The difference between the North and the South

DamnYankee

DamnYankee

Loyal to the end
The difference between the North and the South - clearly
explained...

The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General .

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses .

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has .45's

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .

The North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens .

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish .

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt .

Northern zoos have exotic animals in cages and a plaque that describes
the creature's natural habitat.

Southern zoos have exotic animals in cages and a plaque that describes
the creature's natural habitat, and a second plaque with a recipe card.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . ..


In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in
a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to
help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store... Do
not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is
plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use
it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All are in denial
about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
DO NOT ENUNCIATE!!

Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' get out of the way.
These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If an accumulation of snow is predicted, proceed immediately to the grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they
are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is
to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear
children, they are not Southerners. If the cat had kittens
in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.
Click to expand...
from an email...

My favorite in bold.
 
Southern Man said:
from an email...

My favorite in bold.
Click to expand...

As someone who moved from the North to Texas, my two favorites are:

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
DO NOT ENUNCIATE!!

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' get out of the way.
These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

But the one about knives and guns is SO true!

When I first moved here, I kept a knife by my chair just in case, now I keep a gun...
 
charver said:
You make it sound like there are lots of people who'd want to kill you, or something, SM. :)
Click to expand...

Are you surprised, Charver?



SM, you would do well to remember:

"AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear
children, they are not Southerners. If the cat had kittens
in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits."

And, of course, neither are yankees who relocated.


:)
 
WinterBorn said:
Are you surprised, Charver?



SM, you would do well to remember:

"AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear
children, they are not Southerners. If the cat had kittens
in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits."

And, of course, neither are yankees who relocated.


:)
Click to expand...
You seem to think these jokes are truisms. LOL
 
I've read this one before, but will add one from another such list:

If a driver in the South has a turn signal on, he probably bought the car that way.

This seems to be true. In my experience, a Texas turn signal consists of the driver slamming the brakes on in the middle of the road for no apparent reason, regardless of other traffic approaching or following, and then, perhaps, just perhaps, turning on the signal once the turn has been partly completed.
 
Southern Man said:
You seem to think these jokes are truisms. LOL
Click to expand...

Just because these are jokes does not mean there is no truth in them.

The one about moving south and having kids is a joke. Your kids will be southern. But moving south as an adult, well......thats a different matter.
 
WinterBorn said:
Just because these are jokes does not mean there is no truth in them.

The one about moving south and having kids is a joke. Your kids will be southern. But moving south as an adult, well......thats a different matter.
Click to expand...
That's your opinion. In my opinion you ain't a southerner because you're a liberal.
 
Thorn said:
I've read this one before, but will add one from another such list:

If a driver in the South has a turn signal on, he probably bought the car that way.

This seems to be true. In my experience, a Texas turn signal consists of the driver slamming the brakes on in the middle of the road for no apparent reason, regardless of other traffic approaching or following, and then, perhaps, just perhaps, turning on the signal once the turn has been partly completed.
Click to expand...
Try driving in Boston; his "signal" will be his middle finger.
 
WinterBorn said:
Just because these are jokes does not mean there is no truth in them.

The one about moving south and having kids is a joke. Your kids will be southern. But moving south as an adult, well......thats a different matter.
Click to expand...

Very true. A friend of mine from here is now packing to move back to NY State. She says that even after being here for 30 years, she and her husband still don't feel that they belong. And they've immersed themselves in the activities here. She's made many, many friends who are going to sorely miss her, me included, but she's so happy to be going home that we just can't be too sad for her.
 
charver said:
In many ways, you do remind me of Jesus though.

I'd steer clear of Romans, just to be on the safe side.
Click to expand...
The Southern Man gratiously accepts your compliment.

The Romans have been instrumental in bringing Christ to the world, and have re-canted their ancient idolatry religions for The Truth and Good News.
 
Southern Man said:
The Southern Man gratiously accepts your compliment.

The Romans have been instrumental in bringing Christ to the world, and have re-canted their ancient idolatry religions for The Truth and Good News.
Click to expand...

Yeah, i thought it was great that they contributed to his yearbook and that.

Mind you, if he ever does get round to keeping his appointment to return (bloody tradesman, eh?) i think he'd still maintain a wide berth when passing the Rome branch of Home Depot.
 
charver said:
Yeah, i thought it was great that they contributed to his yearbook and that.

Mind you, if he ever does get round to keeping his appointment to return (bloody tradesman, eh?) i think he'd still maintain a wide berth when passing the Rome branch of Home Depot.
Click to expand...
I would prefer to be taken before He comes again, but if not I will be His faithful soldier.
 
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