Why is it so awkward?

Rationalist

Rationalist

Hail Voltaire
I have a friend who recently came out as gay and I must confess the entire situation feels extremely awkward. I don't have a problem with him being gay, but frankly I don't know how to react to his sudden "revelation" - especially his new boyfriend. I'm probably going to see him this summer when I make my annual trip to Canada, but to be honest, I'm not interested in meeting his new boyfriend at all, nor hearing about his love life.

Has anyone else here found themselves in the same spot? How'd you deal with it?

:palm:
 
Just be honest with him. Tell him that you're a little uncomfortable wit this new revelation, and that even though you still want to hang out and be friends, it's gonna take some adjusting.
 
Voltaire said:
I have a friend who recently came out as gay and I must confess the entire situation feels extremely awkward. I don't have a problem with him being gay, but frankly I don't know how to react to his sudden "revelation" - especially his new boyfriend. I'm probably going to see him this summer when I make my annual trip to Canada, but to be honest, I'm not interested in meeting his new boyfriend at all, nor hearing about his love life.

Has anyone else here found themselves in the same spot? How'd you deal with it?

:palm:
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Your friend has created the situation of disequilibrium. It is up to him to put you at rest. Most people will want to know the hows and wherefores and I am sure he would be quite prepared to be open and frank with you.
If he isn't then he has made the decision to put his boyfriend above all else and the friendship will cool and in time disappear. After all we are all nought but ships that pass in the night. Enjoy the friendship while its there and when its not, don't chase it.
 
C'Thulhu said:
Just be honest with him. Tell him that you're a little uncomfortable wit this new revelation, and that even though you still want to hang out and be friends, it's gonna take some adjusting.
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I think you could have chosen something slightly better than 'hang out'.
 
Just don't let yourself overthink it. I bet when you meet up its gonna be exactly the same as it ever was. Its not like coming out of the closet suddenly turns people into Liberace. Its only an issue of you make it one.
 
Truly awkward was when I knocked on a friend's door to find him dressed up as a woman and telling me he wanted to get a sex change.

You have some time to get used to this. It really isn't that big of a deal, the dude is the same dude you've always known. He just didn't talk about his dudes before. You'll find all this worry to be useless when you finally do see him.
 
Voltaire said:
I have a friend who recently came out as gay and I must confess the entire situation feels extremely awkward. I don't have a problem with him being gay, but frankly I don't know how to react to his sudden "revelation" - especially his new boyfriend. I'm probably going to see him this summer when I make my annual trip to Canada, but to be honest, I'm not interested in meeting his new boyfriend at all, nor hearing about his love life.

Has anyone else here found themselves in the same spot? How'd you deal with it?

:palm:
Click to expand...

Just remember, when doing that introductory handshake, keep it prompt. Don't linger. :)
 
C'Thulhu said:
No, I'm pretty sure it's you who didn't get it this time.

So yes, another WHOOSH moment.
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Well this is what you said:

How so? I always hang out around my gay friends. And my straight friends. And my neighbors.

Your context would suggest that your meaning was literal. Do you know what a 'pun' is? Perhaps you are super subtle, but somehow I doubt it.
 
Lowaicue said:
Well this is what you said:

How so? I always hang out around my gay friends. And my straight friends. And my neighbors.

Your context would suggest that your meaning was literal. Do you know what a 'pun' is? Perhaps you are super subtle, but somehow I doubt it.
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Yes, I intended it to be literal, as I had assumed your original comment indicated that there may be confusion on the term 'hang out'. So therefore I decided to make a joke out of it, not so subtly hinting that I don't wear pants during my social engagements.
 
Maybe it's just me, but I feel a little awkward about this thread. By admitting this information makes you uncomfortable, aren't you basically saying you are a bigot? Why else would your friend's sexual lifestyle make you feel awkward? Is there something wrong with being openly gay? Are you afraid of what others may think about you, if you are seen out in public with your friend? Are you afraid his gayness will rub off on you? If gay people are just like everybody else, and there is nothing wrong with gay marriage, and we should all embrace gay rights, why would you possibly feel awkward? Did you wake up in 1950 or something?

I guess I just think it's an odd feeling to have, if you honestly believe homosexuality is okay and acceptable. It would be like me saying, my sister is coming to visit me, she's bringing her new husband, and I just found out, he is black... I feel awkward about having them at my house... How would that come across? Doesn't it sound like I might have a prejudice there?
 
Voltaire said:
I have a friend who recently came out as gay and I must confess the entire situation feels extremely awkward. I don't have a problem with him being gay, but frankly I don't know how to react to his sudden "revelation" - especially his new boyfriend. I'm probably going to see him this summer when I make my annual trip to Canada, but to be honest, I'm not interested in meeting his new boyfriend at all, nor hearing about his love life.

Has anyone else here found themselves in the same spot? How'd you deal with it?

:palm:
Click to expand...
LOL Yes....I have been in that boat. Here's the deal. If he's truly your friend and you truly care for him. Then accept it. Accept that he is gay and all that comes with it including his BF....it may turn out his BF is a decent sort too. Don't worry about things like hearing about his love life, he doesn't want to hear about yours either. He's going to be the same person you've always known and cared for. Nothing significant is going to change other then your perspective of him since he came out. Try not to let that ruin a good friendship.

Oh yea, my older brother came out of the closet about 10 years ago. It was hilarious cause he made a big deal out of coming out the closet and everyone and their brother all ready knew he was gay.
 
There is 'awkwardness' in most adult relationships. We get used to various human conditions and strive to attain a comfort relationship. This 'comfort' is threatened by unexpected behaviour. I doubt there are many for whom this does not apply. So its not gayness but unexpected change and the cognitive changes we must go through.
Several years ago I went to dinner with a good friend. As the meal was drawing to a close he asked if I would mind if we were joined by someone else. He introduced me to a young lady, 'this is x,' he said, 'I will tell [wife] that its all over and x and I are moving in together.'
Awkward? Bloody right it was awkward. He was still the same guy, but my knowledge and expectations of him had suddenly changed.
I was sitting at our local bar with a female friend just a few weeks ago. Suddenl she took from her handbag a packet of cigarettes and asked if I minded her smoking. In nearly 10 years I never knew she smoked!
I felt awkward because of a cognitive change.
So feel awkward when a friend's circumstances change. It's perfectly natural. There will be a period of adjustment and a reappraisal.
It's what we do as cognitive human beings.
 
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