The finest man I ever met

evince

evince

Truthmatters
On Tuesday July first 2008 near 11:00 am the finest man I ever met died. He was surrounded by his children who knew they had the honor of having a father who was everything a father could ever be to a child.

He left. His pain was over. His legacy will never be over. My son bears his name proudly.

He lived a wonderful life. He started out life in the years before WWII. His mother and father realized shortly after he was born that they were not well matched to live a life together and he stayed with his mother in Long Beach while his father moved back home to the south. He began his life as the child of a single mother. A few years later his mother met a sailor and fell in love. They married and had a child. He was now a big brother to a baby boy. the war was in full swing and her love went to sea. He was a good man and a good sailor but the war took him when his ship had an explosion. She again was a single mother and He found himself as the man of the family while still a boy. He grew tall and strong. He was a very bright boy and a very good son. His mother met another and he again had a new father. In high school he met a bright, bubbly and well grounded young woman who's beauty stole his heart. His new father was a decent man but in that day many men felt college could not teach a young man what he needed in life. The tall handsome young man made a choice. He would join the military. He ended up choosing the Airforce. He would leave behind all he knew, His professional dancing job, his mother and father and even the beautiful young love of his life. He went to boot camp and counted the days that he could send for his love so they could immediately marry and begin their lives.

Finally the day came and she flew to him and they went from the airport to the court house and their lives began. With a station here and a new child there they built their family. They lived in Puerto Rico, Maine, Nebraska to name a few and all the while they concentrated on the four childern who were the porduct of their love. The childern grew up strong and bright. When it came time to retire they choose their old stomping grounds of Southern California to settle. He got a good job that paid very well due to his record of excellance in the military. Just when it seemed life could get no better their 18 year old third son was diagnosed with Lymphoma. The young man fought hard but the cancer refused to yeild and they lost him just when a parent should be helping him plan his future instead of planning his funneral. They helped their three remaining childern through the pain and pushed on. They sent them all to college and retired. They decided to sell everything and pack a couple of suit cases and travel the world. They were freewheeling it and went where ever their hearts desired. Being retired airforce they could travel in excess seating anywhere the airforce went. They saw every continent and more than most people in the world can ever dream of. It took six years to tame their wonderlust fever. To their childerns delight they chose to settle down just a little and bought a condo by the beach and made sure there was plenty of room for everyone to come visit.

Their home became everyones favorite place to visit for family and friends alike. They enjoyed a little bit of settling down but still would have to occasionally wander off to Hawaii or Mexico or some other fun jaunt. Two years ago they were parted by cancer. He did for her everything he could and made her passing as comfortable as possible. He helped his childern once again through the great loss. He busied himself with redoing the condo while trying to figure out how to live life without her. He ended up finding himself volunteering at the local estuary. It took his new friends there little time to realize what an asset he was. In just over a year they had fallen in love with his wit, kindness, ability to do and learn anything they set in front of him. He became a favorite working partner of the man who is considered the US's formost authority on wetlands. One day he noticed he was having trouble breathing and took some time off. It got worse instead of better and went to the Dr. This is when his family began to realize they would have to face his mortality.

He went down hill very quickly and left us far too soon for our liking. He lived such a full life we cant complain much but must learn to live without the finest man any of us have ever met.
 
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My sincerest condolences for you and your family. But you must be proud to have known such a remarkable man. I cannot offer any words that will lessen your grief. But I hope it passes soon. And I hope you all cherish his memory.
 
Desh, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. What you wrote was beautiful, you should print it out on appropriate stationary and display it at whatever service you're having. I wrote something similar for both my mom and dad, the kids all got copies and they are in picture frames in their rooms.

(In the second to last paragraph you spelled, 'new', 'knew' referring to his friends. Doesn't take away anything, just if you are going to print it out for your son, husband, nieces, etc. )

Again my condolences.
 
Thanks guys, I was very proud to know him. Thanks Kathy , I fixed it. You have a good idea there ,maybe Ill have the family help me flesh it out with the things I dont know and do what you sugested.
 
a11n, its someone sharing a loss with people she knows.

If you don't have anything nice to say, how about just leaving this thread alone. Some threads are fine for trolling. This isn't one of those. Have a little human decency when someone speaks about the loss of a loved one.


Sorry Desh, but I hate it when people step into a serious personal thread and play the ass.
 
Hey Its OK Sol, if I didnt realize it would happen I would not have posted this thread here.

I really do it mostly to give myself a chance to internalize what has happened. The Man doesnt want any memorial or anything. We are keeping with his wishes and are only going to have a bench with a brass plate on it place in the estuary with his and his wifes name on it. He did not specify that we could not have a bench dedication ceremony. He would have gotten a kick about our creativiness on that one. The grandkids really need a place to go and sit to think about what has happened. Its an estuary so I have told them they can pick a big leaf and write a note to him and leave it on the bench whenever they visit it.
 
Desh said:
Hey Its OK Sol, if I didnt realize it would happen I would not have posted this thread here.

I really do it mostly to give myself a chance to internalize what has happened. The Man doesnt want any memorial or anything. We are keeping with his wishes and are only going to have a bench with a brass plate on it place in the estuary with his and his wifes name on it. He did not specify that we could not have a bench dedication ceremony. He would have gotten a kick about our creativiness on that one. The grandkids really need a place to go and sit to think about what has happened. Its an estuary so I have told them they can pick a big leaf and write a note to him and leave it on the bench whenever they visit it.
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What a great memorial. Well done, Desh. I sure he would be proud.
 
