Dixie - In Memoriam
New member
Through a series of recent liberal-conducted studies, it has been determined that most Americans are just plain dumb, and unfortunately, getting dumber. This alarmed me, because I always sort of prided myself in being informed and up-to-date on most topics of the day. I graduated high school at the top of my class, with a 4.0 GPA, and completed my degree in Psychology in less than three years, so I always had the impression I was fairly smart. So you can see how this revelation caught my attention.
Apparently, according to the explanations in their studies, the reason for this 'dumb-down' is the advent of Fox News. It is believed that, over time, those of us exposed daily to Fox News, or any program on the Fox News Network, are actually becoming dumber... and we never even realize this! What is even more sad is, we have the tools needed to prevent this, we are just too stupid to use them properly. The Internet is full of resources and information, but being the simple-minded morons we are, the only info we bother to read, are things we tend to agree with and like, and we tend to ignore opposing viewpoints and things we don't like. The result is, we are mired in our own stupidity, to the point that we shall never recover. Hopelessly spiraling down the stupid hole, becoming evermore stupid each day.
It doesn't have to be this way, folks! I am here to tell you how this can be the BEST day of your life! The day you start down the road to becoming as smart as a Liberal! Once you've realized how easy it is, you will wish you had known about this YEARS ago! Imagine, going to a party or orgy and actually being able to carry on an intelligent conversation with other liberals? Without having to look at your notes, knowing all the reasons everything bad in the universe is Bush's fault? Imagine being able to shut down all debate on any topic, by simply mentioning one word? Iraq! These and many other secrets are revealed in my 12-step program to become as smart as a Liberal!
Step 1: Accept that YOU are Dumb!
Many of us may be reluctant to do this at first, especially since we know what we know, and can't un-know it. What you have to do is, pretend everything you have ever learned from any source, was probably wrong if it contradicted Liberalism. So even though you might think you are very smart, you aren't. Before you can move forward, you must first accept that you are just plain stoopid, and you need help.
Step 2: Stop Watching Fox News
Before you can ever expect to gain ground in becoming as smart as a Liberal, you have to eliminate the source of your dumbness, which is Fox News. Again, there have been studies done and everything, man! They have charts and graphs to prove this, don't doubt it! Fox News is making you stupid, and dumber, and the sooner you can turn it off and not watch anymore, the better off you will be. Some may find this difficult at first, but MSNBC is a great substitute instead of going cold-turkey. Keep them in mind, if you have trouble weening off Fox News.
Step 3: Learn Your 'Trusted' Sources
I've mentioned MSNBC, but there are times when other news sources can be turned to for the truth. The key is to understanding that anything which appears to oppose a liberal viewpoint, is probably wrong-headed propaganda, and immediately dismiss it from your thoughts. HuffPo, DailyKOS, ThinkProgress... all great sources of information on a daily basis. They will not only keep you well-informed of the latest truths, but they will also provide you with daily subjects to talk about, which help to advance the liberal agenda. Liberal blog sites are especially helpful in broadening your smarts, because they are unbiased sources not beholden to the corporate media machine, and can tell the greatest truths. You should begin to understand these are your primary source for thought, and if it isn't being expressed in a liberal blog, it probably isn't very smart, and you should just avoid it.
Step 4: Defining your Liberal core principles
This is probably one of the easiest steps to take in becoming as smart as a Liberal. Most of us dumb people have thought that you need to have some core principles... things you have conviction and belief in, and the things you do and say, are a reflection of those. But with Liberalism it is very simple, the only true core conviction and principle, is to advance Liberalism. Ethics and moralities can take whatever form you need at any given time, or in any given argument, as long as they are used to advance the Liberal agenda, because Liberals are smart. If you should ever be in doubt of what to morally support, you can refer to your 'trusted sources' from above.
Step 5: Liberate Yourself from Responsibility and Consequence
One of the most rewarding aspects to becoming as smart as a Liberal, is how great it feels to dismiss yourself from all responsibility and consequence of your actions. Whatever Liberal viewpoint you have, can completely ignore these things, because you are now smarter than the average person. Dumb schmucks worry about consequences or personal responsibility. Once you have freed your thinking from these shackles, you can almost feel yourself becoming smarter! It is truly amazing.
Step 6: Debating The Dumb People
We're at Step 6, and this marks your half-way point to becoming as smart as a Liberal. It is an appropriate time to put what you've learned to use, in combating stupidity and dumbness. By now, you have all your "trusted sources" bookmarked, and know how to search their databases for any OP-Eds on virtually any topic concerning Liberals, but for now... stick to whatever the mantra of the day is. Jump in there amongst the stupid, and post a few links... call them stupid, and ridiculous... it will make you feel so much smarter to do that! They will, of course, TRY to refute your blog links and commentary, but just stick to your guns and keep posting more links! Remember, only your 'trusted sources' can be trusted... use that! If they post something that comes from another source, it's probably wrong. Many times, you can make them run away in shame of their stupidity, just by being persistent, so don't give up!
