who has experienced a death in the family

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i recently lossed my brother. i don't talk it about it much, i figured "life" happens....it does affect me more than i care to admit.

my mom has gone to group hospice and she says it is valuable, not the answer, nor will anything ever be the answer, but it helps....

anyone have any experience with hospice? or experience with a death in the family.
 
Yurt said:
i recently lossed my brother. i don't talk it about it much, i figured "life" happens....it does affect me more than i care to admit.

my mom has gone to group hospice and she says it is valuable, not the answer, nor will anything ever be the answer, but it helps....

anyone have any experience with hospice? or experience with a death in the family.
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Not like that man. I'm really sorry to hear that.

I think celebrating his life is the best testament to his legacy, but I can't say that first hand.
 
Yurt said:
i recently lossed my brother. i don't talk it about it much, i figured "life" happens....it does affect me more than i care to admit.

my mom has gone to group hospice and she says it is valuable, not the answer, nor will anything ever be the answer, but it helps....

anyone have any experience with hospice? or experience with a death in the family.
Click to expand...

I've had several to deal with.
It's been almost 10 years, since my mom died, and it gets easier to deal with, as the years go by.
She was in a hospice, towards the end, and they made her last days a lot more comfortable.

My condolances.
 
I had a close friend die about 15 years ago. It was a suicide. I was talking with his widow and saying I was angry or frustrated because I wanted answers. She sent me a card with a simple bit of wisdom.

I don't have an answer
There may not be an answer
That is the only answer


Grief is a process. Its not something you deal with and then put away. Women have the advantage of being able to be emotional. And they have the advantage of friends with whom they can discuss something that bothers them, and the friends don't have to solve the problem, just listen. We men don't have that. and we are wired towards finding a solution.

There is no solution. There is life. There is death. There is grief. And there is continued life. Beefy probably offered the best outlook. Getting there is tough. Let yourself cry (even if you're all alone). When my Mom died years ago, I kept waiting for the tears. They didn't come right away. But they came one night and I couldn't stop. It took a long time, but I felt better.

I still miss her. But I stopped grieving for her death.

What you are feeling is normal. Don't keep it bottled up. Live your life, but remember his as well.

My deepest sympathies, Yurt.
 
all my grandparents are dead. One died in a car crash. I was semi close to my grandmother but in the last 2 years of her life she was basically not the same person, she didn't even know who i was so i considered her dead two years prior.

Random uncles and aunts.
 
Yurt said:
i recently lossed my brother. i don't talk it about it much, i figured "life" happens....it does affect me more than i care to admit.

my mom has gone to group hospice and she says it is valuable, not the answer, nor will anything ever be the answer, but it helps....

anyone have any experience with hospice? or experience with a death in the family.
Click to expand...

Remember that there are no rules to grieving. Having someone to talk to is very healthy, whether it be trained hospice workers, a pastor, or a friend. Not sure about your faith, but that's another way to understand death.

I am sorry for your loss Yurt. Was he an older or younger brother? How did he die?
 
Yurt said:
i recently lossed my brother. i don't talk it about it much, i figured "life" happens....it does affect me more than i care to admit.

my mom has gone to group hospice and she says it is valuable, not the answer, nor will anything ever be the answer, but it helps....

anyone have any experience with hospice? or experience with a death in the family.
Click to expand...
Did you and your brother ever have plans for a trip or an adventure or activity like going on a road trip somewhere special like going to the World Series or a bike trip to Sturgis? Something like that?

A couple of years ago my 35 year old cousin died of a heart attack. Left behind two kids. He was a big NASCAR fan and he and I had talked many a time about going to the Michigan race together but you know how things go? You never seem to get around to it. A year after he died I borrowed his Rusty Wallace hat from his older brother and he and I finally went to that race in Michigan. I felt a lot better after our trip together.
 
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Brother, wife's parents, several friends....

Hospice is wonderful....brother in law's aunt was passing from cancer.....hospital had interpreted her living will in such a way that they weren't giving her adequate pain killers, she was screaming in her sleep.....they wouldn't listen to my brother in law who was her closest surviving relative........local Hospice stepped in and resolved problem....she ended up passing peacefully....
 
Mott the Hoople said:
Did you and your brother ever have plans for a trip or an adventure or activity like going on a road trip somewhere special like going to the World Series or a bike trip to Sturgis? Something like that?