I have to admitt Im patting myself on the back for thinking of the bench, the bench dedication ceremony and the leaf notes. It has really helped the family deal with meeting his wishes and their emotional needs.

pat, pat
 
My father died in '04. When his father had died in '81, he called each of his sons over to the casket one by one. I thought it would be some profound wisdom passed from father to son. Dad said "Looks pretty good for dead, don't he". I didn't realize he had said the same thing to my brothers until the day of Dad's funeral. My brother and I looked at him and then at each other and said "looks pretty good for dead, don't he" at the same time. Its sounds trivial, but it was a good laugh when we needed one.

My Dad had a great sense of humor. He once shaved one eyebrow to see who noticed. He was usually the butt of his own jokes, so people were never sure how to take him.

4 years after Dad died and 11 since Mom died and I still miss them. The pain isn't there, but I still get the urge to call them when something happens. We missed them at both of my son's graduations. But they were there in another way.
 
Desh said:
Thanks guys, I was very proud to know him. Thanks Kathy , I fixed it. You have a good idea there ,maybe Ill have the family help me flesh it out with the things I dont know and do what you sugested.
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You're quite welcome. Your father-in-law sounds like one in a million. If any friends, family, etc., are going to speak, ask them to write their remembrances out. Afterwards you may type them up and give them to those that cared about him. We did this for my dad, his friends were very grateful. Not only that, but sometimes because of emotion, what was wanted to be said, well it may not come out or be understood. This way, they know his family heard what they wanted to say.

It sounds like we shared some luck in relatives. My parents funerals both ended up being celebrations, weird to say, but true. My daughter sang, my nieces did eulogies, my sons and nephews readings. It's been nearly a year since my dad died, people still remind me of how nice a ceremony it was.

Not to be facetious, but I hope my kids' weddings turn out as well.
 
Solitary said:
My father died in '04. When his father had died in '81, he called each of his sons over to the casket one by one. I thought it would be some profound wisdom passed from father to son. Dad said "Looks pretty good for dead, don't he". I didn't realize he had said the same thing to my brothers until the day of Dad's funeral. My brother and I looked at him and then at each other and said "looks pretty good for dead, don't he" at the same time. Its sounds trivial, but it was a good laugh when we needed one.

My Dad had a great sense of humor. He once shaved one eyebrow to see who noticed. He was usually the butt of his own jokes, so people were never sure how to take him.

4 years after Dad died and 11 since Mom died and I still miss them. The pain isn't there, but I still get the urge to call them when something happens. We missed them at both of my son's graduations. But they were there in another way.
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I love self deprecating humor. I call it the lost art of humor in this current world we live in. Its always good to laugh at a funneral and especially when the person in honor was a cut up. When my FIL was on his death bed someone siad something funny (I cant even remember it) and after everyone laughed there was a silence. I said " dont be affraid to laugh ,your laugher is a good thing for him to hear right now". We all knew it may be the last time he would hear the laugher of his childern and it was a little comforting to know he heard it at least one last time. He was the kind of man who would have understood the healing power of humor.

Your Dads sounds like he was my kind of guy.
 
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Kathianne said:
You're quite welcome. Your father-in-law sounds like one in a million. If any friends, family, etc., are going to speak, ask them to write their remembrances out. Afterwards you may type them up and give them to those that cared about him. We did this for my dad, his friends were very grateful. Not only that, but sometimes because of emotion, what was wanted to be said, well it may not come out or be understood. This way, they know his family heard what they wanted to say.

It sounds like we shared some luck in relatives. My parents funerals both ended up being celebrations, weird to say, but true. My daughter sang, my nieces did eulogies, my sons and nephews readings. It's been nearly a year since my dad died, people still remind me of how nice a ceremony it was.

Not to be facetious, but I hope my kids' weddings turn out as well.
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He could tell a great story and we used to try to prod him at family gatherings to tell us a story about something that he did during his life. He had great timing and a real sense of what detail made the story compelling. I did sugest to people to write down in their own words your favorite stories that he told. I figured we could all trade notes and then make a book about his stories from our individual memories and give everyone a copy. That way his great sories live forever and can be passed down.


I think your hope of a wedding as loving and enjoyable is wonderful and is just what I hope we can make of his "bench dedication ceremony".
 
Desh said:
He could tell a great story and we used to try to prod him at family gatherings to tell us a story about something that he did during his life. He had great timing and a real sense of what detail made the story compelling. I did sugest to people to write down in their own words your favorite stories that he told. I figured we could all trade notes and then make a book about his stories from our individual memories and give everyone a copy. That way his great sories live forever and can be passed down.


I think your hope of a wedding as loving and enjoyable is wonderful and is just what I hope we can make of his "bench dedication ceremony".
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A book is a great idea! I don't think I could pull it together for August 27, the day he died. Christmas might be an idea, all of his friends that spoke, well I sent them all floral arrangements last year, he always sent them to 'their better halves,' so I thought it was appropriate. Of course he got the idea from my mom, "You guys spend so much time together, help their wives out, they'll resent you less." LOL! My dad's friends were all 25-30 years younger than him, they were from AA. Maybe this year I'll just buy arrangements and send the book too. Thanks Desh!
 
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