Step 7: Coping with Temptation
As you become smarter, your ego may cause you to think you can explore thought outside the realm of Liberalism, but you must resist this... it's completely natural, and something that every truly smart Liberal might have to deal with at some point in time. Don't let your faith in Liberalism be shaken, you know that Liberals are smart, and anything opposed to Liberalism has to be dumb. No matter how tempting it might be, to think outside the realm of Liberalism, you will never be able to become as smart as a Liberal this way. It can only lead to you becoming dumber!
Step 8: Dealing With Withdrawals
By now, you probably are missing Rush, Hannity, O'Reilly, or some similar nonsense, but you have to remember those are the things that were making you dumber. Replace these with Jon Stewart, Anderson Cooper, and Rachel Madcow, and you will be just fine! Heck, you almost can feel yourself becoming smarter while listening to Rachel speak!
Step 9: Reward your smart Liberal self with ice-cream and sex
Take time to pat yourself on the back for your success in becoming as smart as a Liberal! It's important to do that, because you are going to take a pounding daily by the dumb people with their dumb links to dumb points of view. Having to constantly squirm and wiggle your way around previous stands you've taken, which seem to be in complete contradiction to stances you are taking now... that takes it toll, even on the smartest of Liberals. The ice cream and sex can be used at the same time, or separate events, it's up to you.
Step 10: The Ultimate Smartness: Learn to Defy Logic!
Once your mind has soaked up enough Liberal smartness, you can learn certain argumentative elements and devices, that when used properly, will quite literally allow you to defy logic in order to establish your point of view. This is such a stunning and amazing feat, it often leaves your opponent speechless. If anything, they mutter something about how you defied logic... but you're all like, heck, it didn't seem all that hard to do.
Step 11: Broaden Your Horizons
Read stuff from people like Trotsky or Chomsky even... Alinsky... also read the works of Karl Marx. You can find a lot of useful quotes and quips for your debates with the dumb people. It makes them feel even dumber, and you even smarter, to quote someone who's name ends in "-sky"
Step 12: Proclaim Your Brilliance as a Liberal PROUDLY!
Make sure to spend every waking hour of every single day, proudly telling everyone how smart you are as a Liberal, and how dumb the rest of the world is! Remain defiantly arrogant with the dumb people, because they are too ignorant to understand anything else. They do not realize that Liberals are the smart people, and all others are dumb, and getting dumber. Until you have completed this 12-step process, you can never truly be as smart as a Liberal.
----
Presented as a public service to the dumb. All rights reserved by Dixie.
Apparently, according to the explanations in their studies, the reason for this 'dumb-down' is the advent of Fox News. It is believed that, over time, those of us exposed daily to Fox News, or any program on the Fox News Network, are actually becoming dumber... and we never even realize this! What is even more sad is, we have the tools needed to prevent this, we are just too stupid to use them properly. The Internet is full of resources and information, but being the simple-minded morons we are, the only info we bother to read, are things we tend to agree with and like, and we tend to ignore opposing viewpoints and things we don't like. The result is, we are mired in our own stupidity, to the point that we shall never recover. Hopelessly spiraling down the stupid hole, becoming evermore stupid each day.
It doesn't have to be this way, folks! I am here to tell you how this can be the BEST day of your life! The day you start down the road to becoming as smart as a Liberal! Once you've realized how easy it is, you will wish you had known about this YEARS ago! Imagine, going to a party or orgy and actually being able to carry on an intelligent conversation with other liberals? Without having to look at your notes, knowing all the reasons everything bad in the universe is Bush's fault? Imagine being able to shut down all debate on any topic, by simply mentioning one word? Iraq! These and many other secrets are revealed in my 12-step program to become as smart as a Liberal!
Step 1: Accept that YOU are Dumb!
Many of us may be reluctant to do this at first, especially since we know what we know, and can't un-know it. What you have to do is, pretend everything you have ever learned from any source, was probably wrong if it contradicted Liberalism. So even though you might think you are very smart, you aren't. Before you can move forward, you must first accept that you are just plain stoopid, and you need help.
Step 2: Stop Watching Fox News
Before you can ever expect to gain ground in becoming as smart as a Liberal, you have to eliminate the source of your dumbness, which is Fox News. Again, there have been studies done and everything, man! They have charts and graphs to prove this, don't doubt it! Fox News is making you stupid, and dumber, and the sooner you can turn it off and not watch anymore, the better off you will be. Some may find this difficult at first, but MSNBC is a great substitute instead of going cold-turkey. Keep them in mind, if you have trouble weening off Fox News.