A couple of years ago my 35 year old cousin died of a heart attack. Left behind two kids. He was a big NASCAR fan and he and I had talked many a time about going to the Michigan race together but you know how things go? You never seem to get around to it. A year after he died I borrowed his Rusty Wallace hat from his older brother and he and I finally went to that race in Michigan. I felt a lot better after our trip together.
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I've lost a few. I have always found it difficult to grieve having been raised where boys don't cry. Funerals have a way of helping. The family get together, the ham sarnis, the booze and the laughs over past nonsenses.
The best for me is to do a reading, Christina Rosetti or Dylan Thomas being two of my faves. I think I see it as something of a final gift, y'know, a message from my heart to theirs.
But a friend committed suicide nearly a year ago. Her family refused to accept it and she was 'despatched' in relative secrecy. No one outside the immediate family was permitted to attend the funeral. I believe that shame outweighed sadness. Difficult to come to terms with. No chance to say good bye. So now I can say it before this strange part of the world.
Ta-ra Catherine. You were a cracker. Too beautiful in life for this earth but perfect for wherever you are now.
 
Yurt said:
anyone have any experience with hospice? or experience with a death in the family.
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Both.

Check out grief counseling if the emotional stress ever gets to you. A lot of us dudes don’t like to admit crap like that can mess with our heads, but it’s well worth the time and effort.
 
Lowaicue said:
I've lost a few. I have always found it difficult to grieve having been raised where boys don't cry. Funerals have a way of helping. The family get together, the ham sarnis, the booze and the laughs over past nonsenses.
The best for me is to do a reading, Christina Rosetti or Dylan Thomas being two of my faves. I think I see it as something of a final gift, y'know, a message from my heart to theirs.
But a friend committed suicide nearly a year ago. Her family refused to accept it and she was 'despatched' in relative secrecy. No one outside the immediate family was permitted to attend the funeral. I believe that shame outweighed sadness. Difficult to come to terms with. No chance to say good bye. So now I can say it before this strange part of the world.
Ta-ra Catherine. You were a cracker. Too beautiful in life for this earth but perfect for wherever you are now.
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Low:
Everything else aside.
They can't stop you from going to her gravesite and say your good-byes.
If she was cremated, then go to a spot that she loved or someplace that means something to the both of you and spend some time remembering and saying your farewells.

We each grieve in our own way.
Peace
 
Sorry for your losses, Yurt.

My best friend and his girlfriend both lost their dad's this summer, his to bad health, and hers got hit by an idiot Metro bus driver in downtown Seattle running a red light.

I am down to one grandparent, after my grandmother died two years ago two days after her 90th birthday (and one after my 21st). I recently got to see my other grandmother, and she seems in good health. Been very fraile for years now, but otherwise healthy.
 
Yurt said:
i recently lossed my brother. i don't talk it about it much, i figured "life" happens....it does affect me more than i care to admit.

my mom has gone to group hospice and she says it is valuable, not the answer, nor will anything ever be the answer, but it helps....

anyone have any experience with hospice? or experience with a death in the family.
Click to expand...

My heart and thoughts go out to you Yurt. Losing a family member, especially your brother, is devastating.

Hospice is wonderful. I can't think of a more caring and loving group.
 
man now im depressed :(

the father of a girl that i dated off and on for a while died. when it happened i was super pissed off at her and when i saw her one day i didn't say anything at all i basically ignored her. This ranks in top ten life regrets of being an asshole. Im total scum
 
Lowaicue said:
I've lost a few. I have always found it difficult to grieve having been raised where boys don't cry. Funerals have a way of helping. The family get together, the ham sarnis, the booze and the laughs over past nonsenses.
The best for me is to do a reading, Christina Rosetti or Dylan Thomas being two of my faves. I think I see it as something of a final gift, y'know, a message from my heart to theirs.
But a friend committed suicide nearly a year ago. Her family refused to accept it and she was 'despatched' in relative secrecy. No one outside the immediate family was permitted to attend the funeral. I believe that shame outweighed sadness. Difficult to come to terms with. No chance to say good bye. So now I can say it before this strange part of the world.
Ta-ra Catherine. You were a cracker. Too beautiful in life for this earth but perfect for wherever you are now.
Click to expand...

That is sad and terrible. People don't understand the hopelessness that would drive a person to suicide, instead believing it's a disgrace to the family name, or some such nonsense...really, a selfish viewpoint.

I'm sorry for your loss.
 
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