve Nigel. Not nearly as hard as being married to the fart queen who's favorite snack is hard boiled eggs dipped in vinegar. Not even beano will fix that shit.
 
Mott the Hoople said:
I feel your pain bro. My wife keeps blowing the blankets off the bed with her farts. I wake up in the morning with hash marks on my belly. It's fucking gross......not to mention a fire hazard if she's near an open flame.

If your dogs farts a lot and they stink badly it's usually a sign your feeding em cheap fucking dog food with lots of corn fillers. So don't be such a cheap asshole and feed him/her something decent like Iams or mix some wet dog food with the dry (though that does increase the number of torpedos they launch) or feed the flatulant mother fucker and toss his funky ass outside. This is not a hard problem to solve Nigel. Not nearly as hard as being married to the fart queen who's favorite snack is hard boiled eggs dipped in vinegar. Not even beano will fix that shit.
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You can't write shit like that whilst I'm trying to enjoy a cold one. Damn near snarfed all over the goddamned laptop. Sucks about the Missus. Maybe you could feed her outside and keep her in a kennel or some shit. But a nice kennel with like a bidet so she can clean out before coming in the house.

And I feed my dog some holistic natural food shit that ain't fucking cheap, although I spose mixing in some wet food would be a decent thing to do provided it fixes the farting problem but I ain't sold on your solution since your diagnosis of the problem is off base. Maybe I'll feed her hard boiled eggs dipped in vinegar to see if it has the opposite effect on the dog that it has on your missus.
 
Well if you're going for opposites I might suggest PBR, Taco Bell, and deviled eggs. I currently hold the record for destroyed toilets with that combo.
 
NigelTufnel said:
You can't write shit like that whilst I'm trying to enjoy a cold one. Damn near snarfed all over the goddamned laptop. Sucks about the Missus. Maybe you could feed her outside and keep her in a kennel or some shit. But a nice kennel with like a bidet so she can clean out before coming in the house.

And I feed my dog some holistic natural food shit that ain't fucking cheap, although I spose mixing in some wet food would be a decent thing to do provided it fixes the farting problem but I ain't sold on your solution since your diagnosis of the problem is off base. Maybe I'll feed her hard boiled eggs dipped in vinegar to see if it has the opposite effect on the dog that it has on your missus.
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Hell give her a try with the hard boiled eggs and vinegar. What have you got to lose other then the paint on your walls? But what the fuck man, even if it does work you'd still be stuck with a dirty old egg sucking dog. I mean don't go to the other extreme and buy some organic holistic dog food made by a French Chef. They're dogs! Their idea of tasty is cat turds. Don't waste your money dumbass. The dog would be happier eating sun dried oppossum off the road. I mean their culinary taste is only a half a step above the English, how low can you get?
 
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Mott the Hoople said:
Hell give her a try with the hard boiled eggs and vinegar. What have you got to lose other then the paint on your walls? But what the fuck man, even if it does work you'd still be stuck with a dirty old egg sucking dog. I mean don't go to the other extreme and buy some organic holistic dog food made by a French Chef. They're dogs! Their idea of tasty is cat turds. Don't waste your money dumbass. The dog would be happier eating sun dried oppossum off the road. I mean their culinary taste is only a half a step above the English, how low can you get?
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My dog is quite refined, ceptin the fartin. Here's the stinkin' shit herself. She looks all sweet and shit but she stinks to high heaven. Somebody should shop some stink lines in that sumbuck.
 
I imagine Iams is pretty much the same thing as generic. With expensive dog foods your paying extra for the marketing.

Dog food is way less expensive than human food. You do the math on how they're doing that.
 
Our Rot has had quite the farts lately. And these babies have a signature to them. There's noooooo mistaking a Brooke Wilson special. So we did some research, and found that as she eats, she eats a lot of air, which become signatures. Now we put a big rock on top of the food, so she has to eat around the rock, can't eat so fast, less air, less signatures.

Twas becoming a major, MAJOR problem. The whole house was smelling like chemcal warfare... Now, not so bad.
 
Beefy said:
Our Rot has had quite the farts lately. And these babies have a signature to them. There's noooooo mistaking a Brooke Wilson special. So we did some research, and found that as she eats, she eats a lot of air, which become signatures. Now we put a big rock on top of the food, so she has to eat around the rock, can't eat so fast, less air, less signatures.

Twas becoming a major, MAJOR problem. The whole house was smelling like chemcal warfare... Now, not so bad.
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Mix in some tomato juice, then report back to us.

:D
 
Mott the Hoople said:
I feel your pain bro. My wife keeps blowing the blankets off the bed with her farts. I wake up in the morning with hash marks on my belly. It's fucking gross......not to mention a fire hazard if she's near an open flame.

If your dogs farts a lot and they stink badly it's usually a sign your feeding em cheap fucking dog food with lots of corn fillers. So don't be such a cheap asshole and feed him/her something decent like Iams or mix some wet dog food with the dry (though that does increase the number of torpedos they launch) or feed the flatulant mother fucker and toss his funky ass outside. This is not a hard problem to solve Nigel. Not nearly as hard as being married to the fart queen who's favorite snack is hard boiled eggs dipped in vinegar. Not even beano will fix that shit.
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omg...im rotflmao @ this. Your wife sounds like a riot.
 
I give this thread and it's participants a 9.2.

Good work guys keep the fart humor coming.
 
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