Step 3: Learn Your 'Trusted' Sources
I've mentioned MSNBC, but there are times when other news sources can be turned to for the truth. The key is to understanding that anything which appears to oppose a liberal viewpoint, is probably wrong-headed propaganda, and immediately dismiss it from your thoughts. HuffPo, DailyKOS, ThinkProgress... all great sources of information on a daily basis. They will not only keep you well-informed of the latest truths, but they will also provide you with daily subjects to talk about, which help to advance the liberal agenda. Liberal blog sites are especially helpful in broadening your smarts, because they are unbiased sources not beholden to the corporate media machine, and can tell the greatest truths. You should begin to understand these are your primary source for thought, and if it isn't being expressed in a liberal blog, it probably isn't very smart, and you should just avoid it.
Step 4: Defining your Liberal core principles
This is probably one of the easiest steps to take in becoming as smart as a Liberal. Most of us dumb people have thought that you need to have some core principles... things you have conviction and belief in, and the things you do and say, are a reflection of those. But with Liberalism it is very simple, the only true core conviction and principle, is to advance Liberalism. Ethics and moralities can take whatever form you need at any given time, or in any given argument, as long as they are used to advance the Liberal agenda, because Liberals are smart. If you should ever be in doubt of what to morally support, you can refer to your 'trusted sources' from above.
Step 5: Liberate Yourself from Responsibility and Consequence
One of the most rewarding aspects to becoming as smart as a Liberal, is how great it feels to dismiss yourself from all responsibility and consequence of your actions. Whatever Liberal viewpoint you have, can completely ignore these things, because you are now smarter than the average person. Dumb schmucks worry about consequences or personal responsibility. Once you have freed your thinking from these shackles, you can almost feel yourself becoming smarter! It is truly amazing.
Step 6: Debating The Dumb People
We're at Step 6, and this marks your half-way point to becoming as smart as a Liberal. It is an appropriate time to put what you've learned to use, in combating stupidity and dumbness. By now, you have all your "trusted sources" bookmarked, and know how to search their databases for any OP-Eds on virtually any topic concerning Liberals, but for now... stick to whatever the mantra of the day is. Jump in there amongst the stupid, and post a few links... call them stupid, and ridiculous... it will make you feel so much smarter to do that! They will, of course, TRY to refute your blog links and commentary, but just stick to your guns and keep posting more links! Remember, only your 'trusted sources' can be trusted... use that! If they post something that comes from another source, it's probably wrong. Many times, you can make them run away in shame of their stupidity, just by being persistent, so don't give up!
Step 7: Coping with Temptation
As you become smarter, your ego may cause you to think you can explore thought outside the realm of Liberalism, but you must resist this... it's completely natural, and something that every truly smart Liberal might have to deal with at some point in time. Don't let your faith in Liberalism be shaken, you know that Liberals are smart, and anything opposed to Liberalism has to be dumb. No matter how tempting it might be, to think outside the realm of Liberalism, you will never be able to become as smart as a Liberal this way. It can only lead to you becoming dumber!
Step 8: Dealing With Withdrawals
By now, you probably are missing Rush, Hannity, O'Reilly, or some similar nonsense, but you have to remember those are the things that were making you dumber. Replace these with Jon Stewart, Anderson Cooper, and Rachel Madcow, and you will be just fine! Heck, you almost can feel yourself becoming smarter while listening to Rachel speak!
Step 9: Reward your smart Liberal self with ice-cream and sex
Take time to pat yourself on the back for your success in becoming as smart as a Liberal! It's important to do that, because you are going to take a pounding daily by the dumb people with their dumb links to dumb points of view. Having to constantly squirm and wiggle your way around previous stands you've taken, which seem to be in complete contradiction to stances you are taking now... that takes it toll, even on the smartest of Liberals. The ice cream and sex can be used at the same time, or separate events, it's up to you.
Step 10: The Ultimate Smartness: Learn to Defy Logic!
Once your mind has soaked up enough Liberal smartness, you can learn certain argumentative elements and devices, that when used properly, will quite literally allow you to defy logic in order to establish your point of view. This is such a stunning and amazing feat, it often leaves your opponent speechless. If anything, they mutter something about how you defied logic... but you're all like, heck, it didn't seem all that hard to do.
Step 11: Broaden Your Horizons
Read stuff from people like Trotsky or Chomsky even... Alinsky... also read the works of Karl Marx. You can find a lot of useful quotes and quips for your debates with the dumb people. It makes them feel even dumber, and you even smarter, to quote someone who's name ends in "-sky"
Step 12: Proclaim Your Brilliance as a Liberal PROUDLY!
Make sure to spend every waking hour of every single day, proudly telling everyone how smart you are as a Liberal, and how dumb the rest of the world is! Remain defiantly arrogant with the dumb people, because they are too ignorant to understand anything else. They do not realize that Liberals are the smart people, and all others are dumb, and getting dumber. Until you have completed this 12-step process, you can never truly be as smart as a Liberal.
----
Presented as a public service to the dumb. All rights reserved by Dixie.
