Do married people share money?

Jarod

Jarod

Well-known member
Contributor
I keep hearing about married couples talk about my money and their partners money, and whose money it is.

That’s not how my marriage works.

My wife and I both make money and it goes into a joint account. When we spend on everyday things we don’t consult with each other but if we spend a lot extra or buy a big ticket item we discuss it.

I find it strange when couples live in a way that requires one or the other to ask all the time or use “their own money”.

How do you do it and why?
 
My wife and I do not do that, Jarod, but I am not as mystified as you about why some people do.

Congratulations on your fine marriage. Some people are not as lucky...and have to take precautions.
 
My wife and I co-mingle all our accounts. We discuss all major purchases, so act as a sanity check on spending and investing. It works well for us.
 
We had more of a hybrid situation.

I paid most of the bills being the larger income. Spouse took some of the lower ones.

But as she was the queen of finding the perfect gift, she did most of this sort of spending as well as outfitting herself and our daughter. I took care of the dogs.

Its better for her to have her own accounts for credit worthiness so that was a priority.
 
Jarod said:
I keep hearing about married couples talk about my money and their partners money, and whose money it is.

That’s not how my marriage works.

My wife and I both make money and it goes into a joint account. When we spend on everyday things we don’t consult with each other but if we spend a lot extra or buy a big ticket item we discuss it.

I find it strange when couples live in a way that requires one or the other to ask all the time or use “their own money”.

How do you do it and why?
Click to expand...

Does this have something to do with politics?
 
We are old school. Married 1986, already back then I was hearing about his and her money, I thought it is a terrible idea. I feel strongly that it is important to go into marriage all in committed to it working.....his and her money felt to me like preparing for it to fail.
 
Hawkeye10 said:
We are old school. Married 1986, already back then I was hearing about his and her money, I thought it is a terrible idea. I feel strongly that it is important to go into marriage all in committed to it working.....his and her money felt to me like preparing for it to fail.
Click to expand...

Does this have something to do with politics, or is it the liars hour?
 
Maybe it’s more common than I thought

Sure seems to blunt the idea of a combined life though
 
Hawkeye10 said:
We are old school. Married 1986, already back then I was hearing about his and her money, I thought it is a terrible idea. I feel strongly that it is important to go into marriage all in committed to it working.....his and her money felt to me like preparing for it to fail.
Click to expand...

To me, unless you share everything, especially money, it doesn’t seem like much of a marriage. I’m sure there are situations where it works well, but not for me.
 
Jarod said:
To me, unless you share everything, especially money, it doesn’t seem like much of a marriage. I’m sure there are situations where it works well, but not for me.
Click to expand...

As you might know I am very much "I run my life, you run yours.... I will stay out of your life if at all possible, in return you please stay out of mine"....so I am with you there.
 
Jarod said:
I keep hearing about married couples talk about my money and their partners money, and whose money it is.

That’s not how my marriage works.

My wife and I both make money and it goes into a joint account. When we spend on everyday things we don’t consult with each other but if we spend a lot extra or buy a big ticket item we discuss it.

I find it strange when couples live in a way that requires one or the other to ask all the time or use “their own money”.

How do you do it and why?
Click to expand...

We're like you and your wife. But when my sister was married, they did their finances that way: Mine, yours, ours. But it gets even weirder. When she wanted to get a new car, she sold her old one to her husband. He had to pay her market price.
 
Jarod said:
I keep hearing about married couples talk about my money and their partners money, and whose money it is.

That’s not how my marriage works.

My wife and I both make money and it goes into a joint account. When we spend on everyday things we don’t consult with each other but if we spend a lot extra or buy a big ticket item we discuss it.

I find it strange when couples live in a way that requires one or the other to ask all the time or use “their own money”.

How do you do it and why?
Click to expand...

Well it's OUR money. I have never told my wife she can't buy whatever she wants nor she me. The thing is we are each responsible enough no to waste our hard earned money on bullshit and we trust the other thinks the same way. It's never been a problem.
 
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Jarod said:
I keep hearing about married couples talk about my money and their partners money, and whose money it is.

That’s not how my marriage works.

My wife and I both make money and it goes into a joint account. When we spend on everyday things we don’t consult with each other but if we spend a lot extra or buy a big ticket item we discuss it.

I find it strange when couples live in a way that requires one or the other to ask all the time or use “their own money”.

How do you do it and why?
Click to expand...
Joint account and my wife is the chief purchasing agent.
 
Jarod said:
I keep hearing about married couples talk about my money and their partners money, and whose money it is.

That’s not how my marriage works.

My wife and I both make money and it goes into a joint account. When we spend on everyday things we don’t consult with each other but if we spend a lot extra or buy a big ticket item we discuss it.

I find it strange when couples live in a way that requires one or the other to ask all the time or use “their own money”.

How do you do it and why?
Click to expand...

For my wife and I, it just kind of evolved. We kept our personal accounts when we got married and added a joint account. She wanted to feel as if she was contributing as much financially.
She ended up having her paycheck deposited in the joint account and then she took a monthly transfer to her account of an "allowance." I just saw it as mad money she could spend any way she wanted. My paycheck went into a personal account but I always considered it our money. I had monthly transfers to the joint account that equaled her contribution and then the excess cash was used for investment, both her and my IRA contributions, vacations and other large expenses. I monitor the credit card bills and make sure there is enough to cover those every month.

She will still say, "I bought this for so and so or I went to lunch and paid for everyone, but I used my money." I just shrug because it's all our money.
 
Jarod said:
To me, unless you share everything, especially money, it doesn’t seem like much of a marriage. I’m sure there are situations where it works well, but not for me.
Click to expand...

The biggest problem is when you have a couple that have completely different views of money. Having your money and my money means you can't control how I spend my money. It can help to reduce the money fights in a relationship.
 
Poor Richard Saunders said:
For my wife and I, it just kind of evolved. We kept our personal accounts when we got married and added a joint account. She wanted to feel as if she was contributing as much financially.
She ended up having her paycheck deposited in the joint account and then she took a monthly transfer to her account of an "allowance." I just saw it as mad money she could spend any way she wanted. My paycheck went into a personal account but I always considered it our money. I had monthly transfers to the joint account that equaled her contribution and then the excess cash was used for investment, both her and my IRA contributions, vacations and other large expenses. I monitor the credit card bills and make sure there is enough to cover those every month.

She will still say, "I bought this for so and so or I went to lunch and paid for everyone, but I used my money." I just shrug because it's all our money.
Click to expand...

My multi millionaire friend always says…”Oh I can’t afford that.” When I point out she is a multimillionaire sh says, “Oh, that’s my husband’s money.”
 
Poor Richard Saunders said:
The biggest problem is when you have a couple that have completely different views of money. Having your money and my money means you can't control how I spend my money. It can help to reduce the money fights in a relationship.
Click to expand...

No, because every time you want to do something you must negotiate who pays for what and how much.
 
Poor Richard Saunders said:
The biggest problem is when you have a couple that have completely different views of money. Having your money and my money means you can't control how I spend my money. It can help to reduce the money fights in a relationship.
Click to expand...

I can see that, but it also can become a control issue. I knew a guy who gave his wife an allowance, but it was for food and bills. She could never buy clothes or anything much for herself until he agreed to give her extra.
 
My mom and her second husband kept their money separate, and they had a rough agreement on how expenses would be split, but my mom would often not pay her share and because he hates conflict he would pay it all and then not say much.

I cant say that this worked.
 
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