Canceled.2014.1
New member
And thanks for the welcomes back, folks. Good to be here again.
Socially Unacceptable Jokes
- Thread starter Canceled.2014.1
- Start date
cancel2 2022
Canceled
This isn't sick or socially unacceptable but I like it anyway!
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
They are always getting into trouble and their parents know if any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent the 8 year old in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
Crashk
Unite or Die
Don't call this thread Socially Unacceptable Jokes if you cant take it. Call it watered down, pc approved, white bread joke thread and I won't participate. I love sick jokes that make people cringe.
But... I apologize for those 2 jokes, maybe a bit much for the squeamish.
Maybe jokes like this are more suited for this thread...
My wife asked me 'if I died would you let another woman wear my clothes?' I said 'no, they're too big for her.'
My mother-in-law... ahhhh never mind, mild jokes are not worth the effort.
Minister of Truth
Practically Perfect
I learned Crash's first joke in middle school. That pretty much tells you all you need to know about it's level of depravity. Well done, Crash!!
cancel2 2022
Canceled
Oh well, in for a penny in for a pound!
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
USFREEDOM911
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN
A guy is sitting in a bar, when this lady of the evening sets her sights on him.
She goes up, sit's down on the bar stool next to him, and says "Buy a lady a drink?"
The guy looks at her and figures out right away what's happening here; but he goes "Sure; but let me have a look at what you've got up under that skirt."
She goes "OK." and lifts her skirt.
He takes a look and say's "It's a wonder" and buys her a drink.
They both sit there having small talk and again she asks him "Buy a lady a drink?"
He goes "Why not; but let me have a look up under that skirt again">
She complies, he takes a look and again comments "It's a wonder." and buys her another drink.
Time and the evening goes on and she again asks him "Buy a lady a drink?"
Once again he say's he wants to look up under her skirt again.
This time she's blushing and picks up her skirt. He again states "It's a wonder" and buys here a drink.
She decides to see where this is heading and asks him, "What do you mean, when I lift my skirt and you way it's a wonder?"
He looks at her and says "Lady, it's a wonder your guts don't fall out."
She goes up, sit's down on the bar stool next to him, and says "Buy a lady a drink?"
The guy looks at her and figures out right away what's happening here; but he goes "Sure; but let me have a look at what you've got up under that skirt."
She goes "OK." and lifts her skirt.
He takes a look and say's "It's a wonder" and buys her a drink.
They both sit there having small talk and again she asks him "Buy a lady a drink?"
He goes "Why not; but let me have a look up under that skirt again">
She complies, he takes a look and again comments "It's a wonder." and buys her another drink.
Time and the evening goes on and she again asks him "Buy a lady a drink?"
Once again he say's he wants to look up under her skirt again.
This time she's blushing and picks up her skirt. He again states "It's a wonder" and buys here a drink.
She decides to see where this is heading and asks him, "What do you mean, when I lift my skirt and you way it's a wonder?"
He looks at her and says "Lady, it's a wonder your guts don't fall out."
cancel2 2022
Canceled
I am going to hell but I'll take a few with me!
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
Canceled.2014.1
New member
A cop making his rounds sees a couple of seniors making out on a bench at the edge of a park. He starts to go over when he sees them get up and start getting even friskier standing between the bench and a fence.
Before the cop could do anything, the man lifted the woman's skirt and started to slowly make love to her. Just as the cop was about to yell at them, they started flailing and moaning in the most passionate display he had ever seen. Considering their age, he decided to let them have their fun.
The cop was in awe if the man's stamina as they continued to flail, moan and grind away at each other. When they finally broke their embrace the cop called the man over. He was clearly on the verge of total exhaustion, so the cop let him sit on the bench.
"I know you guys are older, but I am impressed by that display" he said to the man. The man looked up at him and said "I was happy just to be able to get it up and in. Then she got tangled up in that electric fence and things are a blur after that".
Before the cop could do anything, the man lifted the woman's skirt and started to slowly make love to her. Just as the cop was about to yell at them, they started flailing and moaning in the most passionate display he had ever seen. Considering their age, he decided to let them have their fun.
The cop was in awe if the man's stamina as they continued to flail, moan and grind away at each other. When they finally broke their embrace the cop called the man over. He was clearly on the verge of total exhaustion, so the cop let him sit on the bench.
