“While speculating on medical issues is an ill-advised practice, The Root has spoken with several medical professionals who offered a number of diagnoses, including:
Mitch McConnellitis: An infection caused by the Senate Majority Leader’s head being stuck up Trump’s ass.
Copping Tunnel Syndrome: A common condition caused by repeatedly grabbing women by the … let’s just call it “copping a feel.”
Lie-abetes: Most people don’t know that excessive bullshitting can damage the bullshituitary gland, which secretes the hormone that causes pathological lying.
Gonorrhea: I mean, he does like to have unprotected sex with porn stars.
Russian Influence-za: An STD caused by fellating a Russian dictator. There are only two known cures. An experimental drug called “Kremlinsulin” and a more traditional medical procedure called “impeaching the motherfucker.”
