The difference between the North and the South
- Thread starter DamnYankee
- Start date
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
I hope you get a smart uniform?
It would be a right pain if you had to flounce around in a white caftan and sandals.
W
WinterBorn
Guest
Its part of the south. If you weren't born here you will never truly be southern in a lot of people's eyes.
But then, there are lots of places like that. A couple of New England states think that way too.
DamnYankee
Loyal to the end
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4
W
WinterBorn
Guest
"Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me."
Matthew 25:45
Matthew 25:45
charver
You lookin' at my pint?
You don't know the uniform policy then?
Fair enough, i suppose. And if you get comfort from another chap's rod i say best of luck to you.
DamnYankee
Loyal to the end
LOL
FUCK THE POLICE
911 EVERY DAY
TLDR
Minister of Truth
Practically Perfect
That's a funny thing about Catholics - we'd all prefer not to live in the end times, whereas all of those Evangelicals seem to live only for the end times.
Anyway, I liked all of the Northern traits on the list better than the Southern traits, except for the Rust vs. Bible Belt one. On the other hand, the Northern state of Wisconsin is certainly a Bible Belt state that is filled to the brim with churches... I also love PROPER grammar, which is in short supply everywhere.
FUCK THE POLICE
911 EVERY DAY
Fixed grammatical errors.
Minister of Truth
Practically Perfect
DamnYankee
Loyal to the end
Of course, the opposite is true.
DamnYankee
Loyal to the end
Mott the Hoople
Sweet Jane
You ever been to Detroit? LOLYou make it sound like there are lots of people who'd want to kill you, or something, SM.
Mott the Hoople
Sweet Jane
Some more differances I have noticed are;
In the south you have soda. In the north we have pop.
In the south you have corn on the cob. In the north we have sweet corn.
In the north we have road side stands where you can buy all varieties of fresh garden produce. In the south you have road side stands where you can buy boiled peanuts, cigerrettes, toilet water and fish that talk.
During dear season in the north the deer out number the hunters. In the south the hunters out number the deer.
In the north it's considered sporting to hunt deer with primitive weapons like bows and muzzle loaders. In the south it's considered sporting to hunt them with an M-1 Abrams.
In the north deer camp is an excuse to get away from the wife and kids for a week of drinking. In the south they actually hunt deer at deer camp, dont drink much, and the craziest guy at the camp is ussually the preacher.
In the north church ussually lasts an hour followed by brunch at Bob Evans. In the south, Church can last all day and they often bring food with them.
In the north, we eat pork chops, pork roast, bacon and ribs. In the south they eat the whole damned pig.
In the north we have "hog roasts" in the south they have "pig pickens".
In the north people with broad vocabularies are considered erudite, articulate and educated. In the south they are considered pretentious snobs.
In the north we build cars. In the south, they drive cars, sometimes even on the road.
In the North "I-80" designates an Insterstate Highway. In the south "I-95" indicates the speed limit.
The north has bourbon. The south has sour mash.
In the north a station wagon is a family car. In the south its a mobile home.
In the north they drive mini-vans. In the south they drive SUV's.
In the south you have soda. In the north we have pop.
In the south you have corn on the cob. In the north we have sweet corn.
In the north we have road side stands where you can buy all varieties of fresh garden produce. In the south you have road side stands where you can buy boiled peanuts, cigerrettes, toilet water and fish that talk.
During dear season in the north the deer out number the hunters. In the south the hunters out number the deer.
In the north it's considered sporting to hunt deer with primitive weapons like bows and muzzle loaders. In the south it's considered sporting to hunt them with an M-1 Abrams.
In the north deer camp is an excuse to get away from the wife and kids for a week of drinking. In the south they actually hunt deer at deer camp, dont drink much, and the craziest guy at the camp is ussually the preacher.
In the north church ussually lasts an hour followed by brunch at Bob Evans. In the south, Church can last all day and they often bring food with them.
In the north, we eat pork chops, pork roast, bacon and ribs. In the south they eat the whole damned pig.
In the north we have "hog roasts" in the south they have "pig pickens".
In the north people with broad vocabularies are considered erudite, articulate and educated. In the south they are considered pretentious snobs.
In the north we build cars. In the south, they drive cars, sometimes even on the road.
In the North "I-80" designates an Insterstate Highway. In the south "I-95" indicates the speed limit.
The north has bourbon. The south has sour mash.
In the north a station wagon is a family car. In the south its a mobile home.
In the north they drive mini-vans. In the south they drive SUV's.
Last edited:
W
WinterBorn
Guest
The differences between the North & South football traditions.
Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara,and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America .
Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani.
SOUTH: Herschel Walker & Peyton Manning.
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution, and put name on a waiting list for tickets.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk
right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the
state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team. (...and refer to BAMA as "The Good Guys"!)
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.
HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
At VANDERBILT: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.
At GEORGIA : It takes two, one to change the bulb and one to stabilize the rolling beer cooler the bulb changer is using for a ladder.
At FLORIDA : It takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.
At ALABAMA : It takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.
At OLE MISS: It takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU: It takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours.
At KENTUCKY : It takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE : It takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lamp shade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama .
At MISSISSIPPI STATE : It takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".
At AUBURN : It takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama and Georgia, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA : It takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.
At ARKANSAS : None. There is no electricity in Arkansas
Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically different than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South, here are some helpful hints.
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara,and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America .
Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani.
SOUTH: Herschel Walker & Peyton Manning.
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus, make a large financial contribution, and put name on a waiting list for tickets.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast from their campus.
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band, who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk
right in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the
state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for bourbon.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team. (...and refer to BAMA as "The Good Guys"!)
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next week's game.
HOW MANY SEC STUDENTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
At VANDERBILT: It takes two, one to change the bulb and one more to explain how they did it every bit as good as the bulbs changed at Harvard.
At GEORGIA : It takes two, one to change the bulb and one to stabilize the rolling beer cooler the bulb changer is using for a ladder.
At FLORIDA : It takes four, one to screw in the bulb and three to figure out how to get stoned off the old one.
At ALABAMA : It takes five, one to change it, three to reminisce about how The Bear would have done it, and one to throw the old bulb at an NCAA investigator.
At OLE MISS: It takes six, one to change it, two to mix the drinks and three to find the perfect J. Crew outfit to wear for the occasion.
At LSU: It takes seven, and each one gets credit for five Semester hours.
At KENTUCKY : It takes eight, one to screw it in and seven to discuss how much brighter it seems to shine during basketball season.
At TENNESSEE : It takes ten, two to figure out how to screw it in, two to buy an orange lamp shade, and six to phone a radio call-in show and talk about how much they hate Alabama .
At MISSISSIPPI STATE : It takes fifteen, one to screw in the bulb, two to buy the Skoal, and twelve to yell, "GO TO HELL, OLE MISS".
At AUBURN : It takes one hundred, one to change it, forty-nine to talk about how they did it better than at Bama and Georgia, and fifty to get drunk and roll Toomer's Corner when finished.
At SOUTH CAROLINA : It takes 80,000, one to screw it in and 79,999 to discuss how this finally will be the year that they have a decent football team.
At ARKANSAS : None. There is no electricity in Arkansas
Mott the Hoople
Sweet Jane
Well at least you got the last one right. 