"I know you guys are older, but I am impressed by that display" he said to the man. The man looked up at him and said "I was happy just to be able to get it up and in. Then she got tangled up in that electric fence and things are a blur after that".
USFREEDOM911
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN
What's the last thing a pubic hair hears, before hitting the ground?
P-tu (spitting)
USFREEDOM911
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN
USFREEDOM911
MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN
What does a woman have, if she's got nuts on her walls?
WALLNUTS
What does a womn have, if she's got nuts on her chest of drawers?
CHESTNUTS
What does a woman have, if she's got nuts on her chin?
A mouth full of dick
WALLNUTS
What does a womn have, if she's got nuts on her chest of drawers?
CHESTNUTS
What does a woman have, if she's got nuts on her chin?
A mouth full of dick
apple0154
MEOW
Mott the Hoople
Sweet Jane
A leper walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink.
The bartender walks over, hands him the drink, takes one look, places his hand over his mouth and starts to gag.
The leper says "Hey buddy, I know I'm hideous to look at so don't look at me and you won't get sick."
The bartender nods his head and walks away.
A few minutes later the leper finishes his drink and orders another.
The bartender walks over with his drink, sets it down and again puts his hand over his mouth and starts to gag.
The leper gets annoyed and says "Look dude, I told you not to look at me and you won't get sick, ok?"
The bartender, looking very green, nods his head and walks away.
A little time goes by and the leper orders another drink.
Again, the bartender sets his drink in front of him, puts his hand over his mouth and violenlty gags.
The leper is really annoyed now and says to the bartender "God damnit I told you not to look at me!"
The bartender, masters his gagging momentarily to say
"Dude, looking at you isn't making me sick. It's the lady next to you who keeps dipping her chips into your elbow!"
The bartender walks over, hands him the drink, takes one look, places his hand over his mouth and starts to gag.
The leper says "Hey buddy, I know I'm hideous to look at so don't look at me and you won't get sick."
The bartender nods his head and walks away.
A few minutes later the leper finishes his drink and orders another.
The bartender walks over with his drink, sets it down and again puts his hand over his mouth and starts to gag.
The leper gets annoyed and says "Look dude, I told you not to look at me and you won't get sick, ok?"
The bartender, looking very green, nods his head and walks away.
A little time goes by and the leper orders another drink.
Again, the bartender sets his drink in front of him, puts his hand over his mouth and violenlty gags.
The leper is really annoyed now and says to the bartender "God damnit I told you not to look at me!"
The bartender, masters his gagging momentarily to say
"Dude, looking at you isn't making me sick. It's the lady next to you who keeps dipping her chips into your elbow!"
Let me join in, though mine will be somewhat milder. 
A preacher was baptizing a group of his parishioners at the creek when a drunk staggers down the bank into the crowd. The preacher grabs the drunk, dunks him under the water and says, "Have you found Jesus sir?" The drunk replies, "No." The preacher dunks him under again, holding him under a little longer and says, "Have you found Jesus sir!" The drunk replies, "No..," this time gasping for breath. The preacher dunks him again, holding him under even longer, bring him up and says, "HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS, SIR!!!!" The drunk, about to pass out replies breathlessly, "No, but are you sure this is where he fell in?"
A preacher was baptizing a group of his parishioners at the creek when a drunk staggers down the bank into the crowd. The preacher grabs the drunk, dunks him under the water and says, "Have you found Jesus sir?" The drunk replies, "No." The preacher dunks him under again, holding him under a little longer and says, "Have you found Jesus sir!" The drunk replies, "No..," this time gasping for breath. The preacher dunks him again, holding him under even longer, bring him up and says, "HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS, SIR!!!!" The drunk, about to pass out replies breathlessly, "No, but are you sure this is where he fell in?"
A 93 year old lady had lost her husband of 75 years. Her granddaughter wanted to know the secret to her grandparent's long life so the little old lady explained, "We worked hard during our youth, played hard and loved much all of our lives. Ever since your grandfather retired we made love every Sunday to the rhythm of the ringing church bell. In fact that is what we were doing when he died." "Oh my," the granddaughter replied, "it just became too much for him?" Grandma answered, "No, I really think things would have been fine if that ice cream truck hadn't gone by the house."